8.31.07
incidentally, i've shut my fingers in a drawer twice since wednesday. once was at work, and i was proud that i did not yell out a swear word in the middle of the 'brary. and the second time i shut my thumb in the crisper drawer of the fridge. that one bled a little, and now it's sore and i keep bumping it on everything, yeah, one of those. so my advice to you is:
A. quit buying your kids toys from china and
B. don't make fun of book titles if you're not prepared to deal with minor aches and pains.

8.29.07

something awful. these fake atari box cover art things are hilarious. except for that one...that one was too much.

i finished the nursery today and as soon as i get a pic i'll post it, cos man, i scalloped the straight edge and it looks so badass sweet. i also finished the trash can. the what?

the trash can. there was a white trash can. now it's not white any more. what color is it now? it's badass, that's what color. if pink can be badass. IT CAN WHEN I PAINT IT.

BOOK TITLES THAT SUCK:
Marsh Madness
Fiddle Dee Death
Way Down Dead in Dixie
these books are all written by caroline cousins. i don't know if the books are any good or not. what i do know is the titles make me want to slam my hand in a drawer.

8.27.07

i've been working on a nursery for some friends. and i'll let you guess if it's for a boy or a girl:

he doesn't stand a chance, does he?

8.21.07
i like James Taylor and think he's a brilliant song writer. however, his song Millworker should be sung exactly like this:

james' version is too... soft. emmylou's is all right, but bruce really does the song justice.

8.18.07

fiddy

sometimes Cookie and i talk about these funny Choose Your Own Adventure titles that somethingawful.com did:

http://www.somethingawful.com/d/comedy-goldmine/choose-your-own.php?page=1

8.16.07
fiddy

mr. fleegan had to have a tooth pulled out of his head yesterday. if it had been me i'd be all mopey and eating pain pills and whining about having to eat yogurt, and poor old me and my tooth of woe!

but not mr. fleegan. he came home and slept the rest of the valium and gas off and then woke up and was all, "hey thanks for getting the prescription filled while i was out."

"you're welcome! is it hurting? should you take this pain medicine now? the paper says to take it an hour after the surgery."

"nah. i don't need it."

"but...but, i got it. for you. with money. we bought this."

"it doesn't hurt that bad."

"gah, you...with your mouth healing. remember how when you had your wisdom teeth cut out you ate lasagna that night? and how, when i had mine cut out i sat in a recliner for a week drugged out of my mind and eating spoonfuls of yogurt for meals?"

"heh. what a baby."

"what are we going to do with this medicine?"

"we could sell it to your dad."

8.14.07
here's some punny book titles:

Kilt Dead - there was a picture of a tartan and bagpipes
Scots on the Rocks
RV There Yet?
A Killer Stitch

and here's a crazy DEATH title:

The Flaming Luau of Death

that's a real book, yo.

8.12.07

fiddy.  

you know, it seems like i'm really going to meet my goal of fifty books this year!

shit. i just jinxed it.

8.07.07
today i was painting at the HCH, and i was painting a very nasty bathroom. it was so nasty, in fact, that there was several small pools of blood on the floor. dad had been cutting a doorway into a wall in that apartment so i asked him if he hurt himself or something.

"what? no. why?"

"there's blood in here. on the floor."

"it's not mine."

"well this is weird cos it's not quite dry. lookit, see how it's still red in some areas? shouldn't it be brown if it were old and dried?"

dad sticks his head in the doorway, peeks, and goes back to what he was doing.

"i dunno. but it's not mine."

"yeah well, was there anyone else in here today? no one's lived here for a couple of weeks now. was there...a werewolf in here this morning?"

dad sticks his head in the doorway and says, "yeah. his hair was perfect."

i died. that is one of our favorite song lyrics because it is so bizarre. our other favorite part of that song is the part that goes,

"You better stay away from him
He'll rip your lungs out, jim.
I'd like to meet his tailor."

such a classic.

8.04.07

fiddy.

mr. fleegan is gone for the week on a training thingie for his job. he's been gone for about 5 minutes now. i already miss him and am dreading the week to come as i know i'll be all pathetic and lame. i'm also dreading my probable dinners of cold spaghetti o's straight from the can.

***

yesterday i did some major house cleaning and the thing is...i barely made a dent. although the house does smell a lot cleaner. i've swept up so much cat and dog hair that i could make 10 cats out of it. but instead of making sculptures out of it i merely threw it away. am i wasting perfectly good pet hair?

this morning i mowed the lawn. i started at 8am...is that too early to start mowing? i could hear the neighbors next door so i know that at least most of them were already awake, but i would hate to know that i ruined anyone's day to sleep in by cranking up a small combustion engine. although the lot next door is owned by the city and they seem to have no trouble at all mowing that bitch with a giant land clearing machine at 6am every month. jerkholes.