The One About The Best $12 I Ever Spent

January 08, 2005

hi kids,

i still can't believe it. even though i was there. even though i saw everything (how could you look away?). even though i heard and smelled it all. i still can't believe it.

i went to a

MONSTER TRUCK SHOW!!!!

i know. me too. but it's true.
the scary thing is, i had a really good time.
laura, kris, kristie, zach, mr. fleegan and i were in attendance.
we screamed. we cheered. we mostly laughed.
i was confused about the whole "scoring" proceedure. how can they tell who "wins"? are the trucks racing? is it who crushes the cars the "best"? is it who gets the most air?
i...i dunno. this "sport" needs clearer rules and such.

kristie and i immediately chose Monster Mutt as our favorite.

guess where i got this pic from?

it has floppy ears! and a tongue! and i don't know how the driver does it, but this truck bounces and flops around like a puppy! it is CRAZY. it's...it's cute. i know. me too. but it is.

aw, wook at da puppy smashums the cars. awww...

kris cheered for Grave Digger because he's 10 years old.

stole this pic from here.

and laura, whom i just knew would like the cute wittle Monster Mutt because, hello, it's a truck that's a dog and it flops around! how could that not be the one to cheer for?
she liked the ninja turtle truck. the hell? you think you know someone...

stole this from here

sadly, no one gave a rat's ass about this truck

in fact, cheers of, "the hell?! get off the track you bum! we want the dog! RAAAAAAAAAAH!!" could be heard. because that's what i was screaming.
yeah, hi.

it was a crazy show, but odd 'cos there was a scooter race (they weren't scooters but i don't know what those things are called. it was like a 4-wheeled motorcycle. oh, a 4-wheeler? maybe?) and it was stupid and they tried to make it all serious, when in fact, no one cared. and? it was a bad example for the kids because it had two members of the same team start fighting and beating each other up. not a good lesson for kids.

do you know what was a good lesson for the kids?
me, screaming til my throat cracked and then lubing it with beer so i could scream some more. see kids, beer is our friend. it soothes our sore throats when we scream at stupid giant trucks with floppy ears.

then there was a part where this komatsu crane dressed like a dragon came out and killed the shit out of a pontiac or something. kind of weird, but also it was interesting. no wait, that was stupid wasn't it? "the hell?! get that shit outta here! we want the dog! RAAAAAAAAAAH!"

and during the intermission a guy played saxophone. guess what? that made about as much sense as Dr. Laura emcee-ing a gay pride parade. i mean, the guy was totally over-dressed for such an event. he was playing on A MOUND OF DIRT. IN DRESS SHOES. the least he could've done was WEAR A DIRTY BALL CAP.
i wish i could've interviewed him.
"so what was it like to play your sweet, sculptural music to an arena filled with 9 year olds and rednecks? do you feel over-dressed? what about that truck that looks like a dog, huh? is that not awesome?!"

at one point during the Saxophone Intermission of Deadly Oxymoronic Proportions, mr. fleegan yelled, "play some Skynyrd!" and we laughed, thus completing our redneck metamorphosis for the day.

meanwhile, some other ass hat was yelling, "the hell? get that saxophone bum outta here! we want the dog! RAAAAAAAAHH!!"

next week's epitomb: god, i hope it's pro wrestling

jaimie "the ticket was $12. the beer was $6. EACH." pickle