4.26.06
mr. fleegan put all of my computer guts in a new modcore case. i told him i need quiet fans because the old fans in my old case were very loud and at that frequency that makes me want to punch people in the throat. anyway, new case. turns out? the screeeeeee fan? is actually one of my hard drives. yeah.
awesome.

this ALWAYS happens. i'm never able to do ONE computer thing. it's always a COLLECTION of things that happen all because of ONE thing.
it's cruel and ineffecient. bah.

at dinner this evening we enjoyed steaming hot plates of chinese food while we watched an ep of the Family Guy. i couldn't get one of those delicious packets of hot mustard open and i tried and tried and finally said, "jimmy, i can't get the packet open."
his response?
"jaimie, don't bring that weak shit here."
oh, he makes me laugh.

but the big story this week, so far, is the AWESOME piece of furniture i scored for $7.50.
ladies and germs, i present to you...
THE END TABLE!


what a fine octagonal piece it is! but wait! doors?


OMG!WTF?TOY SURPRISE!

complete with stereophonic sound!
how cool is this?! it's a Magnavox believe it or not. it has all the paperwork that came with it. it gives you a map with all the Magnavox dealers locations so in case you ever need to buy replacement parts...do what now? hee.
the thing sounds great. the speakers will blow out the windows of my house. it's all so awesome. the turntable doesn't work, but i have a record player already so while it's kind of a bummer also, $7.50.

BOW TO MY ANALOG GLORY, BITCHES.


and for all you techgeeks here's pics of the modcore case:


total TRON, yo.

4.24.06
i'm nearly finished reading The Heart is a Lonely Hunter. i'm on page 202 and still nothing has happened except one guy farted, and that was pretty funny. it was unexpected.
i'm also nearly finished with The Da Vinci Code. hee.

FROM THE DESK OF THE MAYOR OF CRAZYTOWN:
i had to get on to Crazy Margaret yesterday for going through my trash can.
"but it's just trash!"
"yes, but it's MY trash. it's none of your business."
"but it's a garbage can! i was throwing something away!"
"look, when it's on the street, fine. but when it's next to my house? you're not to touch it, got it?"
"but i was throwing something away and that's when i saw-"
"Margaret! quit snooping around my house! and you can throw stuff away IN YOUR OWN GARBAGE CAN."

laura and kris were lucky enough to have a Margaret Experience yesterday. maybe laura will write about it.

i forgot to tell everyone the good news: Lola FINALLY had her car taken away from her. so the streets in Gadsden are a little more safe than before. everyone who lives or works or visits the downtown area has had a Lola Road Rage Moment. even if they don't know it yet. she's the old troll who drove a goldish honda with a couple of hubcaps gone and the side mirror smashed. she drove about 10 miles an hour (if you were lucky). and when you were stuck behind her in traffic you were filled with an instant and fiery rage like that of a million suns burning. then, once you realized you were behind Lola you immediately deflated and had plenty of time to text message all your friends that you were stuck behind Lola.

well, i'm proud to report that gone are those days. and i know that sara n. is probably the happiest person to find out that news as she seemed to get stuck behind her every other day on the way to or from school.
although Crazy Margaret told me that Lola plans on getting another car.
that would be quite a trick. but as crazy margaret has said before, lola is a witch, so maybe she can conjure herself another car...maybe one like the Munsters had. and maybe the Munsters Theme would play as she drove. that, that would be worth getting stuck in traffic over.

4.21.06
today is my first posting over at www.fleegancentral.com

i think it's going to be a fun place to read.

the reefer log has been updated.

yesterday the sweet, kind, old lady i take to dialysis says to me she says, "jaimie, i'm so hungry right now i could eat a dead nigger and all the pallbearers."
OMG! WTF?!
i didn't say anything because if i had said something it would've been like, "lord have mercy, don't SAY THINGS LIKE THAT!" and she, being old, would not have understood that it was a terrible thing to say because it is a fact that all old people are racists. that's right, your sweet grandma? hates black people. it's the way they were raised. and i'm not saying that makes it all right, nay. it's just the way it is, and grandma ain't gonna change.
so i just kept driving and didn't say anything.
so then she says, "have you ever heard that one before?"
"no ma'am, i haven't."
"really?"
"really."

Picture Friday!
to take your mind off of racist grandmas here's Roxy the Rockstar!


and here's Kaze!

i rarely get her picture because she runs and hides in her house when she sees the camera.
aw, look, her wittle eyes are closed.


and here's some firemen doing that thing they do with the fire hydrants every so often.
this is on the corner of 11th and Chestnut. i took this from my kitchen window. see where the house used to be?


and last but not least here's a picture of the stumps the lady painted.



4.20.06
today is leslie m. and melfa's b'day. they are probably a year older than they were last year, but also a bit younger than me.
bitches.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY BITCHES!

i'm trying to read Carson McCullers's "enduring masterpiece", The Heart is a Lonely Hunter. this book is killing me because it's one of those Southern Gothic type books where you hate all the sad, lonely people so much you wish they'd either START TALKING TO EACH OTHER, YOU IDIOTS! or you wish they'd just die and maybe someone interesting will enter the picture.
so far, i'm not getting the whole "enduring masterpiece" thing.
i'm only 117 pages into it, so maybe something actually happens later on in the book and that's the only reason i've kept reading so far.

on one hand though, i want to say that IF NOTHING HAS HAPPENED 117 PAGES IN, THEN PRETTY MUCH THERE YOU GO. SWEET MOTHER OF PEARL, READING THIS BOOK IS LIKE CONSTANTLY BANGING YOUR HEAD AGAINST YOUR OWN HEAD! and usually if i said something like that it would be kind of a cool thing (like House of Leaves ), but this time when i say it i mean it like How Green was my Valley.

reading southern writers is like watching someone watch a train wreck. you want to be all, "how rude! i think it's terrible that people want to see all that blood and gore." but secretly, you kinda want to peek.
dash, you southern authors! the way you weave a creepy tale with creepy people! how the unsettlingness of your stories haunts me and makes me crave more!

bitches!

4.19.06
fiddy

4.14.06 update.

Get Your Drunk Personality at LiquidGeneration.com!

shut up. i'm sick. what better way to spend time between bathroom visits by taking stupid quizez online?
jealous.

4.14.06
happy Good Friday, you guys.

ew, look at this.
i don't know what i find more repulsive, the fact that he killed her 'cos she wouldn't heat up some sandwiches, or the fact that he drank a beer before calling 911.
what a guy.

i'm sick right now, i've got some kind of evil stomach virus of torture. it hurts pretty bad, especially if i move and even more especially if i bend over.

yesterday i saw this neighbor lady (whom i've never met before but i know she lives in the white house on the other side of me, not the Lola Side), and she was clearing off the lot where they knocked the house down. the house debris is gone but there's lots of logs and branches and trees and things that were cut down.
i figure someone was paying her to clear it off 'cos i've seen her out there everyday.

so yesterday she's trying to move this giant log by herself and i see her just as i pull into my driveway. i was going to go help her but my stomach was hurting so bad and i was about to shit myself so i ran inside to do my business, and i figured i'd help her after my business was concluded.
when i went back outside she was gone.

i was relieved because my stomach was really hurting. so i laid on the couch and moaned for about 4 hours.
then i got up to get some more water and what do i see outside my window?
the lady. struggling with a log.
damn. well, i think to myself, if i go over there something will happen.

so i go out and ask if i can help her and she is SO excited to get some help. she hands me the Known World's Oldest, Dullest Handsaw to cut this branch that's on this log thinking that if we cut the stupid branch off the log will just roll to the street curb.
i bend over to start to saw. well, first, ow.
OW!
this will never work with the Stomach Pain of Doom. "how about we just tug it to the street?" i suggest.

"it will roll better if we cut that branch off," she says. or, i think she says. she wasn't very good at talking. she might be a touch slow.

"okay look, i've got an old rake. i'm gonna go get it to drag that log around, okay?" i ask, knowing that will work 'cos that's how i drug around all those railroad crossties i had. but, i am totally dreading this 'cos my tummy is really hurting.

"i think if we cut this branch off it will roll better. you know, i've had tons of people ask how much i want for this land."

"really? how much do you want for it?"

"suga, it ain't even mine! i wish it was mine. i'd done sell it."

"if it's not yours...why are you clearing it off?"

"the city told me i had to or they would fine me."

"what?! they told you that?!"

"mmhmmm."

"well, they lied. they couldn't fine you, they'd fine the property owner. who owns this property?"

"girl, the city owns it."

"WHAT?! the city came and cut this all down and then told YOU to haul it all to the street?"

"that's right! and i can't afford no fine."

"but if it's their property then it's their mess to clean."

"but they told me it was my trees."

"if they were your trees...why did the city cut them down?"

"i don't know. they just said they'd fine me if i didn't move it. but see here, see how i painted all the tree stumps? heehee! i made me some art."
and she had, she spray painted the tree stumps black and white striped. whoever cut down the trees and bushes left about 3 feet of stumpage. they look like horrible fingers or something. and, as weird as it looks, i'm glad she painted them all funky...since they're hers and all.

i'm not sure what the actual deal is, but like i say, the lady doesn't seem to be firing on all cylinders, and i think that some douchebag city workers may have tricked that poor old lady.

anyway, i'm about to go get my Trusty Rake when this blue pick-up truck pulls up and this guy gets out and says, "do you ladies need help with moving this log? i saw you struggling with it so i turned around and came back."
thank you, Lord. you are so good to me.
"yes please!" we say. and this guy, bless him and his kind, kind heart, he ties a rope to the log and hauls it to the street with his truck. takes about 10 seconds.

"girl! you done brought me some good luck!"

"yeah, i get that a lot."

we both thanked the nice, sweet, kind, man for helping us out.

then i went back home to moan and groan on the couch.

4.13.06
today is Maundy Thursday, which i think means Holy Thursday. so there's church tonight and it's all about the Lord's Supper. although, i guess if you're jewish you celebrate Passover or something? i don't know.

mr. fleegan and i went to see Lucky Number Slevin last night. it was great! in fact, the first 30 seconds of the movie had two visual quotes from two of my favorite movies, so how awesome is that? (the first was the ink pen to the throat from Casino, and the second was the Moe Green eye glasses killing from, wait for it, The Godfather.)
another awesome "feature" of the movie was all the patterns...all the walls were crazy wallpaper and the next one would be crazier and more eye-killing than the last. it was great. the dialogue was fantastic and quick. and Lucy Liu? easily this is the best thing she's ever done, she was GREAT.
and as a bonus, when we walked in the theater the only other person in there was FA!
how cool is that? i think that he and jimmy wanted to sit together and make out, but i sat in the middle stating the Mandatory Heterosexual Seating Rule. They can make out tonight while i'm in church. hee.
i love you guys.

in case you were wondering, and i know you aren't, i have this song caught in my head:
little willy, willy won't go home
but you can't push willy 'round
willy won't go!
try tellin' everybody but, oh no,
little willy, willy won't....go home!

i have no idea what that song is about. but i do know that it's misleading 'cos it starts out kinda rockish and THEN when you don't expect it, it turns into cheese.
if you were really my friend, you'd either call me and start singing a different song to get stuck in my head, or you'd just kill me and put me out of this misery.
BFF!

4.12.06
i've been reading new york hack, and i love, love, love it.
i think it would make a great tv show...or a film noir. or maybe something else entirely. i don't know.

i'm very distracted at the moment because i just got home from work and i took my shoes off and my feet smell so bad that at first i was blaming the cat.
"gah! Toonces, what do you eat?!...wait, oh gross, it's me! ew! EW!" so at the moment i am repulsive even to myself.

old ladies are crazy, and laura knows this better than most:
today the old lady i'm painting for is crying and so i'm all, "should i come back later?"
old lady: no, maybe having my bathroom painted will cheer me up.

me: are you sure?

old lady: yes. i just found out that my grandson has 8 months to live.

me: ...i'm, so sorry.

old lady: WAAAAAAAH!

so i give her what is probably The Most Awkward Hug in the Known World. which immediately shuts her up 'cos she's probably wondering why this stranger dressed as a homeless person is hugging her.

old lady: do you watch american idol?

me: ...wha? no, but actually i watched it last night at my friend's house.

old lady: i like Taylor the best.

me: really? i don't know their names but i thought they all sang pretty well.

old lady: yeah, but Taylor is my favorite.

me: i guess everyone picks a favorite and cheers for them?

old lady: yes, but Simon is a butthole.

my self-control is astonishing sometimes.

in other self-control...ness:
there are 2 ladies at the HCH who look like birds. i call them the Bird Women. one of them looks like (i swear on a stack of blogs) the chicken lady from kids in the hall

she's got brown hair, but otherwise she looks exactly like that.
she's mean and a pain in the ass so i don't care if it's mean to say she looks like a chicken lady, not THE Chicken Lady, because there is a THE Chicken Lady, who oddly enough, looks nothing like a chicken or bird of any kind, however, she's crazy in the head. and i don't have time to make fun of her today. she's one of those people you hate to run into and you end up running into her once a year by some fluke, like in a, "crap. and i wasn't even suppose to BE HERE today." kind of way.

i've rambled enough.

4.11.06
happy birthday, laura!

today was a long day, it felt like there were 8 extra hours. and i didn't get to see jimmy. i hate when i don't get to see him.

i cleaned my house on monday and it still smells clean. coming home to a clean house is almost like getting high. well, not really. but it's pretty cool all the same.

4.10.06
lord, have mercy.
i mowed the grass again today, as i have to mow it twice a week 'cos i planted grass seed in the fall and WHY IN THE NAME OF LOVE DID I DO THAT?!
right. so. mowing the lawn, and the grass is SO thick and green and lush that the mower stops because it's clogged with think, lush, green grass clippings and dog shit. so i usually give it a good bang and shove (this is the dirtiest sounding paragraph, banging, mowing, dog shit.) and some clumps will fall off the bottom and i go on with my mowing.

well, today, just for shits ang giggles, after mowing, i turned the mower over to look at the bottom and holy cow, it looks like i've run over a moss covered Swamp Thing.
i honestly don't know how the damn blade was even able to spin. and right now Dante is cringing and thinking, "you should know better than that!" because he's the Lawnmower Man and has had the same mower for 18 years.

it looked ridiculous. so i took a broom handle and i dug out as much of the Moss Monster as i could. i think i carved out 8 pounds of grass and shit off the bottom of the mower. the dogs were all, "wow! what's this?! thanks jaimie!" and i was all, "no! bad! stop! ew. GIT!"
i guess i learned something today.

4.10.06
i watched the St. Louis/Chicago game last night. that was a great game. except StL lost. but i got to see another grand slam, and those are just too cool.

two things i've noticed while watching the Cardinals play ball:

1. the commentators love Albert Pujols, and they say his name approx. 600,000 times per inning. (psst. guys. there are other players...in fact, there's a whole other team out there on the field, and? they just won the game.)
2. Tony LaRussa looks more and more like the Penguin from Batman.


in other baseball "news" that you care nothing about:
the Yankees are in the basement. already.

in other "you've got to be kidding me...are we in Bizzarro World?" news:
Detroit's in first.

but with only 6 games played, it's not like any of this matters yet.


4.08.06
what kind of blog is this where i don't update regularly anymore? i mean, who do i think i am, Liz?

it's been really busy but not in an interesting way so i don't have any cool or funny or even stupid stories. there have been two deaths recently, and that's been very sad, but also i don't want to blog about that because it seems in poor taste at the moment.

now that i can see the houses across from me on Chestnut St. ('cos of the house next door that was torn down and removed) i can see that the yellow house (with the giant tv that i can watch from my deck) has acquired three (3) new chow-chow puppies. they're just three balls of barking fur. so cute, even if they do constantly bark.

i had to take miss junebug to dialysis early this morning and when i got back (around 5:20am) i could hear a rooster crowing. i've heard the rooster before, but usually i hear it while i'm at the Holy House (when i'm on a high floor with the windows open. you'd be surprised how sound travels) and it's never in the morning. so it was quite hilarious to me to get home while it was still dark in the morning and hear a rooster. like i live on a farm in the country when in fact, i live in the middle of the 'hood.

i mentioned the rooster to laura last week and she said that it lives at the house behind her grandma's (GJ) house on 8th St. i live on 11th skreet so it's a couple of blocks away.
and since i'm racist like my dogs i asked, "does it belong to some of our friends from south of the border?"
she said that no, actually, it's the pet of the realtor lady that sold GJ her house.
which:
A. small town and
B. i didn't think farm animals were allowed in the city limits.

not that i care, 'cos like i say, it's never bothered my sleep before, but i can only imagine how the people who live next door (or behind) the rooster feel about it.

thinking of "exotic" birds living downtown reminds me of when i was a little kid Noccolula Falls used to have peacocks that would roam the park (and the surrounding neighborhoods).
i'm kind of sad that they don't have them anymore.
but also, i'm kind of glad, because there's no one, NO ONE, who works for Parks&Rec with the knowledge of how to keep ANY kind of animal safe and healthy.
still, i remember that the peacocks sounded like they were saying, "HELP! HELP!" when in fact they were just chirping or cooing or whatever they do.

4.03.06
it's Opening Day! Woot! everyone gets to start with a clean slate! except you, barry bonds, i'm already sick to death of hearing about you.
one thing i've noticed is that the scores have been pretty high. the cubs killed the reds. the braves were killing the dogers and then it was all, "oh my gosh! the dogers are catching up! ohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh awww, nice try guys." and now the yanks are killing the a's. that, of course, could change seeing as how it's only the second inning and the yanks love to give up in the middle. freaks.

giambi, you are already dead to me.

4.02.06
do you have recurring dreams?
me too.
lately mine have had big wild cats (like lions and tigers and leopards, oh my!) and they talk and of course they are always killing someone, either me or people i know.
what is the deal?

4.01.06
fiddy.

laura and jimmy are trying to move my cheese. they want me to start using Moveable Type for the blog and i REALLY DON'T WANT TO and what i don't get, is how come my not wanting to use MT is not at all considered.
it's my blog. my site. it's hosted on jimmy's server and laura made it look like a real site! why, why, WHY do i need to use MT, a canned pre-made program corporate thing, when i can use html or something and still be able to say, yeah, that's my site. it's not MT's site. it's mine. MINE!

but the laura and the jimmy, they don't get that, they're all, "oh jaimie." and they think i'm just being stubborn or something. like it's almost cute that i don't want to change the site.
BUT I DON'T WANT TO CHANGE IT.
and isn't that okay?
i love the way the site looks. and yeah, it's annoying as hell to have to do this in html, but from what i saw with MT i'll still have to insert html tags anyway so FUCK the MT. i don't trust it! i don't trust that it archives for you. but where does it save the archives? i know where my archives are now. why trust another program and another server?
i don't like this. i don't like this at all. my site has been fine for the last 3 years, i don't see the need to change over to some kind of automated bullshit. in fact, i feel lucky that my site isn't like that now.

i'm glad that my site isn't a blogger page or a diaryland page or a livejournal page or whatever. and i'm not saying those are bad things, i realize that they are wicked convenient (because hey, free.) especially if you want to update your blog from different computers say, at work and then at home. i get it. i do. BUT. i don't need that. i only update at home.

i am so grateful to jimmy and laura for making my site (years and years ago), 'cos honestly if not for them, i wouldn't have one now. i don't know the first thing about websites and servers or anything. so honestly, i owe them for everything you see here.

i think it's great as it is. so why change over to the MT? makes no sense. and i won't do it. and i swear if you two move my cheese i'll fold and we can just unplug this damn machine. i will not fucking sellout. i'm spoiled. i want laura's designs...not prefab templates. i want jimmy's brains. i don't want to e-mail strangers with my dumbass questions.

so can we please not do this Moveable Type thing?
v

Dribblings Archive