The One About Pink Floyd

Category: weekleez

The One About Pink Floyd
June 22, 2005

hi kids,

cookie and i were talking about Pink Floyd, and she’s JUST NOW understanding why Pink Floyd is SO AWESOME. and if you haven’t gotten there yet, and you think Pink Floyd is overrated and lame? then i can’t hear you. you’re talking, but all i hear is “blah blah Pink Floyd blah blah.” and don’t even start in on the whole if-you-don’t-smoke-drugs-then-Pink-Floyd-sucks thing. because really, i’m sure it’s awesome, but it’s not necessary, and anyone telling you otherwise is NOT ACTUALLY A PINK FLOYD FAN. so don’t talk to them anymore.

i’m not going to deny that the members of the band were probably on all kinds of drugs when they wrote their songs. because, duh. have you ever listened to one of their songs? but, that doesn’t mean you have to smoke drugs or shoot up drugs or inhale drugs through your nose or anus to enjoy Pink Floyd.

and just to prove my point, go back in time and ask the 6th grade me if i need to smoke drugs to “get” Pink Floyd.
let me save you some time, she won’t talk to you because you’re weird and you startled her, but if she would, she’d say, “no.” and then she’d go back to playing her dad’s albums on her Cabbage Patch Kids suitcase record player.
dad had Meddle, Wish You Were Here, Dark Side of the Moon, The Wall, and Animals on vinyl. and my brother and i used to listen to them a lot.
A LOT.

i think what my brother and i loved about the Floyd was that it was obvious that the band was talented musically, lyrically, and technically (as in being into technology)…because…all those sounds! and the lyrics? oh man. amazing! and when it’s obvious to an 8 year old, i mean, c’mon.

now listen, i know that not every Pink Floyd song is a masterpiece and should appreciated by all, okay? in fact, i’d say a lot of their stuff is self-serving. i mean, come on, when one side of the album is one song? i’m looking at you, Echoes. (ha, what are you laughing at Allman Bros.? Whippin’ Post indeed. we’re all tied to the whippin’ post when that song comes on the radio. yeah dad, i said it.)
and? i’m not such a Pink Floyd fan/snob that i won’t admit that sometimes? sometimes when i’m listening to the classic rock station? and Money comes on? i’ve been known to change the station because, hello? there are other PF songs out there.

Dear Radio Stations,

There are other Pink Floyd albums besides Dark Side and The Wall, m’kay? perhaps you could purchase one?

Love,
Jaimie

i think what helped me fall in love with Pink Floyd when i was a kid was the album covers. they were so cool-looking and had the lyrics on them, and i would read or sing along with the record and think deep thoughts like, “what does he mean by his hands swelled up like two balloons? did they float, like with helium?” and “who is vera lynn?” and “what machine?” things like that. The cover for The Wall especially, ‘cos it had cartoons on it! hammers! and airplanes! and naked people?

i remember thinking that i knew the lyrics meant things, actual things, and that lots of them seemed to be social commentary. and it was the first time i had thought about that kind of thing before. like, hey…he’s calling politicians pigs! can he do that?!
that sort of thing.

The Wall was my favorite album for a long time. i still love it. i love every song. i know that most of the songs will never get radio play, and shouldn’t, but i still love them. but, would i love them if i had never heard all of them? no.
i would say that, if you’ve never heard the whole album, you probably wouldn’t like most of the songs. they would make no sense. i mean, The Trial? would suck without Hey You and Run Like Hell.

see, the problem with Pink Floyd is that you have to invest time into them. if you’re not willing to do that, then you’re screwed. you can go back to listening to the radio. but if you’re willing to invest some time, then the awesomeness of The Wall, and Pink Floyd in general, will blow you away.

The Wall (the album) is great, but it would probably help to see The Wall (the movie). it’s not the greatest movie, okay? but i’m sure you sat through one or three of the Lord of the Rings movies, m’kay? so don’t be all, “eh, but it’s too long.” because, yes, it is long, and it gets boring in parts (like every scene with Frodo), but just watch it. it makes the album easier to listen to, ‘cos it’s like, “oh yeah, and here’s the part where…”

so okay, you don’t have time to listen to albums and watch movies. fine. then might i suggest getting one of their live albums? The Delicate Sound of Thunder or Pulse, both are fabulous. you can even get them on video. they’re like greatest hits albums, only live. and they sound great. because if there’s one thing those guys are into it’s sound. i think they must be technology junkies, you know? because even back in the ’70s their albums sounded great. and it was like, not only were they into recording themselves but…what else could they record? hey! here’s a car! and here’s a pig! ha! alarm clocks! let’s put them on the album. okay! but in STEREO! this is going to FREAK OUT SOME GIRL WHO’S LISTENING TO THIS ALL BY HERSELF WITH THE HEADPHONES ON! HA HA!

or it’s going to freak out some adult woman who was listening to One of These Days while she was all alone in her scary haunted house and she forgot to turn the volume down and when the voice came on she screamed and clutched her chest and said, “damn, justin would be laughing his ass off if he saw that.”

and the band isn’t just musical. they are artists as well. their album covers, videos, and concerts attest to that. their live shows are amazing: lasers, video screens, lights, explosions, giant pigs…it’s grand! no kidding, the show i saw back in ’95 is STILL imbedded into my brain. i mean, at one point, this giant disco ball comes out of the middle of the arena (not the stage. this thing was in the middle of the crowd.) and it…opens up…and there’s a bazillion pin-points of light all over the crowd…and then? and THEN? the things starts to barely spin. so these pinpricks of light start moving slightly…and it’s like…everyone’s stomach had the same reaction, “oh god, am i moving? is that me?!” incredible.

amazing lyrics, amazing sound, amazing music, amazing live shows. what more could you ask for?

of course, maybe i was predisposed to like Pink Floyd. dad (who was in to airbrush at the time) painted my “nursery” to look like the cover of the Dark Side album. black walls.
in the baby’s room.
completely normal.

here’s ten (9) songs you need (that you probably won’t hear on the radio):

10. One of These Days from Meddle but get the live version from The Delicate Sound of Thunder because it rocks.

9. Pigs (Three Different Ones) from Animals

8. Shine on You Crazy Diamond from Wish You Were Here

7. High Hopes from The Division Bell

6. there is no number 6

5. Run Like Hell from The Wall

4. Time from Dark Side of the Moon

3. Eclipse from Dark Side of the Moon

2. Sorrow from A Momentary Lack or Reason but get the live version from Pulse. it’s awesome.

1. Learning to Fly from A Momentary Lapse of Reason

next epitomb: stem cell research

jaimie “by the way, which one’s Pink?” pickle

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6.20.05

Category: dribblings

yesterday mr. fleegan and i bought a new weedwacker. the whole time we were outside working on the weedwacker and then finally, weedwacking, we wondered at our amazing luck of not being visited by Crazy Margaret. it was truly a blessed day. for us.

when i talked to dad that evening he said, “guess who visited Best today?”
“i dunno, who?”
“guess.”
“um, the whore that didn’t pay me for painting her porch?” she lives down the street from Best’s new house.
“no. Crazy Margaret.”
“what?! NO!”
“yeah.”
“NO! i don’t believe you! you are lying to me!”
“i’m not lying. Best was pissed.”
“oh my gosh. how did margaret get there?”
“she rode her bike.”
“NO!”
“yes.”
“NO!”
“if i’m lyin’ i’m dyin.”
“but that’s…”
“i know.”
“i mean, it would take me 15 minutes to get to Best’s house from here, in my jeep.”
“i know.”
“but how-”
“i don’t know.”
“-did she-”
“i don’t know. Best doesn’t know either.”
“-know where Best lives?!”
“don’t. know.”
“that’s impossible! how did she find out?!”
“we were wondering if maybe you had told-”
“never! i would NEVER!”
“yeah, we pretty much thought that.”
“dad, that is CRAZY. HOW DID SHE FIND HER?!”
“it has blown everyone’s mind. including yours.”
“Best isn’t in the phone book.”
“true.”
“she didn’t ask her? like, “JESUS IN GOD, MARGARET, HOW DID YOU FIND ME?!” ‘cos that would have been my first reaction.”
“yeah, i dunno. Best was really pissed. she kept saying, “i spent $100,000 just to get away from her!” over and over.”
“ew. i thought she was just Crazy, but now i’m thinking she’s Scary Crazy.”
“yeah, that’s not normal.”
“i haven’t seen her in days. maybe it took her that long to get over there. hee.”
“heh.”
“OH MY GOD. I HAVE TO CALL JIMMY.”

jimmy’s reaction: “you are KIDDING me! how?!”
“on her bike.”
“no!”
“yep.”
“how did she find her?!”

those same questions were repeated many time yesterday.

FEAR MARGARET.

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6.19.05

Category: dribblings

well, after having the Worst Day in a Long Time Ever i just had the Best Weekend in a Long Time Ever. how cool is that?!
thursday night i saw Batman Begins. very awesome. except for that one part.
friday night i went with some peeps and saw Loretta Lynn at City Stages. can ya believe it? i got ta har Loretta damn Lynn sang her sawngs. she’s the cutest thang. jimmy was on a mission to get us as close to the stage as possible so’s i could see her. ‘cos i’m only 4 feet tall, and i couldn’t see her ‘cos we’re all bunched up together and i swear every time we’d get closer i’d be stuck behind some 9ft. tall cowboy. WITH HAT. but jimmy wormed us up there and i got to see Loretta with mah own eye balls. a special day, indeed.
candide.
voltaire.
saturday night i went with some other peeps to watch a Birmingham Barons game. SO. MUCH. FUN. i hadn’t been to a ball game since i was a kid. and minor league baseball is so fun to watch ‘cos all the players slide and dive for the ball. and the pitchers throw really good pitches and then all of a sudden they’ll throw one into the bleachers. ha! on the way down i told my friends, “i’m gonna eat a hot dog, a giant pretzel, peanuts, and drink as many beers as i can. and? i’m not leaving the ballpark until i eat ice cream out of a tiny helmet, by god!”*
well, i didn’t have a pretzel. but i got my tiny helmet of ice cream!
it was a perfect night for baseball, we had great seats (for only $8, how can you beat that?), and the Barons won. there was a dude three rows down from us who got beaned right on the forehead by a foul ball. i mean, when he turned around you could see the stitch marks from the baseball. ouch! three guys with walkie-talkies made him go see the “doctor”. he came back later with an ice pack and probably some coupons or something. i said to jimmy, “you know, if laura and kris were here with us, that would have been kris.” and he said, “you’re probably right.” because kris is our resident Massive Head Wound Harry.

*kelly and i reminisced about how when we were kids our parents would take us to the ball games but we never got to eat ice cream out of a tiny helmet. we got a hotdog and had to share a coke with our siblings. meanwhile our parents drank a ton of beer. go figure.
mom was all, “oh woe is you, we were such horrible parents. well, when you have kids you can buy them ice cream heltmets.” i said, “oh hell no i won’t. i didn’t get ice cream helmets when i was a kid. they can wait till they can buy their own. or wait, that’ll be your job, grandma.”
“me?!”
“yeah, buying stupid crap for my kids is your job, it’s my job to be all, “mo-om! quit buying crap for my kids! you’re spoiling them!””
“oh yeah.”

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The One About the Valley of the Paint Monkey

Category: weekleez

The One About The Valley of the Paint Monkey
June 17, 2005

hi kids,

i am sorry that i’ve been whining about work so much lately. today will be no different, because today…was officially The Worst Day I’ve Had in a Very, Very Long Time Ever.

i should’ve known it was going to be a weird day when i turned on the tv at 6:45 in the morning and AMC wasn’t showing a war or cowboy movie. it was a regular movie, and i was all, “who is that chick? i’ve seen this. who the hell is she? oh. oh, that’s…melissa gilbert! yeah.” so i watch and watch and i’m all, “what is this movie? i know i’ve- where is susan hayward? i know she’s in this. WHAT is this?”

so i go and have my second crap of the day. (oh, was that too much? deal.) and i’m thinking, “wait. no, that can’t be melissa gilbert. she would’ve been like, 10 when that movie came out. gaaah, what movie is that?!” i’m actually sitting on the toilet and thinking about this movie.
a bit later:
“okay. toonces, who is that other girl? she’s someone… she’s dead! oh! oh! i know who she is! that’s… sharon… tate! oh! that means that “melissa gilbert” is….is…grrrrrrrr… patty duke! oh my god, it’s taken me 30 minutes to figure out i’m watching Valley of the Dolls?!”
and honestly, AMC, that is NOT a morning movie, okay? afternoon movie? fine. “midday matinee”? okay. evening? perfect. morning? 6:45 in the morning?! no, no, no!

anyway, starting out the day with Valley of the Dolls is like, a sure sign that you’re day is screwed.
on with my bad day:

it would take 6 years for me to type out the whole story. so i’ll sum up.
last year dad and i painted a house for a lady (from church). she wanted to add on her porch when we were done. the price we quoted did not include the porch (because she had not specified that she wanted the porch done at the beginning because if she had WE WOULD HAVE PRESSURE-WASHED IT WHEN WE DID THE HOUSE). the porch needed to be pressure-washed, and the wrought iron railings needed to be spray painted.
we finish the house, and the next day we were to start the porch job.
but.
i got sick the night before and called dad at 6am to tell him i wouldn’t be coming in to work and PS, i’m in the hospital and they’re gonna take my gall bladder out, could you call jimmy?
so.
dad talks to the lady and says that hey, jaimie’s in the hospital. it seems we won’t be able to get to your porch this week. we’ll have to do it another time. meanwhile, here’s the total for the house.
she says that that’s fine. no hurry on the porch as no one uses that porch anyway.

fastforward to a week ago.
the lady wants her porch done because she has a friend coming from ohio and she want’s the place to look good.
fine.
oh, and could you add on the giant sidewalk too?
fine.

fastforward to yesterday.
i spend two hours pressure-washing IN THE HOT SUN. AND YOU WILL REMEMBER, THIS WAS THE DAY THAT I GOT SICK BECAUSE IT WAS SO HOT THAT NOT EVEN DRINKING WATER HELPED. then i go to kmart and the paint store for spray paint and porch paint.
paint total: $48.50

today.
i spend two hours spray painting. my finger is still numb.
and one hour painting the porch and steps.
labor total: $80 ($40 for the washing and $40 for the painting.)

so i take the paint reciepts to her and ask if she’s paying for the job or her father (who paid for the house painting job. because the lady is a sloth who doesn’t work. and all she does is watch tv all day with her fucking dog.) and SHE says, “oh, we’ve already paid for it.”
“what?”
“last year. remember? you painted my house?”
“yeah but-”
“you were supposed to do the porch but you got sick. your dad was supposed to do it. but he never did. but we paid him already.”
“i don’t think-”
“yes, you said you’d paint the porch too.”
“but that was separate.”
“no it wasn’t! and he already got paid for it! you need to talk to your dad about it and get HIM to pay you!”

so i think, okay. maybe dad did take the money…but we’ve never done that before, take money for a job we haven’t done yet. huh. well, regardless of the labor, i need money for the paint.

“um, okay. but i need $48.50 for the paint.”
“no! he’s already been paid for the supplies!”
“what?”
“we’ve paid him for the paint already!”
“but i just bought the paint yesterday.”
“well, we paid for it last year.”

now i know that’s wrong. we NEVER charge for materials we HAVEN’T bought yet. that is RIDICULOUS.

but what the hell am i going to do? stand there and fight with this old bitch? on one hand, HELL YES. and on the other hand, she goes to the same church i do, and if i start calling her a liar or whatnot, that kind of puts mom in a weird position, even though i’m sure mom wouldn’t care. still, it’s weird. because, i go to church with her. why is she trying to rip me off? and SHE’S acting like i’m trying to rip HER off. i mean, FOR FUCK’S SAKE! SHE JUST ADDED THE GIANT SIDEWALK LAST WEEK! I KNOW FOR DAMN SURE THAT WASN’T INCLUDED IN THE PRICE OF HER GODDAMNED HOUSE.

so i just leave. and on the way to pick up dad for lunch, he calls. and i tell him what happened and he loses it, because hello? no, the porch wasn’t included with the rest of the house. and? of course he didn’t charge them for materials THAT DIDN’T EXIST UNTIL YESTERDAY.
but he says he’ll go talk to the dad this afternoon, because the dad is a reasonable guy.

so this afternoon i’m working at a different job (another 10 hour day) and dad comes over to the job and he says that he talked to the guy and the guy was all, “well, my daughter said…” and dad said, “well yeah, but she’s wrong. the porch wasn’t included. she added that later.” and the guy is all, “but, my daughter said…” and dad is all, “look. fine. but jaime is out $50.00 on the paint for the job, and plus she spent two hours pressure-washing the porch AND sidewalk. can you do something?”
and the guy says, “yeah, i’ll get you some money.”
and dad’s all, “thank you.” and thinks, whew, i knew he was a reasonable guy.
that old fucker comes out and gives dad fifty bucks.

so, i work my ass off in the heat for 5 hours and i get paid $50. my Art Math tells me that that’s $10 an hour. that’s not so bad. but my Art Math is wrong. because the paint was $48.50.
so for 5 hours work i got paid $1.50. which is 30 cents an hour.
30.
fucking.
cents.

“um, excuse me?”
“yes?”
“WHEN DID I GET TO RUSSIA?!”

the seething anger comes and goes. dad has been taking it pretty hard. i think he feels responsible somehow. it’s not his fault that they’re a bunch of assholes though. i’m still shocked and awed that i know this person, these people. i go to church with them. i see them once a week. i smile and give the mom (whom i do not hold responsible, as she is a feeble old lady who is so sweet) a hug. but the father and the daughter? dead to me. she wanted me to paint a ceiling and a bathroom “when you have time”. she’ll not be getting any more of my time.

i mean, i guess i’m pretty lucky as this is the first time i’ve been ripped off. but to be ripped off by people i know? people i know from church? it is a terrible feeling. and it’s not that i think that people who go to church are more honest and more good or whatnot, it’s just… i mean, it takes balls to rip off someone you see once a week at the place you go to WORSHIP THE LORD, is all.

oh, and dumping a gallon of paint on the lady’s porch does seem to be the gut reaction that everyone’s had, but i’m trying to calm my anger down and not give in to the Dark Side. besides, this kind revenge should be subtle and untraceable. i’m praying for a plague of ants to invade her kitchen.
hee. i’m kidding.

other movies you should not watch first thing in the morning:
Mommie Dearest
any of the Poltergeist movies
Sybil, obviously

movies you can start the day with:
Blazing Saddles
just about anything with Debbie Reynolds
Mame, obviously

next epitomb: jaimie finally snaps. took long enough.

jaimie “damn valley of the dolls, man. it just figures.” pickle

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6.14.05

Category: dribblings

i had a dentist appointment at 8am. wow. what an AWESOME way to start the day.
actually, it was the BEST dental exam i’ve ever had. i hardly bled. what’s up with that? even the lady seemed surprised. “well jaimie, i guess…i guess we’re done?”
“that was only 15 minutes.”
“i…i know. you’re teeth were great. i wish everyone’s teeth were as easy as yours.”
“can i ask you a question?”
“sure.”
“is this a dream?”
turns out, it was not a dream. my teeth rawk hard. who knew?

and mom, i even had Coal Miner’s Daughter. and still i didn’t bleed like a stuck hog, like i usually do.
what the-? today i am charmed.

look ma! no cavities!

***

the rest of the day sucked. 10 hours of painting. someone kill me. my shins are so hurting and full of hurt. why? why, you blasted shins?! leemee alone! laura invited me over to watch some stupid television program starring britney spears and some dude, but no! my BODY hurts. so all i can do is take advil and drink whiskey. stoopid body.

i mean, granted, i was going to bring the Jack with me to LBC’s house. but still. i don’t NEED shin pain.
SHIN PAIN! coming soon to a reefer log near you.

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6.12.05

Category: dribblings

it has been a margaret-filled weekend. Crazy Margaret has been by twice to ruin my day(s). oy.

she screams my name. it sounds like she’s on fire or something. so embarrassing. i need a webcam i can put on the driveway.

she says that “the blacks” have been eyeing my grill. well, okay. it’s not even mine. but, if they want it they’ll have to work for it. she told me i should chain it to the deck.
“margaret, if they can cut through the lock or fence, then they’re gonna be able to cut through a chain or the lock i put on it.”

“well, i noticed that your basement window was cracked open and it wasn’t like that yesterday because i came by here yesterday and it wasn’t open.”
“what?!” and then she starts to move my garbage can to the side of the house where the window is. “hey! what are you doing?! stop!”
“shh! shh! *whispering* they still might be in there. come on! we’ll use this to-”
“margaret! no! we won’t! there isn’t anyone in my storage room. what are you…what does that even mean*?”
“but the window-”
“it’s probably a cat. i’ve been hearing a cat in there for-”
“no! cat’s can’t open a window! shh! shh!”

so i go to the storage room and of course no one is in there and i try to close the window but i can’t because i’m too short and anyway i figure i’ll just get jimmy to close it when he comes over.

*the part i cannot describe is when she’s whispering to me about “the blacks” being in my storage room she was doing these weird, almost-military hand signals. so crazy.

then she starts pointing to the neighbor’s house (not Crazy Lola, but the other side) and whispering things i have no idea what they mean.
“what?! what are you doing?”
“pssh! pssh! *pointing at the house behind her hand, like she’s being sneaky* pssh pssh!” more gibbered whispering.
“i don’t see anyone, marg-”
“22! 22! *and starts making gun noises* them!”
“look, there’s no one over there right now, okay?”
“can they get in your house from the basement?”
“no. no they can’t. there’s no access at all. so don’t even think ab-”
“hey! hey! the window is still open! i thought you-”
“yes, i know. i couldn’t reach it, but i’ll have my boyfriend close it when he gets here.”
“when are you getting married?”
“huh? i don’t know. soon.”
“are you going to live here when you get married?”
“ye-es. now i gotta-”
“i was thinkin’ the other day that it’s gonna be hard when you have kids because of these steps and all.”
“what?”
“i mean these steps here. it’s gonna be hard-”
“uh. yeah? look, i gotta go.”

don’t you wish you were me? i do.

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6.09.05

Category: dribblings

first thing this morning i’m eating a bowl of cheerios and watching tv when all a sudden i hear my name being screamed. what the? *sigh* gaad. Crazy Margaret. maybe she’ll just go away.

but she didn’t. in fact, she started banging on something and screaming my name some more. later in the day i noticed that my garbage can had been turned around. grr. don’t touch my things!

sheez. what a way to start out the day. she needed money for “cat food”. oh shut up. if you needed money for cat food i’d give it to you. don’t even ask, FA. hee.

anyway then she proceeded to tell me that Crazy Lola keeps running over the corner of my driveway and is going to break it. she said she told Lola that her new neighbor (me) won’t like her breaking the driveway like that. then she said that Lola said that everyone (including Margaret) are her new neighbors and we can all go to hell.

score one for Lola.

then she told me that the water pump in the jeep is about to go out.
good guess. everything in the jeep is about to go out.

then she started getting nosy about my business and i told her i had to go take a shit, and i walked back in the house.
i wish!
i told her that i had to go brush my teeth. but man, it would have been funnier the other way. hee.

***

i got to eat lunch today with popsicle and yimmy! i told them about My Morning with Margaret. i also confessed to them that she hadn’t been around for several days and i had secretly wished that she was dead, well, gone anyway. dad said, “i know a way to get her to go away.”
“oh yeah?”
“yeah, have jimmy print out some $20 bills on his computer.”
“HA!”
“just wear rubber gloves when you hand her the money. and when the police come to your door all you have to say is, “officer, i’ve never seen this woman before.” i mean, who’s he going to believe?”
jimmy said, “yeah, and to make it even easier i’ll put her face on it instead.”
“oh man. that’s good.”
“yeah. that’ll get rid of her for about 5 to 10 years.”
“heeeeee!”
dad’s all, “insane we trust.”
jimmy’s all, “we could put Crazy Bill on one too.”
“and Lola.”

later dad says, “i wonder how many Margaret Bucks this meal will cost?”
and that? is where i lost it.

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6.08.05

Category: dribblings

i stopped at pier 1 to see if they had anything cool for my new house. and they didn’t. because i didn’t want to pay $80 for this cool CD holder that was extremely, very, really poorly made. all of their furniture is shit. it looks cool. but it’s like it’s all been made by people who can’t measure things or screw in things or glue things. what is up with that? everything wobbles! and all the doors and drawers are too hard to open! and then they’re too hard to close! and on top of that it’s expensive!

Dear Pier 1 Imports,

Hello? It’s called craftsmanship.

Love,
Jaimie

i really don’t have a problem with spending money on things that at least seem like they’re going to last. case in point: my computer desk thing.

anyway, my tale is not actually of Pier 1. y’see, i’ve been thinking about getting my own D&D dice. because when we played before no one ever wanted me to touch their dice because my dice rolling is usually quite horrid. they say that i’m cursed. and so, i’ve been thinking about getting my own. but where?

i was going to get some (perv) while i was in TN last weekend because i figured it being a college town it would have a comic/game store type deal. but i never got a chance to go to the one i found in the phone book. but today, across from the pier 1, was this place called Kingdom Comics.
“huh,” i thought, “sounds like some kind of christian comic book or something.”
anyhoo, i got brave and walked in.
and at first i didn’t see any dice. but then on my way out i saw some by the register. it was just a random selection and i thought they would be expensive (for some reason) but no! they were cheap! i guess anyway. the 20-sided one was .55 and the others were a quarter each.

so i picked some out but was all, “well, hells bells. i don’t even know if these are right.” so i asked the dude/dudette (i couldn’t tell) if those were the proper ones for D&D or what and he/she said, “i don’t know. i’m the comic person. i don’t know D&D.” and i’m thinking, “well, thanks for nothing, pat.” but then there was this geek standing close by and i said, “hey, do you know about dice?” and he did. and so now i have dice!

i know. i know. this has been so lame hasn’t it? i should’ve just posted a pic of the cat, or no! i NEED to take a picture of that goddamned fish “pond”.

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6.07.05

Category: dribblings

this evening friends came over to my house. we ate food. liznchris brought over a tiny kitty. it was a trial run to see if Toonces Whorecat would kill and eat the kitty. Toonces hissed and hid from the kitty. she then spent the rest of the night in the closet. liz checked on her a couple of times and toonces hissed and made that deep growling sound at her. i’ve never known toonce to hiss and growl at a human (west isn’t human).

toonces still isn’t speaking to me. and i just caught her scratching at my bass amp. NO! BAD! when i yelled at her to stop she gave me the paw. she’s really pissed that i let a kitty come in the house.

i want that kitten, but i don’t think toonce is going to be cool with it.

and she’s back in the closet now.

she’s never going to forgive me. she still hasn’t gotten over the move. she mopes around all day and she won’t go outside, not even just to look around like she used to do at the dreamplex.
poor, demented kitty.

***

i came home for lunch today and Superman II was just starting. man, it was really hard to go back to work after watching the beginning of that movie. it’s one of my favorite movies. isn’t that lame? and i forgot that marlon brando was superman’s dad.
wacky. especially when he gives his speech to the baby superman before he shoots him into outerspace in that giant christmas tree ornament, “I never wanted this for you. I work my whole life – I don’t apologize – to take care of my family, and I refused to be a fool, dancing on the string held by all those bigshots. I don’t apologize – that’s my life – but I thought that, that when it was your time, that you would be the one to hold the string. Senator Kal-el; Governor Kal-el. Well, it wasn’t enough time, Michael, i mean, Kal-el. It wasn’t enough time.”

because it’s ALWAYS about the Godfather.

***

i haven’t stopped reading books. i’m just stuck on this terry pratchett book called Going Postal, and it’s killing me. i can’t even explain why. i’m loving it, and it’s hilarious, but it’s taking me forever to read.

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6.06.05

Category: dribblings

so i worked forever, right? so i said to myself, “self, you deserve a break today.” so i gave myself the day off. so what did i do on my day off? well, it all started at 7:45am.
mowed the lawn
cleaned out the fish pond
went to the bank
went to the store (postage stamps! arghh!)
washed the jeep
washed dishes (i bought new glasses! i’m a grown up!)
swept (vacuumed) the floors
murphy’s oil soaped the hardwood floors
spicked AND spanned the vinyl and ceramic floors
payed bills (math!)

it was a bright, hot, sunny, humid, hot, sunny day today. and i sweated greatly while doing my outdoor chores, especially the cleaning of the fish pond. oh, have i not mentioned the fish pond before? well, the house i bought has a fish pond.
“pond”.
it’s basically an old bathtub that’s been covered in that rubber landscaping stuff and buried in the yard. tres redneck. it might not be so bad if it didn’t look EXACTLY like someone buried a tub in the yard. i gotta get some big rocks around it or something. anyway, i lovingly refer to it as “that goddamn fish pond” and “those goddamn goldfish.” there’s 8 or 9 fish.

so i cleaned it out because the water was blackeen. the smell got worse the more i pumped the water out. yeesh. (i actually went to the bank after cleaning it out and it wasn’t till i got back in the car that i noticed my legs were covered in pond scum. hi. i’m a dorkus malorkus.) anyway, clean water now. we’ll see how long that lasts. i think i should buy some of those aquarium snail things. like, 10 of them.

did i mention the sun and the hotness? did i mention that i washed the jeep? because it was so sunny and hot. did i mention that 3 hours later a CLOUD OF DOOM came over the city and poured out it’s guts on my city and MY FRESHLY WASHED JEEP?! does it have to happen EVERYFUCKINGTIME?
“it done come up a gully-warsher.”

i didn’t know it was supposed to rain today. nobody cleared the thundershower with me, Lord. (i don’t actually expect God to tell me when it’s going to rain. i just thought that sentence would be funny.)

BUT NO KIDDING! every time i wash my jeep. EVERY TIME! even laura was all, “wow, that happens every time.”
“i know. i should take this gig out on the road.”
“yeah, to the drought areas.”
“for real. i could be famous.”

I AM GOING TO END WORLD HUNGER WITH MY AMAZING JEEP WASHING ABILITIES AND SEETHING HATRED OF CAR WASH IRONY.

but there was a small miracle in all this. i was outside for 5 hours and not once did Crazy Margaret come by. i am truly blessed.

however, Crazy Lola was out cruising the streets. not even the thundershower could slow her down. yep, just out driving in a vacant haze that would probably scare the rest of us. just another day in the ‘hood.

***

the TN trip went well. li’l hoostin’s house is very nice and now newly painted. well, most of it anyway. we’re painters, not miracle workers.
on saturday night we ate at this AWESOME mexican restaurant called Fiesta Alcapulco. maybe i spelled that right? GREAT margaritas!
i enjoyed four or five and then promptly did not want to do anything else. including move or breathe. but then i got my second wind and called liz. this was around 11:30pm.
sorry liz.
i had forgotten what we talked about but she didn’t!

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