Adult Lemony Snicket fans are kind of annoying.

Category: dribblings

I’d know idea how polarizing Lemony Snicket books could be. This is from the comments section of my goodreads review I posted in 2007. (2007!)

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Busybody and the Magic Ring

Category: dribblings

I think the last three weeks(ish) I’ve worked 40 hours a week at my part-time job. It’s been fine, I’m not bitching about work, but it has really cut into my free time which I use for book reading and friend talking. I miss my pals.

However, last weekend I got to hang out with the world-famous Cookie Magoo, and we went to the mall. She was nice enough to help me pick out a new perfume (which I haven’t purchased yet, because it’s a big decision and it’s not like they give that shit away.) and then we both bought rings.

Here’s something: I love rings.

Yup. I don’t wear them very often, and I only own a couple of them, but man, I love ’em. I love looking at them, the shiny! the bling! the shapes!
Also, while looking at rings (look at all of those rings!) I get a little excited and I say the dumbest things you’ve ever heard. And when I say them? It’s like I don’t even realize that it’s me talking. Mostly, I’m saying things like, “Oh my gosh! Lookit this one! It has magic powers! *gasp* wait! This one! It’s magic! These rings will fight their magic against each other!” I ramble on about magic and spells, and it should be noted I don’t know anything about magic or spells.

Here’s something else: I don’t give a damn about gems. The cheaper the ring the happier I am. I think I get this from my grandmother.

So the ring I picked out is very flat, silver, and looks like two branches with leaves.

The one Cookie picked out is big, rainbow glass, and a giant flower. It’s like a brooch you can wear on your hand. It is ridiculous! And when she picked it out I loved it instantly, but it’s one of those things that I know I could never wear. People would be all, “Why don’t you just go back to having pink hair and stop trying so hard with that ring.”
But Cookie? She can wear the shit out of that shit.
I mean, when she put it on her finger it looked like she had been born with it. She is awesome, her ring is awesome, it’s all so awesome.

So we were walking around with our new rings (I haven’t figured out what kind of magic mine is yet) and I said to Cookie, “This ring is pretty, I think when I wear it I feel like a winter princess.”

to which she replied, “If yours is a winter princess mine is… Vegas.”

BOOSH. We are so much fun.

But! Best of all! I’ve worn my ring to work twice this week and both times strangers have commented on my ring.  And it’s mostly young foreign ladies. (Foriegn ladies are hip with the jewelry) I know! I’m so damn exotic!

To be honest, I am not exotic. I’m like the midwest combined with the south. I’m Whitey Whiteford from Whitetown.  I don’t have any street cred., I don’t know anything about the music the kids are listening to, and I don’t even order fancy checks from the bank anymore. I’m total Snoresville over here.
But this ring? It’s so badass cool that even exotic people recognize, which makes me exotic (and badass) (and a winter princess).
HOLY SHIT! THAT’S ITS MAGIC POWER!

 

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The Uninnocent: Stories by Bradford Morrow

Category: 50 Books

 

 

Bradford Morrow is such a great writer. Not only are his novels great, but now I find his short stories are as well. The Uninnocent is a collection of gothic short stories. All of the stories in this book are dark, creepy, unsettling, and damn near perfect. Many times a collection of short stories will have one or two (or maybe more) stories that either aren’t as strong  or don’t fit in with the rest of the book, but in this collection all of the stories work. Each story was strong enough to stand on its own, there was no filler or fluff here.

Many of the stories had a bit of a Poe feel to them either in an uncanny mood sort of way or in the form of the unreliable narrator. I love both of these things so much, and to get to read a book where the author pulls these off so well. (I want to say effortlessly, but I know that’s not true, it just seems effortless because the writing is so smooth and it sucks you in immediately.) It was such a treat to read.

I hate to try to describe any of these stories because some of them have twists that I’d hate to give away, and describing some of the characters might turn off others. These characters are sad, spiteful, alcoholics, crazy people, psychopaths, and murderers. But they are written with such confidence in them, each character has a sense of self, and some even have an alarming intelligence while others are simple (and the simpleness brings with it its own sense of uncanny.) that no matter how selfish or guilty they are, you want to read the story, you’re compelled.

Another thing I liked about these short stories is: they’re short. Mr. Morrow really hits on the perfect length for these stories.

If you’re a Poe fan, like noir-y, gothic tales, or just enjoy great fiction, get this book and put it in your face.

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Seeing Trees by Nancy Ross Hugo photos by Robert Llewellyn

Category: 50 Books

This book was amazing. The author talks about trees and how they change all year-round and how there’s beauty in that. She isn’t too science-y in the way she writes so it’s a great book for anyone. If she does break out the science she makes it very easy to understand. So she talks about trees, ten in particular, and the writing style is relaxed but enthusiastic, so the book has a really nice flow. Ms. Hugo isn’t exactly teaching you about trees, but she’s definitely showing you new things about trees. So interesting. There is a “stop and smell the roses” feel to the book as well. Very enjoyable to read.

The photos in this book are outstanding.  The pictures are made up of something like 8 to 45 individual photos put together, with Mr. Lewellyn using his camera like a microscope to get the details. These gorgeous photos (there’s at least one on each page) make the book even better. It’s almost like having two books in one, because I’m not going to lie, the first thing I did was look at all the pictures then I went back and read the book.

The book is the perfect length, and at the end I was wanting more. I don’t know if there are plans for another book where they tackle ten more trees, but they totally could, I’m hooked.

If you like nature, even just a little bit, I think you’ll enjoy this one. If you love nature (and great photography) I think this would be a great book to own, and this is coming from someone who works in a library and doesn’t buy many books anymore, I really think this would be the kind of book that you would return to often.

 

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Where have you been?

Category: dribblings

I’m still alive. Been kind of busy. I miss you.

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The Public Library: Keeping Jaimie Humble Since 2007

Category: dribblings

Sunday afternoon we were at a restaurant, I was cramming nachos into my face, and this lady came up and sat down next to me.

“Hey, you’re the nice library lady.”

Aw, she thinks I’m nice! “Really? Yeah!”

“I recognized you from over there, and well, I have this extra coupon.” She hands me a coupon for the restaurant.

“Oh, you don’t need it?”

“No, I have one too.”

“Cool. Thank you!”

“Sure,” she said getting up, “See you at the library.”

“Thanks again, see you.”

So then I was all, “Did you hear what she called me? The NICE library lady.”

“Yeah.”

“That’s practically like being a rockstar.”

“Not… really.”

“Should I have offered an autograph or something?”

“No.”

CUT TO MONDAY AFTERNOON

I had to clean up smeared poop in the ladies’ restroom.

 

 

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Holy Terror by Frank Miller

Category: 50 Books

I don’t read a lot of comic books, but even I have heard of Frank Miller and of how awesome he is. I’ve seen his movies. I know he does the noir superhero kind of thing, I can dig it.

This book was supposed to be a Batman comic where he beats up Al-Qaeda. That sounds normal to me, I mean, weren’t there tons of comics back in the day about superheroes beating up Nazis? But Miller decided it wasn’t a Batman comic and he made it into an original character, an original character who is just like Batman, and another original character who is just like Catwoman. Meh. The Batman guy is called The Fixer and the Catwoman lady is called Natalie Stack. She has big boobs. Get it?

So The Fixer is chasing Natalie because she’s a thief, right? He catches her and they start to make out and then Empire City starts blowing up from a terrorist attack. Natalie and The Fixer work together to stop the terrorists.

First of all, I don’t care about the propaganda-ness of the whole concept. That doesn’t interest me. What would have interested me was if there had been a more compelling story. Miller gives you no background on these Batman/Catwoman rip-offs. He gives you no reason to care about these two people; they’re just as anonymous at the end as they are at the beginning.

Second of all, the artwork seemed slapdash. I’m not saying it wasn’t good because it wasn’t super-polished and sleek like a regular superhero comic, nay, that’s fine. But half of the panels seemed so overworked you couldn’t tell what the hell you were looking at. And sure, if that had been the explosions panels then yeah, I get it, but it was chase scenes and the make-out part and it felt lazy. Panels that are gritty and splattered and scratched up are fine, but you have to give me SOMETHING to look at, isn’t that the point of a graphic novel?

Thirdly, I read somewhere that this book had been in the making for something like five years. I realize that doesn’t mean he steadily worked on it for five years in a row, but still, knowing that, the whole book seems more like a first draft than a five-year old.

If you’re a huge Frank Miller fan you’ll probably get this book and be disappointed, but you’re a fan and you’ll forgive easily. If you’re not a fan, I doubt you’d casually pick this one up anyway.

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28. Starting Over by La Toya Jackson

Category: 50 Books

I can’t believe I read this. I mean, I’m a sucker for a memoir sure, but even for me this seemed off.

Two things:

1. The first part of the book where she writes about how her manager/husband abused her for years? That part was okay. It wasn’t fun to read about or anything, but it was important and real and that makes for a good book.

2. The second part of the book where she talks about her brother Michael, and then claims that there was a conspiracy to murder him even though she hasn’t one tiny piece of evidence other than Michael once told her that he thought someone was going to try to kill him, well, that half of the book was ridiculous. She went on too long saying the same thing over and over, but never actually explained her conspiracy theory at all. Redundant, uninteresting, pointless.

One other thing:

1. Apparently she was on a reality tv show called Armed and Famous and I guess it’s like celebrity COPS. So she was on it and she was sworn in as an officer in some town in Indiana and her partner was a real police officer. So she films this tv show for 5 weeks, right? Now I’m not saying that’s not a tough gig, you don’t see me volunteering or anything, however, in the book she keeps saying things like, “As a police officer…” and then when she’s spouting off about this conspiracy theory of hers about MJ’s death she’s all, “Using my experience as a police officer…” or whatever, I mean, no. Lady, you’re not a police officer. You were on a show. For 5 weeks. Stop it.

This book was so ridiculous I had to break out the Cansecos again.


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27. The Quarry by Johan Theorin translated by Marlaine Delargy

Category: 50 Books

I was so excited to get this book because Johan Theorin is one of my favorite authors. This is the third book in the Öland quartet. In this one springtime has arrived on the small island and with it new people in the village. As with his previous books there are lots of characters, each with a story and somehow the author manages to twist them all together to create a surprising and satisfying ending.

The A story dealt with the Mörner family. Per Mörner moves to the small village in the spring in hopes it will do his children good, one of whom is very sick. Eventually Per’s father moves in with him because someone tried to kill him and he’s had a stroke and can’t talk very much and this is the action story.

The B story is about Vendela, a nervous lady married to Max,  a douche bag, basically. On the one hand you don’t like Vendela because she’s kind of crazy and pathetic, but on the other hand you kind of feel for her because she’s very unhappy and her husband is a douche.

The C story is that Gerlof has left the assisted living place and has come back to the island to live out the last of his days at his old home. I love Gerlof.

D story? Trolls and elves.

“What?” you ask.
“Go with it,” I say.

As in the other books in this series, Theorin uses the landscape to create a moody story of loneliness, desolation, and ultimately hope. Usually springtime seems fresh and full of hope, but this spring seems to be heavy with secrets, and the island is a great isolated place for those secrets to bloom into really compelling mysteries, pushing all of the characters to breaking points.

It’s so well written. He takes your from story to story to flashback back to story occasionally adding in some supernatural questions and superstitions. The mixing in of the folklore of the elves and trolls really added an uncanny feeling to the whole book. SO GOOD.

 

 
Five Roxy heads means you should put this book in your face!

 

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26. Shockaholic by Carrie Fisher

Category: 50 Books

This book is a follow-up to Ms. Fisher’s previous memoir, Wishful Drinking. I love dishy Hollywood memoirs (because inside this thirty-something body of mine lives a very nosy, old lady along with an even older queer gentleman whose name is something like Gerald, but demands to be called Halston.) and like her previous book, this one does not disappoint in the dish factor.

In this one the author starts out talking about ECT (shock therapy) that she is now going through to help her with her severe bi-polar disorder, and then the book turns into a memoir about her relationship with her father, Eddie Fisher. My only problem with the book is that it doesn’t gel together as good as Wishful Drinking did. However, Shockaholic is still totally entertaining and just as honest about her mental illness and wacky life adventures as the first book.

This book is a guilty pleasure. I totally feel guilty while reading it because  some of the subject matter is really sad, but Fisher’s writing is so darn entertaining, I can’t help myself.

It’s short, dishy, entertaining, and mostly funny. I recommend you put it in your face and read it.

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