7.04.06

Category: dribblings

happy fourth of the july!

i went to mom&dad’s and had hotdogs, smoked sausage, beans, and macaroni salad. it was all so good. it was good until the neighbors brought over a karaoke machine. i shit you not. i can honestly say that’s the first time that’s ever happened.

i managed to leave unscathed.

when i got back to the ‘hood i thought i was under attack with all the firecrackers that were being shot off…in the pouring rain.
Kaze is going batshit insane in the basement right now.
Toonces Whorecat is in the closet hiding.
Roxy’s all, “hey, you got anything to eat?”

***

yesterday the old lady i take to dialysis, junebug, fell in her apartment and broke her arm and it was thought that she also broke her hip. the last i heard (which was late last night) it was just her arm that was broken. the poor little ol’ thing. she only weighs 85 pounds soaking wet. i can fit her in my pocket.

***

kelly comes back from ohio tomorrow. i miss the old slut.

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7.03.06

Category: dribblings

Crazy Margaret saw me in the yard today. she came over to tell me that she needs a job.

“i need to get a job, jaimie. my son was a deaf mute and he works he says if you can shit and wipe your own ass you can get a job and that’s what’s wrong with the church he got a job at a cement company and now he’s worked up to where he’s the one with the big truck and he drives to all the jobs and checks to make sure they’re working. but i told him i need a car to get a job i can’t walk to Attalla ever’day! you need to sell me one of your jeeps.”

“no.”

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7.02.06

Category: dribblings

cookie magoo, i don’t know if you’ve ever read this guy’s blog but if you were an older gay man? i think you’d be this guy (don’t take that the…wrong? way?). i love reading his blog and i’ve been meaning to tell you about it for some time. so go! read!

*

i did not write an essay for www.fleegancentral.com last week. i couldn’t think of a song. i know! how is that possible? i think it’s cos i haven’t listened to the oldies station in 9 days. which, let’s face it, is a new record for me. last week i listened to my iPod while i painted and i listened to internet radio while i worked in the office. so my cheese to non-cheese ratio was way off.

**

i’ve been meaning to tell you guys about www.archive.org which is a great site with free live music of bands that you’ve actually heard of. i downloaded some awesome Bluestraveler, Cracker, Derek Trucks Band, and The Dirty Dozen Brass Band shows. some of the files are in a weird format i’ve never heard of (FLAC) but i downloaded a hickie and i can play and burn the files (through WINAMP, but i still had to download the FLAC hickie) so blah blah blah.

laura and liz: they even have several Waterdeep shows.

they also have a WAY COOL thing where they’ve digitalized (word?) old 78rpm records of CRAZY things from WWI songs to racial songs to just plain old shit that i love.

***

i got to see my little bro this weekend. yes, i’m bragging.

**

my plumbing is now fixed. again. i think.
it took mr. fleegan’s dad, my dad, three trips to Lowe’s, and 4 hours. but now, i can take a crap in my own toilet and FLUSH it. i can take a shower! GLORY!
i’m not sure if the prob with the washing machine is fixed, but it seems like it has to be fixed.

*

have you ever seen The Vicar of Dibley show?
how hilarious is that anyway? i love Dawn French. i think she’s brilliant with Jennifer Saunders, but in this she’s good too.

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7.02.06

Category: dribblings

i have two major plumbing problems right now, right now…on a long 4 day holiday.
things i cannot do this weekend because if i do them the water ends up in my basement:
flush my toilet
take a shower
wash dishes
wash clothes

the main problem is a hole in the 4in drain pipe that takes all my nasty used water to the sewer.

the other problem is the drain pipe to the washing machine is…i don’t know what, i’m guessing it’s clogged up as huge amounts of water come out of the floor drain in my basement when i wash a load of clothes. i wasn’t aware that the floor drain even went to anything, i thought it was just an old floor drain that the embalmers or whoever used.

i’m depressed, angry and upset and my basement smells gross. not as gross as Lola’s house but still it’s more gross than i want my basement to smell.

and it’s kind of a pain in the ass to drive over to a friend’s house every time i need to pee. and hello? i’m the Queen of Bowel Movements. it gets old fast.

i hope your holiday is going smoother than mine.

so now i’ve got the basement door wide open so she can hide in the corner from the big, bad firecrackers. jimmy did think to put a ladder across the bottom of the door so that the dogs can go in and out of the basement and hopefully it will keep Roxy from dragging anything out of the basement.

****

i don’t know about you, but i got sucked into Broken Trail last night and i could hardly wait to see the conclusion tonight. and i’m not one for westerns, but it was a great story that just made you want to know what was going to happen next. i was really disappointed at the end though. yeah, you badass cowboys…afraid of wimmin.
cowards!
fags!
whatever.

but it was a great movie. i bet it wins an award. something like best mini-series starring robert duvall or something.

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6.30.06

Category: dribblings

txt! msgs! fck!

why is there a members only jacket hanging on every public coat rack?
– Laura

hey thanks for the heads up on garbage day
– Kelly

Listen here whoreface, i’m giving you two extra days, I expect my money tomorrow or else!
-Kelly

“End of the World” by Skeeter Davis
-Kelly

I had no idea u were a fan of Madonna
-Kelly

i see you.
-Cindy

i see you.
-Your Brother

thumb is getting tired. are u coming to the sports plex?
-Cindy

FREE BEERS MY ASS!
-Kelly

June says to make sure she has her cane when she leaves today.
-Kelly

Yay boobies.
-Kelly

I stopped in berea kentucky. i will let you know when i get to the big oh.
-Kelly

The thing the HH did with HUD, was that a 221(d)(3) by any chance?
-Liz

****

even when Liz sends a txt she sounds like a genius.

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6.29.06

Category: dribblings

9:30pm
Crazy Margaret is in the driveway ringing the bell.

shit.

i go out to see what crazy damn thing she’s got going.

“jaimie! jaimie! have you seen that red truck that parks over there at that house no one is home and the light is on and he’s real bad off and she’s 90 years old and they’re ususally at home at this time of night.”

“i saw it this afterno-“

“you know they been killin’ old people in gadsden i told them to be careful like and not to open the door or answer the phone if it’s a weird number.”

“that’s-“

“hey, you got a cold drink for me? i done ate some ice cream and it made me puke i puked it all up and then i drank some ice milk and puked that up and so i’s wondering you had a cold coke or something.”

“you always puke when you eat ice-“

“hey what time you leave for work in the morning?”

“i dunno, 8:30 or 9.”

“okay, you can run me up to get my check and take me to pay my gas bill ‘cos i can’t walk on this foot like this it’s all swollen and i put sulfur in my shoe to take the swelling down but it backfired on me i’m like my brother i’m allergic to sulfur so i’ll come by and you can run me-“

“margaret. i’ll give you a stamp and you can mail your bill but i’m not-“

“i can mail it on my own but i need my check i can’t walk to alabama city to get my check. i’ll give you ten dollars to run me up there.”

“margaret, i’m not driving you anywhere.”

“okay.”

i’m so lucky. i’m so getting a camera to record her.

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6.27.06

Category: dribblings

i love working at the HCH. lately i’ve been doing mostly office work instead of painting. it’s a neat change ‘cos it’s not as hard physically. i go home in the afternoon and i don’t have bug bites or sore knees. that’s always nice.

the only downside to working there is seeing how much debt the place has. i go through all the bills and think, “this is impossible.” it really makes me sad because i love that place so much. i want it to work. i want it to rock. i want numbers that make sense. i want the utilities companies to cut us a break. i want to fire people who are taking up space and not working. i want air in my office. i want that place working like a well-oiled machine that’s able to pay it’s bills every month without having to pick and choose who gets screwed. i want HUD to do it’s job and HELP us instead of the way it’s jerking us around. CONSTANTLY.

i just want things to work right. i love that stupid place and all those crusty old people who live in it.

don’t worry, my cancerous ice heart hasn’t melted or anything. i’m not even approaching mushball status yet. i don’t even have real feelings. just small pebbles where the feelings should be.

still, if you worked around that place it’d get into you and you’d love it too. you’d even be surprised how much you love the oldsters. and when one of them dies, or has to leave to go to a nursing home, you’d be surprised how sad it makes you. you’d be surprised when one day you walk into the lobby and see old ladies sitting around a giant screen TV watching 9 to 5 and murmmering about Dolly’s boobs, and over by the mailboxes there’s 2 old guys bullshitting about cars and fishing, and they all smile at you and say hi and of course none of them can remember your name but some of them get pretty close, “hi janie!” or “hi amy!” and the ones that can’t remember don’t even try and just say, “hi girl!” or “hey there little one.” and you’d be surprised that it hits you outta thin air that this place isn’t just an apartment complex, but it’s a huge crazy family, and you’ll forever have to sit at the kid’s table.

then, when you reread that last paragraph, you’ll be surprised at how naive and mawkish you sound.

***

i had to look up mawkish in the dictionary to make sure i was using the word right. turns out, it comes from the word maggot. ew. how did they pull that one out? words are weird.

***

also, more of the same with the firecrackers today/night. i guess this will be a losing battle for me for the next two weeks or so. unless of course, i kill Kaze. which, isn’t out of the question. i tell you, pets are totally not worth the hassle. damn stupid animals.

oh well.

When I’m stuck with a day
That’s gray, and lonely,
I just stick out my chin
And Grin, and Say…..

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6.26.06

Category: dribblings

one, two….nitty gritty.

i live in the ‘hood. also, i live in what you might call Little Mexico. and all the little niños have purchased firecrackers with their allowance pesos. and today they shot firecrackers all day and all night long. because every day is a holiday of some kind.

that’s fine. i don’t care.

but Kaze.

Kaze cares. in fact, she’s lost her mind. she freaks out around firecrackers and she has had one huge freakout all day

AND NIGHT

long.

she has killed both the screen door and the basement door. they’re still on hinges…but i’m going to have to purchase a new basement door this weekend. if i can find one that size. it’s a small, narrow door.

so now i’ve got the basement door wide open so she can hide in the corner from the big, bad firecrackers. jimmy did think to put a ladder across the bottom of the door so that the dogs can go in and out of the basement and hopefully it will keep Roxy from dragging anything out of the basement.

****

i don’t know about you, but i got sucked into Broken Trail last night and i could hardly wait to see the conclusion tonight. and i’m not one for westerns, but it was a great story that just made you want to know what was going to happen next. i was really disappointed at the end though. yeah, you badass cowboys…afraid of wimmin.
cowards!
fags!
whatever.

but it was a great movie. i bet it wins an award. something like best mini-series starring robert duvall or something.

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6.25.06

Category: dribblings

i’m sure tons of things have happened in 5 days, but i can’t remember much of them.

thursday and friday i got to work indoors. what a blessing! i love the sweet, sweet, stale AC.

This morning i woke up saying the pledge of allegiance. what was amazing is that i seemed to know all the words. perhaps that’s not actually amazing though, seeing as how we had to say it everyday at school for my whole life starting when i was 3. so yeah, i guess that shit better be in my subconscience.

anyway, kind of a weird thing to wake up to. but then, when i tried to say it again while i was fully awake? i couldn’t remember the part with “liberty and justice for all” and instead ended it with “for thine is the kingdom, the power, the glory….waitaminute.” i got it on the second try though.
yay pledge!

***

thursday was Faithful Atheist’s birthday. none of us knew it was going to be his birthday or i’m sure we would’ve planned a much better party. as it was we had him over for spaghetti and cake and Crazy Margaret.

FA was able to get some audio. so for the first time ever, you, the internet, can hear the Crazy Margaret.

there are 7 clips in all.

thank you FatAss for having the technology!

this was probably the highlight of the week. how could it not? i realize i’m mean and cruel for getting her over to my house just so my friends could listen to how batshit insane she is…but it was my friend’s birthday, and well, what do you get the guy who has all the cool toys already? well, besides a hooker.

and it’s not like i’m totally cold-hearted. i gave her some food and some soda. my heart is not completely filled with hate. just mostly.

***

so anyway, what’s been going on with you?

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6.20.06

Category: dribblings

it was 6,000 degrees today. working outside today was quite draining. i was wheezing while standing still. i’m jealous of all of you with your jobs with the AC and the water cooler and the office gossip and the wacky coworkers and the lounge with the soda and snack machines and the internet and the free telephone and the sneaking of internet porn and the harsh but loving boss with the constantly rumpled shirt and tie.

my job is pretty sweet sometimes though. like yesterday and today i saw brown recluse spiders. they’re a lot bigger than i thought they were. i thought they were smallish with short legs. nay!

i hate working outside in the nature.

***

we watched Sarah Silverman’s Jesus is Magic special this evening. it was really funny. i don’t know how she can say all those things with a completely straight face. speaking of “straight” faces…

then i watched Rent by myself because jimmy was afraid he’d hear the pretty songs and like them. it’s a good movie, but it’s kind of like watching the gayest episode of Law and Order ever. i’ve never watched an episode of Law and Order but i have seen bits and pieces of eps over at liznchris’s house because it is ALWAYS ON AT THEIR HOUSE. honestly, it’s always on. i don’t even have to exaggerate. they couldn’t and wouldn’t deny it.

anyway, i think every one of the cast is either on or guest starred on Law and Order. so liz, you guys should rent Rent and watch your favorite lawyers be gay and sing about love.

the characters were all right, but the Rock and Roll Guy, he….his voice…maybe it was just him but, i didn’t care for him or his voice. he kind of had this Bon Jovi thing…but i’m sorry, no. oh, and it took me way too long to figure out he had AIDS. not that it was a secret at all. it was just one of those things i hadn’t really thought about until the other girl was all, “AZT break!” and i was all, “what? isn’t that for AIDS? oh…she has AIDS.” and then he looked relieved and i thought, “OH! he had AIDS and that’s why he was being a dick. i see. well how nice for them to both have AIDS so they can now date each other.” see, when he was singing “i should tell her…” blah blah blah, i thought he meant he should tell her that his last girlfriend was hooked on smack and died. i missed the AIDS thing. me? an unobservant idiot? why, yes!

Taye Diggs doesn’t play a big part…but he is really hot. reow.

words to describe this movie would be: fun! songy. sweet. love.  sad. sadder. sweet sad. artists. citylife. AIDS.

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