June is the new July

Category: dribblings

My July curse has expanded to all of summertime.

On our way to the park this morning I saw our cat, Chairman Meow, Lebowski, Pitters, Pits, etc, on the side of the road. I think if he had been dead it would have been easier to deal with, but he wasn’t. He was fucked up real bad. And when he saw me, with the eye he still had left, he made the most heart crushing sound you’ve ever heard.

Lots of times, in bad situations I become calm and take charge and get things moving. But this time I pretty much broke to pieces.

Mr. Fleegan and Popsicle took care of everything.

I’m so fucking sad.

 

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Caterpillar Update

Category: dribblings

The damn thing is gone. I can’t find it.

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Jeepnanigans part: It’s Not Even July Yet.

Category: dribblings

It’s not July, but this June is starting out like it, weather and jeep-wise.

My red jeep is out of commission, of course. The brakes won’t stop braking. So they get really hot. And then they don’t work. And it stinks. Literally.

And of course it’s the weekend. I’ll have to wait for Monday to do anything about it. So she’s gotta sit in the driveway and think about what she’s done.

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The Very Hongry Caterpillar

Category: dribblings

On Sunday Liz noticed this gross caterpillar on a weed that’s growing in our yard. She knew what the weed was, but not the caterpillar. I thought it was one of those horrible Tobacco Worms (what ate my tomato plants last year), but I was wrong. I looked it up later and found that it’s a caterpillar of the Tiger Swallowtail butterfly.

caterpillar01

It looks small in that picture. Note that it had only eaten the top part of that leaf.

Also, it has false eyes. It looks like a muppet.

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By day two it was this:

caterpillar03
The hell is that pink thing? Is that the real caterpillar? It just hides in that green jacket? I don’t know. I’m not a scientist, I just own a camera.

By day three? It had totally (totes!) eaten that leaf.

caterpillar04

Day four and five it had eaten another leaf on that weed, but I didn’t take a picture of that. Also, it poops a lot.

 

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Chairman Meow: the Murderous Pitters

Category: dribblings

I was sitting by the creek today waiting for a dragonfly to hold the hell still so’s I could take his picture, and there was a bird chirping and being all obvious. It would land within neck-grabbing distance and I said to the bird, “Piss off, you.”

But it wasn’t afraid and was content to just hang out nearby. So then I figured whatever, as long as it didn’t eat the dragonfly I was trying to work on.

A couple of minutes later Lebowski (our cat) came over and the bird got really agitated, but I didn’t care because I just don’t care. Also the bird was a Brown Thrasher and I was kinda pissed at it anyway because in the fall and winter I’d try to get a picture of those birds and they were ALWAYS SUCH DICKS ABOUT IT. I mean, the sparrows were cool about it, why you gotta be bitches, thrashers? Why? Plus, their yellow eyes freak me out. Also, I can’t tell the difference between the males and females, I’m kinda wondering if they’re like Blue Jays in that way. Whatever. Here’s the damn bird.

brownthrasher01

So my back is to the fig trees/bushes/plant matter and I’m focusing on the dragons in our creek. And I guess I should have given more thought as to why the bird was paying so much attention to me. I mean, really, why would a bird be all oddly demanding with it’s presence? BECAUSE YOU’RE PROBABLY CLOSE TO IT’S NEST, NATURE GIRL.

I was snapping away at the creek and didn’t see Lebowski duck into the fig tree and root around until I heard the birds start making a hell of a racket. I turn around and here comes ‘bowski with a baby bird in his maw. The parent birds are raising holy hell and the pitters is carrying that thing in his mouth and I’m telling you he’s strutting. Like he’s some badass for stealing a baby bird.

“Dammit, Lebowski! Don’t you DARE make me care about these birds!”

So I chase him into the front yard and make him drop the bird. It was still alive and didn’t look too bad, I guess, I mean it’s a baby bird, those things already look mostly dead. I can’t just leave it in the driveway cos ‘bowskers will just get it, and I’m sure as shit not going to pick up the bird because it is a filthy creature. So I call Jimmy on my cell and ask him to bring me a dish towel. While I’m waiting on him the bird is breathing and looks mostly stunned. Jimmy came out and gave me the towel and grabbed the cat to keep him busy so I can scoop up this bird and take it back to it’s parents. As soon as I touch the bird it starts screaming and jumping around like a lunatic. It scared the shit out of me.

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Yes, I took a picture of it before saving it. The camera was already in my hand!

The damn thing jumped all the way across the street before I could finally grab it, gently, and tuck it into the towel. Then I went back to the fig tree and put it as close to the nest as I could get. The parents were all, “HAVEN’T YOU DONE ENOUGH?” because they didn’t see the baby bird. So I poked the baby and it started screaming and hopping again and then the parent birds were all, “WHAT THE SHIT? MY BABY!” and they gave me a full cup of fresh hell and tried to kill me with their arsenal of bird weaponry: beaks and feet.

Dear birds,

Worst. Thank you. Ever.

No Love,

Jaimie

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Grace Jones. Yes, that Grace Jones.

Category: dribblings

Last night Mr. Fleegan and I were watching Conan the Destroyer. It was actually my choice, so don’t feel bad for me. When it started I told him that I hadn’t seen it in many, many years.

He said, “This one has Grace Jones in it.”

“Your mama?”

“Yep.”

His mother does share the name, but that is where the similarities stop. And now that I think about it, you can say that for all the other Grace Joneses out there as well.

“There was a two year period, when I was a kid, where Grace Jones was EVERYWHERE.”

“I saw her every day.”

“Not your mom. I’m talking about Grace Mother Fucking Jones.”

“oh.”

“SHE WAS EVERYWHERE. And I found her terrifying and amazing at the same time.”

“Amazing?”

“She wore the crazieset outfits, had weird hair, seemed to have super-human strength, and I don’t recall anyone giving her any shit about it.”

“They were probably afraid of her.”

“Exactly. But I also felt bad for her.”

“Why?”

“Well, what if sometimes she just wanted to be girly?”

“Then she could change.”

“Change what? She’s 7 feet tall, has no boobs or hips or curves. She’s a rake. It’s not like a wig and a Little House on the Prairie dress will help.”

“Little House on the Prairie?”

“And have you ever seen her feet?”

“No?”

“I’m assuming they’re a size 900.”

“Jaimie-”

“What? I’m just saying. I mean, yes, she’s done well for herself, but what if she wants to be the vulnerable one? Maybe she wants a giant cyclops to hold her and tell her everything is going to be okay? Can she be a warrior forever? These are the things I think about.”

“Did you just say cyclops?”

“No!”

“Oh.”

“I said giant cyclops.”

“I’m not sure what you’re talking about, but according to this website, at one point Dolph Lundgren was her bodyguard?”

“No way!”

“Way.”

“Why would she need a body guard? She could be a body guard. Oh wait! It’s a switcheroo. She’s Padme and He was Queen Amidala.”

“um-”

“What if, in the movie Bodyguard? She was Whitney’s bodyguard?”

“No.”

“I’ve never seen Bodyguard. But I think if that had been the cast? Yes. I would’ve watched that.”

“But who would’ve saved Whitney from her?”

“I don’t know, but have you noticed that she’s been in this movie for 8 minutes and so far her 20 lines have all been, “YAAAAAAH!”?”

“It is her talent.”

“I want to go back in time and tell her that she’s a beautiful, strong, black woman.”

“Is she dead?”

“No.”

“Then what the hell has she been doing for the last 25 years?”

“I don’t know, wrestling centaurs?”

“why go back in time? Why not tell her now?”

“She’s probably old enough to realize that she’s a beautiful, strong, black woman now. I’m just hoping that someone told her back then. Someone other than Andy Warhol.”

“…”

“I hope she finally found a nice giant she could settle down with. Someone to share her fur-lined cave with. And who will massage her massive feet when they ache.”

 

 

 

here’s a link to a russian site that has the YAAAAAH fight scene. it is totally worth two minutes of your time.

 

 

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drubnk post

Category: dribblings

oh wow, i had forgotten how much tequila is awesome.  justin and ciny and i just had margarita mionday. YOU SHOULD JOINF US NEXT MONDAYA. fro maragartisa monay!

yed!

shout up you judgey judgersons.

we are not in jail.

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note to self

Category: dribblings

Dear Jaimie,

Remember: Rita Coolidge is NOT Linda Ronstadt.

Love,

Jaimie

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a letter to pudding

Category: dribblings

Dear Butterscotch Pudding,

Thank you for being so great. Don’t ever stop being made into awesome-delicious pudding that comes in a plastic cup. Because just when I’m done eating your yummy goodness the fun continues when I let my dog lick the remainder. It is so cute.

Thank you, Butterscotch Pudding cup. Don’t change a thing. Unless the change is to make BIGGER pudding cups, then by all means, change away.

Love,

Jaimie

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begrudging bird like

Category: dribblings

 It has been mentioned before, on this blog, that I don’t like birds. I don’t. I think they are filthy creatures. And don’t tell me that they bathe, because I know this. They’re still dirty and gross and shit all over whatall.

It has also been mentioned before, on this blog, that birds of prey get a free pass because they are badass. I think we all agree on that point, yes?

The more I go out with the camera and spend time in nature-y places and see birds and bugs and slimey things the more I’m warming up to nature in general. (note: all my friends who are reading this are probably laughing at the “warming up” part. “Warming up? You’re one bad idea away from quitting life and joining the National Forestry Service.” to which I would probably respond, “There’s a National Forestry Service?”) I’ve turned into a different person. If you go on a walk with me, chances are we will see a bug or a bird and before I know what’s happening I’m probably boring you with a fact or personal story about said bug or bird.

“Hey check it out, dragonfly! It’s a female Whitetail.”

“…”

“See, on the wings? The males have different- I’m sorry, we were probably having a conversation weren’t we?”

“I don’t even see what you’re looking at.”

It happens a lot. I’m not trying to be Nature Nerd or anything, but I do get excited about certan things, mostly dragonflies and snakes.

Anyway, back to birds. I’m still meh about most birds. But there is one bird that has sort of wormed it’s filthy way into my stone-cold ice heart: the Great Blue Heron.

This bird won me over in three different ways.

1. It looks hilarious. 

greatblueheron22
The stork neck alone is nearly funny enough (note: nearly.) but you add the long skinny legs and you’ve got comedy gold. You add a long neck and shorty legs you get a Canada goose, and that shit ain’t funny.

#2. The wings.

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Have you ever seen one of these huge things take off? It’s a miracle they know they can fly at all.

 greatblueheron29
These jokers are strong. It must take some power to get them off the ground.

#3. They catch fish (and other animals: rats, baby ducks, frogs whatevs they don’t care.) with their pointy bill. They stand in the water and get their hilarious necks down low and wait and BAM. They jam their face down in the water and come up with fish the size you wouldn’t think they could swallow. Then they swallow their food whole while it’s still alive.

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Okay this was a smallish fish. But I’ve seen them choke down much bigger fish. youtube it, I’m sure there’s all kinds of video.

I guess I like these birds because they look like fools but secretly they are badass.

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