the one about the pope and basketball

Category: weekleez


tuesday, november 28, 2000

well kids i hope your holiday was as cool as mine.
on friday i was a bit sick and so i sat in the big comfy chair and watched Junkyard Wars on TLC all night long. it was awesome. a bit cheesey and overdramatic sure, but its still a cool show. well, the eight (8) hours of it that i saw were pretty cool.
um anyway, i don’t have any sort of funny list this week. and well, i don’t have a parafable either. in fact i have nothing for you guys. i am a vacuum at the moment. and we all know that nature abhors a vacuum. what am i saying?

so sunday night i’m watching CNN or C-SPAN or some other “newsish” type channel and i see a little blurb and i think this is how i heard it, “and there’s still no blah blah blah florida blah bush blah blah vice president words words blah new york words things pope john blah honor blah no other pope blah blahddy words pope yadda memeber of the harlem globetrotters blahddy yadda words news….”
and of course anytime anyone says the words, ‘harlem globetrotters’ it doesn’t matter what you are doing you automatically tune in. why? because they might show a clip of the ‘trotters doing cool tricks! hello? like i’m the only one.
so anyway now i’m paying attention and the deal is that they are making the pope an honorary member of the harlem globetrotters. (ok, i’m not making this up so don’t give me that look.) and you would think that i would burst into maniacal laughter after hearing that but i don’t. i calmly looked at my mom and dad and said, “did they really just say that?”
and mom said something like, “why are they going to do that?”
and dad seemed pretty bored with the whole thing.
now my brother, who was not in the room whilst all this took place, comes walking in and i say, “justin, did you hear that?”
and he says, “hear what?”
and my father says, “they’re making the pope…” and at that moment he burst into maniacal laughter. and justin is confused so i try to clear up the confusion by telling him that, “the pope is going to be…” and so i of course, burst into maniacal laughter.
which leaves my mom and she calmly relays to my brother what we saw on the news to which he replies, “why are they going to do that?”

i wish i could tell you guys why they are honoring the pope with such a thing. i must not have been paying attention. but you know what? as cruel as this sounds, i wouldn’t want the pope on my basketball team. let’s face it, he’s no good. i mean, he hasn’t played a game of b-ball in years. he’s weak. not that i blame him or anything. da popa is a busy guy. and where would he play?
i seriously doubt that the tour goes like this, “and there’s st peter’s bascilica, and over there we have the piazza, and directly in front of you is… hey! itsa da popa shootin’ some hoops with some of his personal guard! hey, alright popa!” not in a million.

and so i guess here’s where i could make a list of people that i would or would not want on my basketball team and why, but i’m not. i’m tired of doing all the work here. so your homework this week is to send me an email with who you would or wouldn’t want on your team and i’ll put them in next week’s email.
you guys better send me something or else i’ll sever your uninteractive email addy from this silly list and then you’ll have to ask one your buddies to forward any future weekly emails to you and the worst part will be that they’ll know why they’re having to forward these silly notes to you.
oh the shame. oh the shame. of course, i can be bought. so keep that in mind. : ) BAH-hahahahaha. and justin, i’m expecting something funny from you.

have a good week ok?

jaimie “oh the shame” pickle

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the one about muthas

Category: weekleez

tuesday, november 14, 2000

wow, its tuesday already. but you know what? i like thursdays. and i’m going to tell you why i like thursdays.

on thursdays i can go and buy the new buy/sell bulletin. perhaps there is one or two of you who do not know what the buy/sell bulletin is? i’ll tell you. its a local ad thingy. you can sell anything you own and your ad is free.

and true i do look thru the ads (usually just the electronics section) but the best parts of the BSB are the personals, lost and found, and opinions. i mean, where else can you read something like, “to the lady who talked to me at the gas station and told me she liked my truck and camo boots, i forgot your number. please leave an ad for me in next weeks issue. bear.”

here is one that was in the opinions section in last weeks issue, “person who left skidder in ohatchee on my property, i need you to pick it up. i gave you free lumber and you have not bothered to contact me at all. if not picked up i will be forced to have it removed myself. call and let us know something….” um, that was an opinion?

and there was one in the personals that cracked me up. it was some lady wanting to meet a good man and she described herself as “still considered attractive and christian…”

but my favorite one from this week was in the lost and found section. “BRING BACK MY CAT!!! On hallowe’en night a woman took my black and white Sylvester cat from my home. She was not a stray! She was mine and I would like to have her back. I know you live nearby, else why would you come trick or treating three times to my home? Bring back my cat!…”

hoo, what great local fun! and that’s why i like thursdays.

in the last email i sent i mentioned a list of mothers. this list tells us that muthers are important and that we can really learn a lot from a mutha.

10. muther earth. mother earth teaches us new things every day. things like, “don’t build on a major fault line.” but the thing is, you gotta listen to mother earth. or she’ll kill you.

9. mama cass. you know, there’s a sick joke just dying to be said here. but i’ll be good. yeah right. anyway, mama is california dreaming way up there in that far-out stage in the sky. and she might be chowin’ on some chicken and rootbeer too, i have no idea. i’m a sick ticket aren’t i? lesson learned? take small bites. (will i be doomed for all eternity for taking such cheap shots all for a measley laugh? ha. i haven’t even gotten to helen keller yet.)

8. helen keller. NO! no no no. wait. stop. helen keller is not on this list.

8. angie dickinson. before she was police woman and after she was jfk’s girltoy she was “big, bad mama”. the touching story of a mother and her turn to a life of crime so that her children wouldn’t have to live the life of poverty that she’s had to live. lesson learned? when asked if you want to be the star of a tv show about a police woman know this, your show will be cancelled and another show will be put in its place and it will be about three police women.

7. mother shipton. i dunno. some psychic broad who lived in england about 500 years ago. her prophecies read kinda like nursery rhymes. but i don’t think she died in any sort of horrible way so i don’t know what the lesson is. anyway, its an interesting read. http://www.mothershipton.co.uk/mother.htm of course, i have no idea if any of this is true or not. so i guess maybe the lesson could be, “don’t believe anything you read on the internet. LIES! its all lies!!” or something like that.

6. in keeping with tradition blah blah blah other blah everybody knows that blah blah blah and there is no #6. like i would forget?

5. ma barker. the “ozark crime matriarch”. its a sick world you guys. the movie was a comedy right?

4. mother teresa of calcutta. a great, kind and selfless soul. and unfortunately when you are as great and selfless as she it opens the door for idiots to come out of the woodwork brandishing their mtoc shaped donuts. sheesh.

3. mom. as in, my mom. she’s pretty cool. but she’s not as cool as shaft.

2. shaft. he was the baddest mutha. who’s the black private dick that’s the sexmachine with all the chicks? shaft. can you dig it? shaft was the man. john shaft. now shutchyo mouth.

1. mother goose. love the goose.

and well, that’s it. if i had to say one thing about all of this it would probably go something like this, there is a watch night this friday night at the vineyard (gadsden, broad st) and so if you feel led to go to that then go to it. michael “with kungfu grip” bynum sent out an email telling all about the watch night and what to do to prepare for it and all sorts of other important informative stuffs. if you did not get that email and you need that email then let him know. his email addy might be GreeneStreet@peoplepc.com but i’m not really sure about that, he changes his email every couple of months. i think he’s hiding from someone.

keep it real.

jaimie “else why would you come trick or treating three times to my home?” pickle

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the one about the hospital

Category: weekleez

tuesday, november 7, 2000

hi kidos,

so anyway i had this letter all typed and it was pretty good. it started out with something about voting and politics and then it went to founding fathers and then a pretty wacky list of founding mothers. there were 10 of them of course, and yes, there was no number 6.

but then i realized that i had a list in last week’s letter and so maybe i should make this letter into one of my parafables. or maybe i’ll tell you the parafable and then give you the list of muthas at the end. who knows?

true story.

i was at the hospital earlier today and so there i was at the hospital. the hospital is a crazy place filled with nervous people including me. so i sat in the waiting room. i was waiting. and then got tired of waiting so i decided to leave.

i stood by the elevator patiently waiting for it to arrive. i would have taken the stairs but i couldn’t find them. where are the stairs anyway?

so there is a lady standing next to me and she looks really nervous and upset and so i smile at her because what else am i supposed to do? she looks away and she says to me (i think she was talking to me. i was the only person there so i just assume (uh oh) she was talking to me) so she says to me, “this is a real bad place.”

i did a mental gasp.

that’s all she said. and the weird thing is she didn’t look at me when she said it, but like i said before i was the only one there so i just figure she was talking to me. and man this elevator is really taking a long time.
and so i, being me, feel the need to respond to the lady who may or may not be talking to herself. so i say, “you mean this floor inparticular or hospitals in general?”

i was trying to take the edge off of the situation. but then she didn’t respond so i thought to myself, “great james, you just upset the upset lady even more!” good one, moron.

ding.

the elevator door opened and we got on, and of course we’re still alone. and the tension is coming off of her in waves that could probably be detected by a richter scale or a gieger counter or some other measuring device. and thus commences the longest elevator ride ever.

then all of a sudden its calm and she says (to me?), “i guess it can be a good place or a bad place.”

ding.

elevator opens and, i swear, she disappeared. and of course there is no one else around for me to ask, “what does that mean?” or “did i miss something?” or “was she talking to me?” or more importantly, “did that really happen?”

ok, i’ll admit that my list of muthers was tons funnier than that story. however, the important thing is that the story has a lesson to it. its a common lesson and was first written about in 1734 in a book called the book of very nearly certain truths.

um well, that’s a lie. but the lesson here is this: if something odd is going to happen to you then you will most likely be alone. and it will more than likely be on an elevator. so keep that in mind.

last friday’s concert was very cool and all of those who attended now have their very own dog named david story. the opening act was liz “its just liz”, amanda “copper cookie cutters” akins and tiffany “witha banjo on my knee” holliday and they did a great job too. and dog named daivd was very cool and funny and so was herb. huh?

and so my friends that’s the weekly email for the week of november 7, 2000.

yours truly,

jaimie “i’ve always been a fan of farmer benign” pickle

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the one about halloween

Category: weekleez

october 31, 2001

hi kiddos,

happy halloween!  i really like halloween.  its pretty cool.  some people do not like halloween.  they think its evil.  well, historically i suppose it might be evil, lord satan’s holiday or something, but in today’s post modern world i can’t see how this day could be considered any more evil than any other holiday.  i mean, kids running around in vinyl jumpsuits that are coloured like their favorite cartoon, this is evil?   “trick or treat!”, that’s evil? (they probably don’t even know any tricks!)  carving the innards out of vegetables, evil?

dear friends, these things are not evil.  these things are perfectly harmless, just like witches, vampires,  mummies, beasts, and the living dead… all harmless*.

let’s talk evil.

10. arbour day.  oh sure, it sounds nice.  but if you get right down to it, its tree worship.  evil.

9. waitangi day.  this is a new zealand holiday so it may not seem as evil to us.  but this is the day that is celebrated in remembrance of the treaty of waitangi which was signed february 6, 1840.  this was the day that the maori tribes accepted victoria as their sovereign and in return they became citizens of the british empire.  yeah right.  this treaty was never ratified by new zealand parliament.  you know what that makes this holiday?  a lie.  evil.

8. st patrick’s day.  its not the drinking that’s evil.  its not the wearin’ o’ the green that’s evil.  and its not even the pinching that’s involved when someone isn’t wearing green that’s evil, (although its very annoying and why it got started i have no idea).  its that all the beer companies all of a sudden think they can be irish too.  sorry, budweiser, heineken, and corona… you’re not irish!  bring out the guiness!  well, there’s that and the whole “st patrick” thing.  i mean what was he?  a monk?  uh, wasn’t he kidnapped and sold into slavery or something?  what are we celebrating here?  confusion. evil.

7. any solstice, equinox, comet, eclipse and other nature event.  evil.  supposedly  on one of those solstice days they say you can stand an egg up on its small end and that it will balance like that.  i don’t know if that’s true or not.  i’ve never tried it.  you know why?  evil.

6.  there is no, nor has there ever been, a number six (6).  6 is evil.

5.  squid day.  this is a holiday started by a group of wacky zany people.  they ought not be in charge of making holidays.  its celebrated on the ides of october.  and no one is exactly sure what the day is celebrating.  it doesn’t matter.  its evil.

4.  president’s day.  this holiday is evil.  they select two lucky shemps who were presidents.  they put their heads on coins.  and then they encourage we the people to spend our coins on sales at shopping malls and other such places.  do you realize how evil that is?

3.  halloween.  hey, this day is evil!  i mean, there’s kids running around in vinyl cartoon suits!  they’re begging for candy and yelling horrible things like, “trick or treat!” or “gimmie candy!” or “I’ll swallow your soul!”  and people carve scary demon faces in pumpkins.  there’s bats, goblins, witches, vampires and other evil, nasty beings and people are celebrating this day!  how dare they take this evil day of darkness so lightly!  **sigh** evil.

2.  st. valentine’s day or christmas?  i couldn’t decide.  they both seemed pretty funny to put as being more evil than halloween.  so you pick.

1.  leap year.  **scream of horror**

an evil list indeed.

the really important thing to remeber about evil is this:
@^$# QFS EA RE U^^* M  REYRTB #N ^%
so keep that in mind.

anyway, this friday (november 3) at 7pm at vineyard gadsden we are having the last of the concert series events.  there are two bands playing, the opening band is liz “its just liz”,  amanda “miss jackson if you’re nasty” akins and tiffany “will there be butter served?” holiday.  and the main event is dog named david.  this should be a great concert.  so bring the fam.  we do ask for a $5 donation.  this money goes to pay the band, so don’t be stingy.

until next week…

jaimie “so that’s evil. huh.” pickle

* these creatures are perfectly harmless if you’ve seen the movies and you now how to kill them.  vamps get a stake thru the heart (wooden of course).  wolfman gets a silver bullet.  frankenstien’s monster, well, he’s human so just kill him!  zombies get a shotgun blast to the head, so have plenty of ammo. witches are a bit tricky. good luck with the witch thing.  mummies, you fool! why did you open the mummy’s crypt?  are you some kind of idiot?  apparently you are and thus deserve the curse that the mummy will put on you.   as for clowns, its simple, if you are unable to cut the clown in to tiny bits and mail them to separate parts of the world then i suggest this: when you kill the horrible beast, (by any means, they’re easier than hell to kill, its the keeping them dead that’s hard) try burying them face down.  that way when they try to dig themselves out of their graves they actually dig their grave deeper.  but you guys knew all that right?

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the one about the package

Category: weekleez


Liz “it’s just liz” made this gorgeous pic for me
i love it dahling.


tuesday, october 24, 2000

hi kids,

there will be no embarrassing story involving mr bentley this week. not that i don’t have one. i’m just not sharing it this week. but i do have a story for you.

my story is three (3) weeks old. and by that i don’t mean that i’ve been working on it for three (3) weeks, but that this happened three weeks ago. or maybe it was four (4). it is a true story.

i live in an apartment. well, “live” is such loose term. i stay at an apartment. its where most of my stuff is, except my computer which is at my parents house. this works out well tactically because i can go home after work to “check my email” (“check my email” is code for “wonder what mom’s cooking?”).

most of you know that laura “once swallowed a cheshire cat” bentley lives at this apartment as well. this is vital to the story by the way, i’m not rambling or anything. so one day i come home from work and there’s a note on the door. and the note has a message written on it telling me that there is a package at the office that would not fit in our mail box and would you please come get it?

so i took the note off the door and put it on the table so that laura “i actually use the apartment address” bentley would see the note. i do not use the apartment address as my mailing address therefore i knew that the package was not mine. and i was not sure what the protocol was for picking up a package. did they need ID? i don’t know! and it didn’t matter because it wasn’t my package.

next day.
laura saw the note. and she asked, “did you order something?” and i replied, “no. i thought you did.” and she said, “i’m pretty sure i didn’t order anything.” and that’s about as far as we got.

the next next day.
laura says, “i wonder what that package could be?” and i in all my wisdom, “i don’t know, it must be something big though if they couldn’t cram it in the mail box.”

i would like to point out something. i never check the mail. in fact, i don’t even know what the box number is. i’m assuming it would be the same number as our apartment, but i really have no idea. and you want to know why i don’t check the mail? because the box is too high. that’s right, i’m too short to check the mail. i would have to ask some poor shemp who came walking by if they could give me a “boost” so’s that i could reach the box. and that’s why i don’t check the mail. anyway.

the next next next day.
laura calls me at work and asks if i could pick up the package that’s waiting for us at the office because the office is always closed by the time that she gets home from work. and i say, “ok.” but when i hung up the phone i promptly forgot and did not go to the office and pick up our package and instead i went home to “check the email.”

mom had made soup. it was good. mm mm good.

the next next next next day.
but on THIS day i actually remembered. and the reason i remembered was because i felt pretty stupid for forgetting in the first place. but on the fifth (5th) day, i remembered. and so i pulled up into a parking place and started to walk to the office to retrieve our package and then i thought, “oh no. what if i need ID to pick up the package?” you see, they don’t know me, they know laura and if the package was for laura (which it HAD to be since i don’t use that address) and i try to get the package maybe they would have me arrested for trying to steal mail. so i panicked. for a second.

but i am a genius and quickly rebounded. i went to the apartment and got the note that had been taped to the door, which was of course still on the kitchen table where it had been placed four (4) days before. this was also perfect because this way i wouldn’t have to talk to anybody i could just walk into the office and show them the note! HA HA! the day is mine!

so i walk in the office and was immediately threatened by a dachsund. well, not threatened really, more like, it barked at me. but that’s ok because i’m cool with dogs. there was a lady and so i handed the lady the note that had been taped to the door asking us to please come to the office to pick up a package that was too big to fit in the mailbox. she read the note. she then started rooting through a box behind a desk and while she did this i thought to myself, “apparently no ID is necessary to get the mail.”

and she finally finds the package and she smiles and hands me a thin plastic box. i now had the package in my clutches and i looked down to see what was in my hand. i think i looked at the package for probably 10 seconds. i couldn’t believe my eyes. it was one of those annoying AOL CDs. you know, the ones that come in those annoying plastic cases? the ones with the “fast, yet soothing” graphics on the cover of the annoying plastic cases? yeah. you know what i’m talking about. so i look back up at the lady, my panic long forgotten, and i say in an unbelieving tone, “THIS was the package?” and she replied very politely, “yes.”

and i looked back down at the “package” and i wanted so very much to burst into maniacal laughter but instead i looked up at the lady and said, “i really HATE these things.” to which she replied, “me too.”

this is a very important story because it illustrates a point. and the point is very similar to one of those morals that that fable guy used to write. only its not one of HIS fables its more like a fable that his younger brother would have written. sort of like, “when life gives you lemons…throw them away as quickly as possible as a fox may attack you.”

what i mean by that is, sarah “elizabeth” finlayson and the gang will be playing at Big Apple Bagles (rainbow city) this saturday (oct 28) at seven o’ clock (7pm). i’m not sure if it will be all of even so playing or just liz and a few others. it all depends on how the weather is. if its nice out then the whole band will play outside (i think) and if its not nice out then liz and gang of few will play inside. i would also like to remind you that the first friday in november you can hear dog named david play a concert. and liz and gang will also play there as well. so how cool is all that? no really, tell me, how cool is it?

and as i am about to send this i realize that this email gets sent to one of the ladies who works at the office of the apartments where i live/stay. and i’m a little nervous about that.

please, join me next week for pickle’s parafable story thingies.

jaimie “that’s just sour voles” pickle

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the one about lunch with mr. b

Category: weekleez

tuesday, october 17, 2000

hi kids, if i had to title this one it would probably be something like, “my lunch with mr b” or “the zany, crazy, loony lunch” or maybe “mr toad’s wild day at the cracker barrel”. its probably a good thing i don’t title these things, isn’t it?

so anyway, i had the honor of eating lunch with jim “oh my gosh he’s waving a napkin high in the air” bentley the other day. maybe some of you know him?

so laura and i go to lunch with her father and for some reason i thought it would just be a normal dining experience. nay nay my friend, nay nay. mr. bentley is a jolly sort with rosy cheeks and a long white beard and when he laughs his gut shakes like a bowl full of jelly. no wait, that’s someone else. mr. bentley is a jolly sort with a short beard who gets a little upset when the restaurant does not have steak and biscuits. which is understandable i mean, they ran out of steak? i’d be a little upset too. so he opted for biscuits and gravy. why gravy? because he saw some on someone else’s table and it looked good.

so eventually we get our meals and i happen to forget to ask for ketchup (that’s right, i spell it ketchup, not catsup. catsup? that just looks nasty.) so i have no ketchup and the thing is i usually put ketchup on half of whatever i’m eating. so mr. b says, “you want ketchup? i’ll get you some ketchup.” and i say, “no thank you sir, i’ll get some in a minute.” i figured i would just wait for gary the waiter to walk by and that’s when i’d make my move for some ketchup. while i’m waiting for gary the waiter i kind of look around to see if there are any empty tables with bottles of ketchup on them. well, there were no empty tables but there was one table that had two (2) bottles of ketchup and the people at the table were finished eating and mr b notices this at about the same time that i notice it and he says, “you want me to get that bottle of ketchup for you?”

and i say, “NO! i’ll wait ’til they leave or until gary the waiter walks by.” and then he stands up.

“NO! what are you doing?” i ask as he continues to stand and look all across the room for what i can only suppose to be an empty table with a bottle of ketchup. and of course, people stare. and he sees that his antics are starting to worry and embarrass me. and he chuckles as he sits down and he says to me, “jaimie, i was a teacher for twenty (20) years and i’m a pastor. i’m used to having a roomful of people stare at me.”
i did a mental, “uh-oh.”

none of this seemed to phase laura. apparently she’s been to a restaurant with her father before. well, she was calm until he stood up a second time. that’s when she hid her face and i looked up to see jim “teacher and pastor” bentley standing tall and waving his napkin high in the air to get the attention of gary the waiter and everyone else in the restaurant as well.

when gary the waiter came over to our table i think laura was hiding in pile of lima beans and i was busy trying to tunnel my way under some hashbrowns. but i got some ketchup.

thanks mr b, for lunch and for the ketchup. lunch would’ve sucked without that ketchup.

so this brings me to the really important part of this letter: the shameless plug. our band, even so, will be playing this saturday (october 21) at the center for cultural arts (corner of 5th and broad st) in downtown gadsden. this is a great place to hear live music. its outside so bring the kids and they can yell and dance or whatever. but the very best part about it is its FREE. free as in, no money. it costs you nothing to hear us play. free. freeness. free.

the only thing better than hearing us play for free would probably be hearing us play for free while david “its just liz’s funny uncle” finlayson dances a jig. i know i can’t wait! (take that mr finlayson! ha ha! the day is mine! um, oops hit the silly button. sorry) right.

well, that’s it. hope you enjoy. i did have one other funny story to tell you guys but this email got a little long so maybe i’ll tell it next week. i mean, there’s nothing more uncool than an email that just drones on and on and on.

hope to see you all saturday (after you go to house of blue).

jaimie “a ninja does not reply “yes”. he merely nods.” pickle

mr b can really pack away those biscuits.

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the one about the olympics

Category: weekleez

tuesday, october 03, 2000

hi you guys. so, how about those olympics?
yeah whatever. i didn’t watch them. and for about 5 minutes i felt guilty for not watching them and for not caring about them at all and i said something about it to my friend laura “the sun NEVER sets on the british empire” bentley and do you know what she said? she looked me straight in the eye and said matter-of-factly, “the olympics don’t belong in the post-modern world.”
after she said that my first thought was, “wow, how could i have missed that?” and my second thought was, “geez, i really missed that. i wonder how i could’ve missed that?” but my THIRD thought was, “i must share this nugget of post-modern whatnot with the others.” the “others” being you guys of course.
so there it is. you guys might not agree with what she said but i thought it was a good sentence and all and it sounded real smart-like. and i thought about making a list of things that would back up laura’s statement, but i actually just wanted to make fun of the olympics.

so here are some silly and asinine reasons that the olympics have become silly and asinine in our post-modern world.
10. ok, there’s no more Wall.

9. annoying announcer people. um, yeah, hey announcer guy? you can be quiet now. we’re watching the event with you. you aren’t telling us anything that we aren’t seeing for ourselves. so please, stop talking.

8. the drama.

7. the drama. the drama thing gets two because that’s half of what they show anyway. i mean, come on. how many “touching” stories do we really need? actually, they should have an olympic event for just the sob stories. “and the gold winner of this year’s most horrible thing that could happen to an athlete right before the olympics goes to henrietta von pillbox who broke her ankle, gave birth and was mauled by a pack of wild dogs just three days before she was to perform.” and then the announcer guy will come on and say something really smart like, “we’re all wondering if this will hinder her performance in any way.” gee, ya don’t have to consult the magic eight ball* for that one.

6. in keeping with tradition of other lists that only have ten items or less, there will not nor has there ever been a number six (6). trust me.

5. women’s gynastics. uh, since when are 15 year old girls called women? it should be girl’s gymnastics.

4. commercials. am i supposed to believe that olympic athletes drink coke and eat mccdonalds food? those poor kids haven’t had anything fun to eat or drink in YEARS! years i tell you, years. they should just stop calling it the olympics and call it what it really is, the coca-cola summer games.

3. why don’t they show the guys with swords? ok, they aren’t swords, but they are sword-like. i mean, if there’s one thing we’ll watch its fencing right? they never show the fencing. i don’t think they ever have.

2. summer games are better than the winter games. winter games are better than the summer games. yeah yeah yeah. go argue amongst yourselves.

1. the olympics are confusing now. i mean, are they about the brotherhood of all nations coming together and competing in sports and being able to say, “good game”, “nice match”, or “you were a worthy opponent, i look forward to our next meeting.” or are they about “my country is better than your country”? i just don’t know. i think this has to do with reason number 10.

and so i’ve come full circle. well, i hope i didn’t offend any olympic fans out there. this was all in jest so please take it with a grain of salt and call me in the morning. maybe next week i’ll have a list of olympic events that PMs would watch. like i would know or something. sheesh.
who do i think i am?

until next week,

jaimie “who do i think i am?” pickle

*magic eight balls are neither magic nor eight balls. and i do not condone the use of them. but you guys knew that right? i mean what are the odds that one of you will write me and yell at me for refering to an evil tool of the devil? i know. “outlook not so good.”

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