The One About Boohbah.

April 02, 2005

hi kids,

the other day during lunch Popsicle and i were watching T.V., and he went to use the bathroom, and i switched the channels. we watch MadTV because it's the funniest show of all. i switched the channel 'cos MadTV was over. anyway, i land on PBS (my fave, right?) and i see...these... things? that...were dancing? and...oh god, the eyes.
but the dancing?

the things are fatties and they jiggle and dance? they are dancing, right? and well, before i could stop myself i...i giggled... out loud.

but then these things keep jiggling and, and, and? what the hell is going on, right? so i yell to Popsicle who was walking down the hall, "dad? did we take any psychotropic drugs today?"
he comes walking in, "no. why? OH MY GOD! I'VE SEEN THIS SHOW BEFORE!"

"you have?!"

"yes! at justin's house! and i was all alone and they only get PBS so it was the only thing on! and i couldn't look away!"

"i know. i can't change the channel."

"it freaked me out! i was all alone!"

"what is this about? someone keeps saying, "peebah!""

"and their eyes! with the lights for eyebrows!"

"it's eerily soothing, but also? it's uncomfortable."

"i hate this. and everything is overkill."

"i'm noticing that. with the spinning children."

"yeah."

"also, they can't possibly be brother and sister. she's asian and he? is not. step-brother and sister?"

"the narrator sounds thrilled."

so anyway we watch the rest of the show. because it hypnotizes you.

later that day i talked to my brother.
"hey justin, have you seen a show on PBS called Boohbah?"

"YES! i was going to ask if YOU had seen it before!"

"no way!"

"yeah! i saw it on sunday. oh my god! it's creepy!"

"i know! dad and i watched it today. he said he saw it at your house and he really freaked out about it."

"what? when?"

"you were in the hospital and he was at the house all by hisself and he turned the t.v. on and there they were. he was really wigged out."

"oh that's so funny!"

"i know!"

"but they are weird."

"oh very."

"and i don't get it."

"for real. i mean, is there a storyline? because...no."

"yeah, like Teletubbies were weird, right?"

"right."

"but they had names and that vacuum cleaner pet thing."

"and the baby in the sun."

"yeah."

"the peebahs or boohbahs have names though."

"they do?!"

"yeah, like one is Zingbah? i think? and there's Jingbah? and...Eddie?"

"skknt. the eyes!"

"my god, the eyes."

"it's like, "hey! i'm looking left! hey! hey! i'm looking right! hey! i'm looking at you!" weird!"

"yeah and with the clicking!"

"and the ffft! farting noises!"

"the ffft! farting noises made me giggle! every time! every time they dance and boink into each other in the tummies they go ffft! it's a fart. i know it!"

"and the do that, "bing!" "bing!" bing!" thing?"

"yes! with the harmony! and the flying!"

"and then they go back to their pods!"

"the Secret Boohbah Lair! and they tuck their heads into their turtle necks!"

"*makes the clicking sound*"

"eeeeeeeeeeee! creepy!"

"and then the children?"

"yeah, okay it's like...they take an object, right? and then they push it onto the weird rainbow circle. which i assume is like an offering to the boohbah? are they deities?"

"i...don't know. but then they blow at it?"

"yes! until it rises up and then...lands somewhere. where the humans are."

"grand ma ma! and mr. man!"

"yeah. mrs. lady and brother and sister. and they're all a different nationality."

"i know! like it's normal for your aunt to be asian, your dad is black, your mom is hispanic, the brother is caucasian and sister is asian. i don't think-"

"yeah. and grand pa pa looks like a pedophile and grand ma ma looks like a mad scientist. what the hell?"

"and the narrator..."

"he sounds like he can't wait to get home and shoot himself."

"oh but the worst part is the "look what i can do!" part with the kids."

"oh. my. god. it's like, "okay kid. stand on this circle and spin clockwise 900 times. then go counter-clockwise. now clockwise. counter-clockwise." this is the longest 2 minutes of my life."

"oh and did you see the one with the girl in the wheelchair?"

"yes and do NOT say another thing-"

"head, shoulders, knees and toes, knees and toes..."

"you went there."

"they went there!"

"and it lasts forever! and just when you're about to change the channel because you can't stand watching the kid spin for the 600,000th time it changes to another kid doing something over and over times ten to the gazillionth power."

"ffft!"

"ffft!"

so. Boohbah.
the hell?! i know it's a kids show. and i know that it's for very tiny kids, like wee babes. but also? it's the creepiest thing going. i'm not sure what it is that makes it so creepy. i think that maybe when you're a wee babe you use a part of the brain that gets turned off when you mature. and that show accesses that part of the brain and to an adult it evokes a "holy shit! what is this?! my god! it's so soothing and yet, maddening at the same time! did that thing just fart?" so to us it seems freaky and scary. but to a small child the show is funny and exciting, a mad, existential ride to nowhere! filled with drama and suspense!

and why, if the damn thing is called Boohbah, is there a kid in the background saying Peebah every 15 seconds?!
and what's with all the damn rainbows?!
and space noises?!
and clicking eyes?!

i don't know! all i know is that i really like it when they do their weird Boohbah Riverdance and bump into each other and fart. and then they all surround one (there's five) and it looks like a Boohbah gangbang. then they all fall down and then fly back to their secret lair and go back to sleep. everything is so urgent.

bah.

boohbah.

and now everything is a boohbah.
boohbah is noun, verb, and adjective.

"do you need some boohbah for your coffee?"

"get your head out of your boohbah and pay attention!"

"i've gotta boohbah."
"that's the fourth time you've boohbahed today!"
"i know!"

next epitomb: to boohbah or not to boohbah? wtf?

jaimie "ffft!" pickle