1.31.08

fiddy.

1.27.08

not much to report here. still haven't caught the thief. however we do have a POI and several booby traps. so far they've managed to dodge the bengal tiger trap i dug near the moat.

still no news on the crushed deck/insurance debacle.

i went by the old house to check on things the other day and SOMEONE HAS STOLEN MY CITY GARBAGE CAN. i called the city and asked if maybe they had picked up the can since it was not being used. 6 transfers later a lady tells me that no, they haven't picked up my can. so yes, it's been stolen. that's just awesome isn't it? what kind of dickless hobo steals a trashcan?

the other day i received a tiny envelope in the mail. if you're a girl you know this means one of three things:

invite to a wedding shower
invite to a baby shower
thank you card

lucky me it was a thank you card. (i can't afford any presents right now. we just had christmas and this tax season has hm, how can i put this... cornholed us. we need to have a baby.) it was from my credit union. it was a sweet thank you from the ladies at the bank. oh yeah! i had forgotten about that!

several weeks ago the credit union workers were on strike. a certain friend of ours (i will not name names, as even though i disagree with said friend i still love and appreciate said friend) made a HUGE deal about it. friend was all, "how dare they! what have THEY got to complain about?! blah blah blah bank rant blah." i grew up in a goodyear family. and my pops was a union man. so i grew up with union talk and strikes and no paychecks for weeks and lots of hamburger helper. so, while i have no idea what the ladies at the credit union were striking for, i said more power to them for fighting for what they believed was fair, AND it would be a cold day in hell before i crossed the picket line.

it's hard to write checks when you havent' made a deposit because you won't cross a picket line. so another credit union in town said that the patrons of our credit union could use theirs and it wouldn't be considered crossing the line. i don't even know how that's possible. and i didn't really trust it. and luckily, i didn't have to because the strike lasted maybe a week? i can't really remember.

one day i was on my way to the grocery store and i drove past the strikers and if you honked they would cheer. well, it's all bank tellers, right? so it's all women. (well it is!) and when people would honk it sounded like a Monkees concert or something with all the ladies cheering. so i honked and went on to the store. i think i was buying party food for some kind of party/girls night. the store is not far from the bank so you could still hear the ladies cheering, you just couldn't see them. and it was funny watching people come out of the store all, "what the hell? are the Beatles getting off a plane somewhere?"

so i'm at the store buying party food, right? and i see some pre-cut trays with apple slices and cheddar cubes and things like that. and best off all they were on sale! like, $4. and it was a ton of fruit. and so i buy them for the party. so then i come out of the store all, "what the- are they filming girls gone wild?" no, wait. strikers. and i remember dad saying once that the strike line was always cold and you could only eat so many donuts before you never wanted to see another donut again. i guess people would bring them lots of donuts or something. so i wondered if anyone had given donuts to the girls. and i figured that would be a bad idea because you know how girls are, "oh no, i couldn't possibly eat a delicious fresh-baked donut." so anyway i thought, "i wonder what you should give girl strikers. probably fruit. that way they couldn't bitch about- oh. oh no. please Lord, it's my fruit. for the party! no! i only had $10! and it's not like i can get more money cos the bitches are in my way! NOOOOOooooo! oh all right." and i was regretting having to call laura later on and say, "hey, i bought fruit for the party and God made me give it to the strikers." even though i know laura would understand.

so i pulled over to the strikers and i gave them my sack of pre-sliced fruit. the ladies came up all, "oh, she brought us food. what is it?" and the lady with the sack said, "ohmygosh! it's FRUIT!" and they all cheered. for fruit. i guess it's true about the donuts. and two of the ladies gave me hugs and one of them yelled out, "hey! what's your name?" and i turned to say, "jaimie." but one of the other tellers said, "that's jaimie pickle." and i was flabbergasted. i thought maybe we went to school together or something. i asked her how she knew my name and she said i come through her line all the time. thing is, i go to the drive through. so that was weird. maybe she recognized my jeep with the loud motor and fading paint. i dunno.

a couple weeks later i had to go in the bank because i had to re-order checks and one of the ladies said, "hey, that's jaimie pickle! she's the one who brought us fruit!" and the girls were all, "oh thank you! we ate it all! we even dropped one of the trays and the fruit spilled out on the grass and we STILL ate it! thank you thank you!"

so the next time God tells you to give your party fruit to the ladies at the bank you should probably do it. especially if you want to feel like an effin' rockstar at the bank.

1.20.08

i added two more to the fiddy.

we haven't caught the thief yet. it's really ruining my mood.

i'm in love with www.books.google.com

i can't tell you how many books i've started to read. i love old books. the way people used to write 100 years ago... it's neat. everything they said sounds so pretty. even if it's something horrible like how women should have no rights. The book i'm reading on The Google right now is The History of Prostitution. This book was written in 1895, something like four years after the Jack the Ripper murders stopped... but i searched the book and there's no mention of Jack the Ripper. And i was all, "gosh, i wonder why? that was probably a big deal back then." then it hit me, duh jaimie, you nit. back then Jack the Ripper wasn't history...it was news. so i have to remember to wear my time-machine hat when i read these old books.

anyway, i love love LOVE books.google.com, and i find myself getting lost in book searches. IT IS SO MUCH NERDY FUN I CAN HARDLY CONTAIN MYSELF.

1.15.08

been a while hasn't it? sorry with the busy and all. but to make up for lost time let me share with you the most awesome commercial i've ever seen.

no kidding, when i first saw that i wasn't sure if i was dreaming or not. i laugh every time.

in other news: we've a book thief at the 'brary. this jerkhole had stolen more than a dozen books. i've no idea who's doing it and it's really ticking me off. they are stealing stuff like Koontz, Feehan, Laymon, and other weirdos, so i guess i should be happy that they aren't stealing anything "good" like classics or judy blume or harry potter or god forbid, nonfiction.

still, i'm mad as hell about it. i think of all the mysteries i read and puzzles i solve and now here's some bozo stealing books right under my nose. i don't have any suspects. there's not a single person i can think of who goes to the back of the 'brary and hangs out long enough to rip off barcodes and targets and whatall. maybe it's more than one person. maybe it's some kind of bibliogang what steals books for kicks. like i said, they're not getting anything good...it's just the pissing me off that bothers me.

and what kind of impotent, low-life, sexually dysfunctional, vomit eating cretin steals from a library? THE BOOKS ARE FREE. how many times do you read a dean koontz book? once. and then you pass it on to someone else. you don't need those books on your bookshelves. the library lends you those books FOR FREE, and when you're done you bring them back and they let you have NEW ONES... which are also FREE. and you don't have to clutter up your house with the shitty books you read.

so i figure it's either some kind of klepto who can't help his or herself, or it's a douchebag we've pissed off somehow by either not letting them checkout something (because they owe us more than $3.00) or we've revoked their computer privileges because they were caught bypassing our system or looking up the dirty pictures. or i guess it could be some sweet old lady. you can never tell with oldsters.

a conversation on sunday:

"i haven't had a drink in days."

"yeah right."

"no seriously, it's been days."

"no it hasn't."

"yes it has...like, it's been since tuesday."

"you liar! what about friday?!"

"i didn't drink on friday."

"yes you did! i was WITH YOU. we played video games? remember? you were the one with the whiskey in her diet coke?"

"oh! oh yeah. heh, i forgot about that."

"yeah, cos you're an alcoholic."

"oh shut up with the pot calling the kettle- oh hey, you know what? on thursday i had some red wine."

"see? alkie."

"shut it. it seemed like it had been longer than just two days."

"maybe you should go to a meeting."

"maybe you should shut your Face Off starring Nicholas Cage and John Travolta."

1.05.08

happy new year, you guys! 5 days in and i've already finished reading my first book of the year. honestly, i started it last year, but i only got 30 pages or so into the book. so i'm totally counting that on this year's total. oh yes, i am.

movies i've seen recently include: Dreamgirls, Walk Hard, Quiz Show, Fun With Dick and Jane, and Silent Movie. most of those are kinda old; especially Silent Movie. but really, Mel Brooks' movies are timeless. Dreamgirls was actually "all that". it was SO entertaining. Walk Hard was funnier than i thought it would be. plus we had the theater all to ourselves...which is always nice. it's like, "welcome to fleegan cinemas."

Quiz Show further proves that John Turturro is one of THE BEST character actors of all time.

i keep catching these not too old movies on the encore channels. ps, encore, YOU ARE SHOWING TOMBSTONE WAY TOO MUCH. we all love that movie, yes, but i don't need to see it twice a day for two months. no, i don't. no really. REALLY.

fiddy.

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