| September 2005 Dribblings | |
September 29 i am filled with word shenannigans. while i was reading one of the awful, terrible Anita Blake novels i noticed that one of the last names of one of the characters was Doughals, and i thought, gee, that's a weird name. and then i thought, hey, that's an anagram for sad ghoul. and then i thought, stop that jaimie, you little weirdo. *** mr. fleegan and i are going to TN (good ol' floppy top!) this weekend to spend some time with leetle brahther and cindy. *** tmobile has changed the voicemail. i'm not sure why. but i had to go through the whole ordeal to change the message and password and all. that. jayaaaaazzzzzz. that jazz! (how many song references can i fit in this post anyway?)* *** is there a difference in pot roast and roast beef? or are they same thing? *** i think, in october, i'm going to try to not use a swear word on the blog. i still reserve the right to swear on the message board and the weekly (if there is one) and in real life. but i'm going to try (try, mind) to refrain on the blog. blog sounds so lame doesn't it? journal sounds better, to me. but i guess it's not so hip. what is hip? *i count 5. September 28 i ended up spending $50. le sigh. ugh, and i forgot paper towels, again. i've got mush for brains. probably from the poison. there'a a weird bruise on my leg right above my knee. it's the tiniest bruise ever. it looks like two freckles and for some reason? IT HURTS LIKE THE DICKENS. i don't know what i hit it on, apparently something small. jimmy says it looks like a spider bite or something. speaking of spider
bites. jimmy: have you been around spiders lately? me: no more than usual. jimmy: do you feel it when you first get bit? me: if i do i don't remember. jimmy: ... me: i think they get me in my sleep. hey! jimmy: what? me: that's...that's dirty pool! jimmy: you nerd. September 27 anyway. i've read two books since last time. 50 Books this just in: mr. fleegan and i saw Flightplan.
it was good, but then again, have you ever seen a Jodie
Foster movie that wasn't good? hm? admittedly i've never
seen Anna and the King, but only because there
were no songs. but i know the premise from watching the
musical starring yul brynner and...deborah kerr? was she
the chick? oh i don't know. i'm sure the main points are
the same, she's a teacher and he's a sassy king who is
says etcetera a lot and is used to getting his way. *is that from the
king and i? my memory is not firing on all cylinders
today. i blame the trip to Lowe's. when i was a kid i had
a fisher price-type music box thing that played that
song, Whistle a Happy Tune. it just sort of
clinked the song out and the words were printed on the
back. and it had these kids walking in the woods and they
were scared and whistling. anyone? ha! click this picture. do you see the mickey mouse on the shelf? I HAD THAT. and oh man, you'd pull a string on his back and he's say "i want more cheese, please." in a highpitched voice and the bottom part of the mouth would open and close. ANIMATRONIC. and? to this day? i still say that sometimes...in a highpitched voice. CRAZY! you can buy me one of those for my birthday too. it'll be RANDOM CRAZY OLD TOY BIRTHDAY. YAY! September 21 a conversation with dad: me: well, usually you get so many free and then they charge ten cents per message. dad: oh hell. me: what a weirdo. d: there was this lady at the hospital, nice lady, and she was talking about a friend of hers who would only send text messages. and she said her phone bill the first month was 50 extra bucks because of her idiot friend. m: oh that sucks! d: yeah. she finally told her friend to stop it and just call her. i don't get that at all. i mean, what the hell? m: it's just gimicky, i guess. d: it's like Morse Code. we pay extra to send Morse fucking Code to each other. m: heeeeeeeeee! Morse Code! d: seriously, it's like we've gone back in time. m: i hadn't thought of it that way. but you're on to something there. d: Morse Code, man. deetdootditdootdeetdootdoot and for what?! why don't you just CALL ME?! IT'S CHEAPER. m: hahahahahahaha deetdootdeetdoot HEY DUMBASS STOP deetdootdeetditdoot YOUR CELL PHONE IS NOT A TELEGRAPH STOP deetdootdeetdootdeetdoot. STOP! STOP d: BAHahahahahahahahaa! m: Morse Code. dad, you're hilarious. *** laura: have you seen the previews for the new movie with whatsername? jimmy: Flightplan with Jodie Foster? yeah, it looks good. jaimie: what?! how the hell did you know what movie she was talking about?! movie people. sometimes they just know. september 20 part II so yesterday was awesome and today kicked my ass. see how everything evens out? yesterday Cakehole helped me
paint a double room at the Holy House. it would've taken
me all day but with our powers combined it took about 3
and a half hours. and for lunch we had MAGIC BURGER
because he had never been there before. that afternoon i was on the phone with laura (geez, either i'm on the phone with you a lot, or things just happen while i'm on the phone with you. odd.) and i heard someone outside talking ot my dog and said, "oh hell. someone's talking to my dog i better go check it ou- hey! it's someone in a jeep! i gotta go." and it was DAN! he came by to meet Roxy. and then he said, "i wanted to check out the air filter in your lawnmower." i know, what on old line that is, huh? hee. kidding. he had seen me out mowing last week and it was so dusty and he wanted to fix it for me 'cos he's a dad and that's what dad's do. they help clueless girls with small combustion engines. well, of course the air
filter was filled with dirt and pollen and other such
things that give you Sinus Plague. so he fixed it and
said, "when was the last time the oil was changed in
this thing?" 'cos if you own a jeep? you own an oil leak. so no kidding, he turns it upside down to let the oil drain out and there's like, maybe two tablespoons of oil in it. oops. but now, thanks to Dan, there's NEW oil in it. then he said i needed a new blade for it as the old one is unsharpenable. neat. i was all, "geez dan, you're the Lawnmower Man." and then he tells me that he's had the SAME SNAPPER PUSH MOWER FOR 18 YEARS. HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE?! i told him
that he's a walking commercial. later that night i told
my dad about the 18 year old lawnmower and he was all,
"my god, that's a commercial!" September 20 i want to tell you guys
about my awesome monday (not sarcastic). but i don't have
enough time right now. maybe this evening i'll have some
time and i'll tell you all about My. Awesome. Monday.
starring: September 18 justin got to come home today! he's still miserable but at least he's home. thanks to all for the prayers and please keep on praying. pretty please? *** Roxy the Rockstar barked all night last night. i wanted to kill her. i'm sure the neighbors did too. on friday morning as i was leaving for work there was an old black lady and a little boy at the fence playing with Roxy. i talked to them and the lady said they come by every morning and she said that the little boy yells, "SIT!" and Roxy sits. and they he yells, "LAY DOWN!" and Roxy lays down. and then he gives her a stick through the fence and Roxy takes it and eats it. so i look at the kid and i say, "well, what's your name little man?" and the lady says, "his name is Anthony Elijah Jones!" and i said, "wow! that's a powerful name!" and he looked scared and she said, "c'mon Tony, let's go finish our walk." and i thought, geez, they call him tony? September 16 owahtagoosiam. September 15 justin might get to come
home tomorrow! he's been eating, so that's a good sign.
also, he has a fever. please keep praying for the dude. my brother rocks, no? *** at this office building where i'm working there's 3 bathrooms. only one of them is usable and i used it twice yesterday. well. this afternoon i have to pee, right? so i walk in the bathroom and turn on the light and approach the tiolet and... and... there was something...in the toilet already. and it's not what you think. there wasn't a turd or anything NORMAL like that. i took one look and
calmly walked back out. so i walked back in and
looked and...no. it was still there. and she is so right.
other people? other people HAVE camera phones. other
people WANT camera phones. me? i actually NEED a camera
phone. because that toilet either *** over the weekend jimmy had the hiccups. laura, they are JUST LIKE YOURS. the weird thing? i NEVER KNEW THAT because i have NEVER been with him when he's had the hiccups. WHAT?! I KNOW! "jimmy! those are ridiculous!" "*HRRALC* i know!" "oh my gosh! you've never hiccuped around me before! how is this possible?!" "*HRRALC* jaimie, i can't *HRRALC* remember the last *HRRALC* time i've had the hicRALCcups hiccups." "really? it's been years?" "uh RALC huh." "that is crazy." "how often HICRALP do you get them?" "oh like twice a month or something." "really?" "oh yeah, i'm bad about swallowing a drink and breathing at the same time. so i get them a lot. but they don't sound like yours. i don't think they are as violent." September 13 my leetle brahther had
his surgery today. the proceedure took about 5 hours and
the surgeon said he was pleased with how it went. they
removed his colon no problem. they were supposed to
remove all of the rectum but they only took part of it
and said that they'll probably have to take the rest of
it out at another time. we are all severely bummed about
this because i guess we'll find out tomorrow why they didn't take it all out. there's probably a good reason for it. there better be a good reason for it. it's 10:30pm and i
haven't heard from mom and dad which means either please continue to pray for him. September 11 i had to work today which is kind of a bummer 'cos it's sunday and i'm a monday-friday gal, y'know? but i'm getting too busy. i dare not complain about having too much work, right? because honestly i'm thankful that i've been able to have so much work because i was worried when dad quit that i would have a hard time finding work, but it's been very steady and in fact, it's getting to be overwhelming. the job i start on
monday is HUGE and that = cheese, but the lady i'm
working for is PUSHY. and i HATE THAT. and i swear, if
she doesn't BACK OFF i WILL QUIT. no kidding, she's
really demanding. and it's getting to the point where i'm
afraid my Smart Mouth is going to start talking. she
called me friday night, okay? 7:45pm. to tell me i can
start the job. so i tell her i'll be there monday. she
says, "well, would you be able to come before
then?" she constantly does
stuff like that. i told her when i first looked at the
job that i don't take down wallpaper and that if she
wants all the borders and things taken down to find
someone to do that because i don't do that. FOR THE LOVE! IT'S CALLED THE YELLOW PAGES! i mean, round and round! i really think i'm going to end up losing it and i'll either quit or get fired. September 9 September 8 chump! *** i'm trying to read They Shall Know Our Velocity by Dave Eggers. i'm almost halfway through it, and i hope i stick with it, it's just really faulkner-y. but like, postmodern. yeesh. i make it sound horrible don't i? it's not so bad. it's just kinda all over the place. *** Roxy is barking. she's
barking at Crazy Lola's house. i imagine that she's
saying, "hey! hey lady! your house! smells! like
pee! hey! HEY! lady? lady!" September 7 yay old jeeps! it only cost me $200 to get her fixed, which as laura pointed out to me, is less than a car payment. *that old weekly just
kills me. when i called laura to tell her about it i
said, "hey i just wrote this valentine's weekly and
it starts out, "i love you, sexy. we've been
together for 10 years now-" she does that ALL THE TIME. you know how pamie.com is the Wonderkiller? well laura is the Wind Out Of Your Sails Taker...and if i had any kind of vocabulary at all i'd have been able to come up with a better way to describe that. she is a GOON. *** fellykish came back from hellhio. she was glad to find that i had not stolen any Magic Frogs or foiled her place. and she said she liked the additions i had made to her calendar. September 6 this afternoon, after
work, Popsicle and i were waiting at the mechanic's place
and i said to him, i said, "mom left me a voicemail.
she says she making chicken tonight and i'm
invited." "oh well, i think
she mentioned rice." after i went home and showered i got to mom and dad's and i walk in and dinner smells great and i go over to the casserole dish and there sits 900 chicken thighs on a bed of rice. "mmmm," i say,
"look, dad! mom made thighs! nummy!" okay. right there is where i first burst into scream laughter. 'cos dad totally missed the boat on that one. "great, now you got
her started." and this is where i lost it completely and ended up sprawled across two chairs and shrieking like a loon. poor mom.
poor, poor mom. she loves us so much. and we love her
too, we just...can't help ourselves. don't you
wish YOU could have dinner with us? September 5 today i woke up feeling
pretty sick and not just Sinus Allergies of Great Mystery
sick either. i felt a little queasy and had a bad case of
repeated explosive shitting. then at noon dad calls and
asks if i'll go to the Holy House and empty the garbage
chute. i figure i owe him 'cos so before i go i eat a
piece of cheese (even though i've been afraid to eat
anything because everything sounds so gross) and take
ANOTHER explosive crap and then venture out into public.
i get two barrels of trash emptied and whew, it's gross.
and i think, "oh hell. i'm gonna puke." so i go
outside to get some fresh air. so we get on the elevator: her, me, and a shopping cart with a TV in it. then this other lady who is a notorious Talker jumps on at the last minute and starts talking and doesn't shut up. i'm in a back corner. the elevator stops. what? no! 1st floor! 1st floor! an old lady from the 7th floor gets on. so there's four of us and a shopping cart with a tv in it. okay let's go let's go...NOOOOOOoooooo! it stops on the 5th floor and TWO MORE LADIES get on. i am crammed in the corner and sweating like stuck hog and everything is getting lighter? and the old ladies are ALL rocking their own flavor of Estee Lauder (which is SO not helping) and now the prayer has changed. Dear Lord, Please don't let me puke and/or pass out in the elevator. please? these old ladies will DIE. and i'll be trampled and run over by a shopping cart with a tv in it and please just get me to the 1st floor bathroom, m'kay? so Talker looks at me
and says, "you don't look good. are you okay?" then i ran my face in
the cool water of the sink. then, one of the old ladies
wanted to know if i was all right. "yes ma'am."
so i go and get some
water and sit down in the cool, cool kitchen. i drink and
then...because i am sweating like a sweat machine i start
shivering because the air is cranked to 11 in the
kitchen. oh. his day off. yeah. yes, we mustn't fuck up his FOUR DAY WEEKEND. i mean, gosh. the poor guy had to party on thursday, friday AND AND AND saturday. (see yesterday's post.) and hell, he's getting ready for another cookout at a friend's house today so yes, we mustn't bother him with things such as...HIS JOB. like, TAKING OUT THE TRASH. "sure," i
croak, and completely dread getting back on the elevator.
so i go up to the 5th floor laundry room and it's so hot
in there 'cos it's like a closet with a dryer running in
it and oohhh, so queasy. and i check the coin thingies on
both machines and i thought i was going to heave in the sink of the laundry room but i didn't. and i got back on the elevator and thankfully it was a straight shot down and i so i wobbled outside and called my awesome friend kris to come pick me up 'cos i didn't think i could drive home. and i nearly cried because i am not the type that calls for help. but it was such a relief to know that i didn't have to drive at that moment. and all i had to concentrate on was not puking in his car. when i got home i laid down and drank some water and it was a battle of the Freezing Sweats for about two hours with more explosive shats. by 4pm my temp was back to normal and i'd stopped crapping and i was even hungry. so mr. fleegan came by and took me to get dad's truck and i went to the store to buy bread, peanut butter, and milk so i could have cereal for dinner. well, around 8pm i'm ready for dinner but guess what? my genius-ass forgot to buy milk. so for dinner just now? i ate a peanut butter and Honey Smacks sandwich. it was crunchy. and i felt pathetic eating it. at first i was all, "well, this will be cool!" and then while i was eating it i got depressed and i called mr. fleegan and told him what i was eating. he was all, "ew. jaimie, i'll bring you something to eat." but i wasn't that hungry. ugh, what a waste of a holiday. Sepember 4 allergies?! ALLERGIES?! i've never had so-called "allergies" in my life! i refuse to believe in allergies. however, all this nonesense started after i picked up the nine billion sticks and branches that had fallen in the yard. dammit. but i don't think i can make myself go to the doctor, because even though i have insurance it STILL costs actual money to see the doc, and i can't afford it right now because: *** rockstar Roxy is sick too. she's been hacking. i thought it was from all the logs and sticks she's been eating. i figure she's got splinters in her throat. (you should see her poo. it looks like sticks and bark and poo. stoopid.) but if she's still hacking on tuesday i figure i'll take her to the vet to get her checked out. $$$ *** the jeep is broken. it's wants to start, God love her, but somethings wonky with either the fuel line or fuel pump or something. it's acting like it's not getting any gas. she's stuck at mom and dad's house until tuesday i guess, then i'll call a wrecker to take it to my mechanic's place. $$$ *** so early this morning
(12:15) i get a phone call and it's my leetle brahther.
he, cindy, and dad are at the bar and he's locked his
keys in the car. he wants me to drive to the bar 'cos i
have dad's truck (see above paragraph) which has tools in
it. normally, this wouldn't have been a big deal to me.
the bar is a couple blocks away from where i live.
however, i was sleeping like the dead, because of my
throat/ear/eye soreness. and i was pissed to be awakened
from it because by the time i got home my head/throat/ears was hurting so bad that i couldn't fall asleep. so i ended up watching Little House on the Prarie until 3am, but that is a different, longer story. September 3 the phone call went like
this: she has the Known World's Smallest Litter Box for two, TWO cats. and she uses some kind of birdseed looking cat litter. no good. so i went and bought The Good Stuff (ie. Arm & Hammer litter. the ONLY litter that works.) i got the MULTIPLE CAT kind 'cos i think it has more baking soda in it to keep the odor away. i think once she sees how AWESOME that cat litter is, she'll be unable to go back to the birdseed litter. when i went by this morning to check on the kitties Fergie was all about eating and Yoda was all about being petted. he bit me, the little ass hat. also, he can jump very high. September 1 mr. fleegan and i rented Shaun of the Dead because my leetle brahther told me it was hilarious. when it ended mr. fleegan and i both agreed that it wasn't very good. it's weird when we agree on movies like that. i mean yes, i liked the parts where people get hit on the head with things...but really, it was a sad movie. justin, you left out how sad it was. *** most of the gas stations in town are out of gas. i find this unbelievable in that way where you see something with your own eyes and you know it to be true because you were right there and yet, you still don't believe it. i hear that the gas trucks are coming tonight at midnight, but i don't know if it's true or not. i keep wondering why the gas is gone...i keep wondering why people lined up and waited in huge lines for gas...all at the same time...were they doing it to try to save 20 cents on the gallon? were they doing it because they knew the town would run out of gas today? were they nervous as they pumped gas...thinking about people...roadwarriors...coming by and killing them for their full gas tank? were they nervous as they drove away...looking in the rearview mirror...catching a glimpse of some construction going on thinking, "...is that the new school? or Thunderdome?" |
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