4.30.07
i know! i miss you guys too.

linda sent in a book title: Slay Bells by Kate Kingsbury
thanks, linda!

and from the library: Till the End of Tom

***

it's been a crazy week of library work, painting ceilings, and then mr. fleegan's cousin asked us to watch her 9 year old son for two days over the weekend.
that went... better than i thought it would.

the kid loves mr. fleegan, but he does not like me. i'm ashamed to say just how much it bothered me that the kid doesn't like me. usually if someone doesn't like you, and you know they don't like you, you can write it off and be all, "yeah. well they suck. i'm GLAD they don't like me. now i don't have to pretend that i like them. what a relief! stoopid fukker."

but when a little kid doesn't like you? that's different. that screws with your mind. "what's wrong with me? did i say something mean or scary? why does he hate me? i'm cool. i'm funny! i have cool shit like a PS2 and guitars and a computer with fucking high-speed fucking internet! i've got the coolest dog on the planet! my 'fridge is filled with pop and ice cream! i'm awesome to the bone! what's not to like?! LOVE ME. I COMMAND IT. YOU'LL BE A BETTER PERSON FOR LOVING ME. LET ME BE YOUR WHOLE WORLD."

sometimes kids don't get hyperbole.
idiotas!
(was that hyperbole? is overreacting hyperbole? i mean, if you're doing it sarcastically?)

honestly i'm just shocked that someone would think of us as a capable couple to not just watch their kid...but keep him for two whole days... to live with us in our squalid filth, drunkeness, and in the ghetto no less. it's obvious the lady is crazy. we didn't even have another bed or bedroom with which to host our young charge. we had to borrow an air mattress, and then go to the store to buy breakfast cereal that a kid might eat. those are simple problems to solve of course. it just would've been nice to have had time to make plans for that kind of thing is all. usually people don't call an hour before leaving town to ask if they can dump their kid with you.
usually.
like i said, it's obvious the lady is crazy.

it was a good weekend though. different, but good.

oh. did i mention the poor kid threw up in the car on the way to school friday?
yeah.

9 year olds just can't hold their bourbon.

***

my phone battery (NEW! CAMERA! PHONE!) died on saturday. i left it at the house to charge. on the way to my parents' house, not a mile from my house, i turn a corner and BAM! there's the Goodyear blimp in full glory all, "hey! now would be a good time to take a cool picture!"

it just damn figures.

4.25.07
fiddy

4.22.07
book title of the day: Too Many Crooks Spoil the Broth

meh, is that the most lame title ever? no? well how about Puttin' on the Grits?

yeah i know.

***

on friday night flippy, her friend becky (not to be confused with mah Aint Becky), suzie and i went to the alabama theatre in b'ham to see the one and ONLY Loretta Lynn.

it was a great show. i think i was smiling the whole time. she, of course, wore a huge fancy dress. she had to sit in a chair for most of the show, but hell, she's in her early 70s...i'd rather her sit than fall out. she's so funny and just...i don't know...precious. i'm sure she's a handful though, i know enough old southern ladies to know that they're all a bit...pushy. but still she's so cute and funny. i'm glad i've been able to see her twice now. she's an amazing person.

she didn't sing my two favorite loretta songs ("rated X" and "mrs. leroy brown"...but her granddaughter did! and she did a good job of them too.

loretta opened with "let your love flow" which i think is a bellamy brothers' song, but i'm not sure. she of course, ended the show with "coal miner's daughter".

***

i finally got a new cell phone. same number just a new phone. it's one of those fancy newfangled camera phones. this means that strange things will stop happening to me now that i've got a way to document them. say la vee.
but i still feel like a rock star now what with having a camera phone! although, i haven't figured it out yet. but it can't be too hard.

4.18.07
where have i been? let me tell you, but first a Book Title of the Day: An Ex to Grind

last week there was lots of working and some Uru playing, but not much Uru playing because of the working. on friday i got a call from my old boss who knows some chick who sings in a band who was playing that night and needed a bass player to play with her, as she was doing a solo gig and wanted there to be something besides just her and her guitar. so of course i'm all, "are you out of your mind?" and she's all, "come on, it'll be fun."

and what i have not told you is that the chick is in a country/bluegrass band and that the gig was in Middle of Nowhere Calhoun County. you can get there by first driving to Jacksonville and then turning left after the Sonic. then you drive o'er hill and dell, past the Shire, through a Stargate portal and arrive, magically, at the Rabbittown Cafe and Fiddler's Hall. and i'm not making any of this up. that's the actual name of the place.

here's the reasons i gave for NOT going:
1. i don't even play bass anymore
2. i was in a rock band. NOT country and def NOT bluegrass
3. since i'm not an actual bass player (more of a bass noodler) i find it very hard to play bass without a drummer.
3a. i can't read music.
3b. i'm not a musician at all.
4. i don't know country/bluegrass songs!
5. it's ACTUALLY called a fiddler's hall? there's no way in hell i'm going.
6. and my best excuse was that my bass amp was locked up at the church and i don't have any way of getting it until sunday. which turned out to be moot because the singer chick had a bass amp.
what are the damn odds?

so boss was all, "i knew you'd be a chicken shit about it." and i was all, "Son of a...! FINE! i'll go! but if i get raped by a hillbilly or a hobbit at this juke joint, OR bit by a rabid dog, IT'S ON YOU!"

turns out, the juke joint was very new and clean and served some awesome fried catfish and homemade slaw. the chick assured me that the songs were all G C D. so i felt a bit better about things until she capoed nearly every song. Woe is the long suffering of the bass player who doesn't know shit about music. i only knew three of the songs, and by "knew" i mean "have heard them a couple of times" hee. so i kept up as best as i could.

i must say that the singer was very nice and very reassuring and very laidback and best of all, she could really pick that guitar. her singing was great too. and she was very good at playing/standing so's i could see the fret board of her guitar. that greatly helped.

the whole place was laidback and it was pretty neat because when things would slow down in the kitchen some of the workers would come out (they all played fiddle) and they would play fiddle on a song or two and then go back to the kitchen to cook more food. then a guy came in and played banjo and a dobro.

i got to meet new people and eat some great food and i even had a good time. i guess it's okay to step out of your comfort zone every once in a while.

so that was my Friday night.

Saturday was the Alabama Chocolate Festival in Rainbow City. i really think that "chocolate festival" is not really an accurate name. so maybe next year the city will get it's act together and either actually have enough chocolate to warrant calling it a chocolate festival, or they'll dump the chocolate and call it what it is, the Rainbow City Spring Festival.

see, when i think of "chocolate fest" i think of mounds of chocolate....tons of it. full sculptures made of chocolate even. what i don't think of is a pudding eating contest (which FA participated in) and people selling M&Ms and Snickers. i'm sorry, that's not a festival of chocolate.

don't get me wrong, i'm all for a festival. just, you know, it is what it is.

dad wanted to go to the chocolate festival to see a bluegrass band that was playing around noon. so we get there and walk in and he says, "let's go find the band."
and i say, "okay, what band is it anyway?"
and he says, "some band called Distant Cousins."
and i stopped and said, "wow, small world."
and he said, "what? why?"
and i said, "i played bass with the singer last night."
"what?! where?"
"some middle of nowhere place in calhoun county."
"i can't tell if you're joking or not."
"i couldn't make up anything this bizarre."
so i told him how i was challenged by the old boss and i think he was amazed i went. i think he was also sad that he missed it. "do you think they're a good band?"
"i haven't heard them all at once but the singer and the banjo player were very good. he has a '29 Gibson banjo that he plays."
"really?!"
"well, that's what he told me. but i know dick about banjos. he could've told me it was a '78 Ford LTD and i'd've had no choice but to take him at his word. why would someone lie about a banjo? who would know...or care?"

and that was my Saturday.

on Sunday i played bass on Uncle David's worship team.

mr. fleegan and i played Guitar Hero 2 at liznchris's house. that game should really not be that fun.

it was music weekend.

my pal suzie called the other day and said that one of her friends is having a hysterectomy and that she and the other girls were going out to the Villa for drinks on tuesday night as a good luck hurrah or somesuch. i met these other girls at a jewelry party that suzie had once. they are very nice ladies, but none of them drank booze at the jewelry party so i asked suzie if they actually drank alcohol or not. she wasn't sure either.

turns out, they do.
also turns out, they're a lot of fun.

so i'm Jaimie, Meeter of People and Week Night Partier. so if you need someone to drink with you any night of the week book me in advance my schedule is always full.

4.10.07
fiddy.

okay, so i saw Grindhouse Double Feature twice this weekend. me. i willingly, gladly even, sat through a three and a half hour movie. twice times. and i must now share that Death Proof is my new all-time favorite movie. i love that movie. i love it so much that i want to see it again. Kurt Russell should win an oscar. Zoe Bell should win a Crazy as Hell Stunt Person award.
the movie is perfect. it's perfectly cast, perfectly funny, perfectly suspenseful, and perfectly over the top.
best. movie. ever.

****

over the weekend i had some kind of stomach thing. a virus or ulcer or something. it hurt REALLY bad when i moved or laid down. as long as i sat in a chair not moving it seemed okay. on sunday i sat around all day and watched approximately ninety thousand documentaries on ancient egypt. i couldn't change the channel. i wanted to change the channel. but i couldn't. and i remembered that one time back in the 3rd or 4th grade i went on a field trip with the gifted class (*shudder*) to the b'ham museum where they had an exhibit on egypt and mummies. i remember being thoroughly skeeved about the mummies, but the teacher (a huge bitch who hated children) was all, "you look at those mummies! most people NEVER get to see a mummy or ANYTHING from ancient egypt in their WHOLE LIFE."

which is kinda like education through the There Are Starving Kids in China routine. so now when i see tripe about ancient egypt on the tube, i can't help but think, "some poor bastards have never seen an actual mummy, close up behind a clear plexiglass box. their lives must be completely unfulfilled." of course, i can't seem to turn the channel either.

there are SEVERAL topics actually, that if i run across a documentary on Discovery or PBS or whatever i cannot look away. even if i've seen it before. it's morbid really. in fact, i came across one last night on PBS and yep, i watched it. it's a fact, i'll watch anything about Jim Jones and the People's Temple.
other topics i'll watch every time:
vampires
vikings
baseball
SLA
cars or motorcycles
sarah winchester house
apparently anything ancient egypt-y
manson family murders
anything greek mythology
prohibition/speakeasies/the untouchables
most conspiracy theory junk
any kind of old hollywood shenanigans

***

in other blather:
i watched the Karate Kid the other night. it was on ABCFamily. and jimmy and i watched it together. how... romantic? i haven't seen it since, probably the year it came out. although i'm sure my brother and i watched it about a hundred thousand million times when it came out.

anyway, so having seen it recently i had one of those "moments". i think laura would call it a "fortune favors the prepared mind" moment. so i'm at the movies with dad and flippy (i've mentionted Death Proof, yeah?) and this song comes on. it sounds like all the other crap songs that are on the radio and then the chorus hits, "sweep. the. leg....johnny! sweep. the. leg....johnny!"
me: did they just sing, "sweep the leg, johnny?"
dad: i dunno. i'm not listening to this shit.
me: wait...he did! dude! i just watched karate kid the other night!
dad: you did? why?
me: the ballgame was over and i flipped channels and blam, there it was.
dad: but you didn't have to watch it.
me: dad, i know you won't understand, but i really did have to watch it. it's the fucking karate kid. i mean, how many times did justin and i watch that movie?
dad: that's what i'm saying.

anyway, you can hear the song AND see the hilarious video at the No More Kings website.

and the thing is, you really should.

4.06.07
fiddy.

so the other day i was talking to my peeps and i says to them i says, "hey remember Trixie Belden?"
and they're all, "yeah. why?"
and i'm all, "well, i had to reshelf one of those books at work today, and they've made new one's i guess, but the thing is...the cover? it was...okay first? there's a picture of her head right? like in a circle at the top? and she looks like this." and i made the face. and laura (who is my soul twin, so i knew she'd have the same reaction i had) says, "WHY is her mouth open?!"
"i know!" i exclaim. "and then! on the big picture of the cover where it's all "Trixie Belden and the Mystery of the Fucked Up Mystery" she's with a friend by fence and she posed like this."
and i did the pose and everyone is like, "NO WAY! WHY?! OMGWTFBBQ!"
those weren't exactly the reactions, but it was close. my friends actually speak in real sentences and things, but the point is, we were all disturbed. so here, let me show you the book i was talking about. and you decide for yourself if it was designed for pre-teen girls or for freakshows who want to do it with pre-teen girls. hmm, i hate to see the reefer log in a couple of days.

4.04.07
another one of my favorite oldsters from the HCH died. actually two others. it's sad as all get out. one was a very cool dude named Perry. he's the one i would call 'bobo' and he called me randy-danielle, after those stupid hm freeman commercials. the other was a nice lady we call called mrs. b. we called her this because her last name was something like brzyvickwitzki and not a damn one of us could ever say it. i have a feeling she had been called mrs. b her whole married life.

***

this week has been a very busy work week. big paint job. i'm tired and my back is killing me softly with it's spine and shoulder pain.

***

the bottles of Lipton's Green Tea Citrus flavored tea drink are, how should i put this... delicious. REALLY delicious. it's less sugar than a soda but more interesting than water. i don't believe for a second that it's actually green tea or good for my body in any way, and i highly doubt that it fights cancer. but it's probably easier on the body than say...sunkist.
ooh, i really like a sunkist after a long day of hot painting.

oddly enough it's thanks to Crazy Margaret who gave me a bottle of the Litpon ice tea green tea citrus flavored drink. and in case you were wondering, yes, the bottle was sealed. plus, i don't think she'd try to poison me seeing as how she hits me up for money all the time.

4.01.07
happy birthday to all my April Fools, Buddy, Megs, and Mr. Fleegan.

so i was outside yesterday cutting down some more of my tree limbs and of course, Crazy Margaret comes by. she was talking crazy let me tell you. i can't remember any of it because it was all so crazy. but at one point she was telling me how to shave my dog. i todl her that there's no way i'm shaving the dog, i pay to have her hair clipped...she's too much dog for me to handle. so then margaret tells me how to drug my dog so that it will be easier to cut her hair.

"go buy some children's tylenol."

"what?"

"jaimie, i know what i'm talking about. a vet told me to do this, it ain't gonna hurt your dog. now, does she eat bacon and eggs for breakfast?"

"of course not, she gets dog food."

"jaimie! i'm TRYIN' TO TELL YOU HOW TO DO THIS."

"i'm not feeding her bacon and eggs."

"YOU'RE NOT LISTENING TO ME! when she eats the bacon and eggs what you gotta do is you eat a bite and then she eats a bite and then when she's done eating her bites then you drink two table spoons of the children's tylenol."

"i drink it?"

"YES! and see since you're both females the medicine will tie into her from you and it won't hurt her a bit."

"i can totally see how that would work, margaret."

eventually the postman came by on his rounds and he looked at me and kinda grinned that grin that we all have when we're around CM and another normal comes by. only, then he was screwed because she followed him as he walked the street on the way to her house in hopes that her crazy check was in the mail.

then the postman came back (he parks his jeep next to my driveway whil he walks that part of the street) without CM (perhaps she got her check?) and while i was throwing more limbs on the curb he said, "that margaret is something else." and i said, "sometimes she says the most interesting things i've ever heard."
he laughed and said, "yep, she's a pistol."