putting the FUN back in FUNDRAISINGTHEROOF.

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Adoption Concert FAQ:

1. ZOMG! what is this? awesome, live, local music that you don’t have to go to a smokey bar to hear? and it’s indoors so you won’t be gross, sweaty, hot, and eaten alive by bugs? FOR ONLY $5?!
is this true?

yes, yes it is.

2. Even So? Who are they?

only the greatest band you’ve never heard of.

3. Wait, wasn’t that the band you used to be in? a long time ago? like, in the ’90s?

shit. was it that long ago?

4. is this some kind of self-promotion crap?

no! it isn’t. one of our great friends (and fellow Even So bandmate) is adoptiong a daughter from China. It’s very expensive to adopt. this is a fundraising event to help her and her husband out with some of the expenses.

5. remember how, back then, you had pink hair? i bet you’re glad you grew out of that phase, huh?

oh. um, yeah. (shaddup.)

6. there is no number 6.

7. $5?! isn’t that expensive? i mean, to hear an old band play old songs?

$5 is on the cheap, you deadbeat miser. and? we’re not old! stop saying that. plus?! kids get in free. it’s a family event, you see?

8. but i’m somebody’s kid, can i get in free?

if you can drive you can pay $5. don’t be a miser! it’s a fundraiser. we need your funds!

9. can we bring our own booze?

no, ma. it’s at a church. it’s only two hours. we can go get wasted afterwards, okay?

10. so what kind of music does the band play?

that is a great question!

11. …are you going to answer it?

i couldn’t answer it 10 years ago. rock-ish? and accoustic-y? with singing. a rhythm section.

12. wow. that explains a lot.

Neil Peart is our drummer.

13. OMG!RUSHRLZ4EV3R!!!!!!11 are you serious?!

no.

14. you suck.

i know.

15. now, where and when is this again?

read the flier, lazybones. oh all right. it’s Saturday, June 19, 7pm. at 417 Broad Street Downtown Gadsden, AL. 

Be there or hear it from me for the REST OF YOUR LIFE.

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14. Cardboard Gods: An All-American Tale Told Through Baseball Cards by Josh Wilker

Category: 50 Books

This was a great idea for a book. And I can’t tell you how excited I was when it came in.

I was expecting a lot of, “OMG look at his hair!” and, “Who designed these uniforms? Stevie Wonder?” kind of things (from me, not the author) because I collected baseball cards as a kid and I remember laughing at a lot of them. What I wasn’t expecting was a sad, helpless story. And I hate to minimize someone’s memoir here, but it’s also redundant in places. (Lots of stories about the author being bullied by other kids.) (or at least, it felt like there were a lot of those stories.) (Anyway.)

I did like the book. And there were several, “ha! hair!” moments in it (for me.) I think I like the idea of this book more than the execution of it? But it is in no way the worst memoir I’ve ever read. (That would be you, Allegra Huston.) If you like memoirs and baseball cards I’d recommend you read this.

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book confession

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i checked out a book today at the ‘brary. it’s gonna be bad. it was the cover; it sucked me in (is that a bat? wha-?). the title was Blood Oath and i thought, “For the love of love. How many books have the title Blood Oath?” i immediately thought of sf and westerns.

then i read the top of the cover. i was all, “Wait, what?”

FINALLY! a vampire book for me. he’s a vampire who works for the president. nights? i’m assuming?

i’ll be sure to let you know all about it as soon as i finish Preston and Child’s The Cabinet of Curiosities.

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books i’ve started…

Category: dribblings

i have not been in a reading mode at all this year.

these are the books i’ve got going but have not finished.

Fired Up by Jayne Ann Krentz

White Noise by Don Delillo

Miracle Workers, Reformer, and the New Mystics by John Crowder

Willie Mays: The Life, The Legend by James S. Hirsch

books that just came in at the library that i’ve checked out and will probably read and finish before i finish any of the above:

Stienbrenner: The Last Lion of Baseball by Bill Madden

Cardboard Gods: An All-American Tale Told Through Baseball Cards by Josh Wilker

i also have checked out (recommended by a pal who obviously knows of my junkfood love of true crime) Hellhound on His Trail: The Stalking of Martin Luther King Jr. and the International Hunt for His Assassin by Hampton Sides.

I’m taking Fired Up back to the library today; it’s crap. I won’t finish it. I want to finish White Noise because it is so good, and I think I love every sentence in the book (it is filled with clever), but I don’t really care about any of the characters. There’s nothing to keep me reading it other than clever thoughts and witty sentences, and maybe that would be enough except I’ve got all these other books that I’m wanteing to read. So I will probably go back to White Noise later on this year.

The New Mystics book i WILL FINISH. It is the book I’ve been bringing back and forth to work to read on my breaks for the last month and a half. It’s a really intersting book, it’s half history lesson half motivational speaker.

I feel very behind in my reading. I blame baseball and Netflix mostly.

We have Netflix now. And some of the stuff can be downloaded from the Wii instantly. You will never see me again. They have all the MST3Ks. Some you can download and the rest come in the mail.

Through the mail we have seen Alien Apocalypse starring Bruce Campbell and Rene O’Connor. It was just awful in that Xena way. And Zodiac starring Jake Gyllennhhaall, Robert Downey Jr., and other men as well. It wasn’t a bad movie. It had a good soundtrack, not it a Scorsese/Tarantino way, but in a more subtle way. I had read the Zodiac book years ago (hi. why did i read that in middle school?) so I knew something about it, and for a story that really has no ending, they did a good job DRAGGING ON FOR NEARLY 3 HOURS. Even Mr. Fleegan thought it was long, so it wasn’t just me being me. I enjoyed the movie, but I couldn’t figure out if Jake Gyllennhhaall’ss character was supposed to be semi-retarded or if that’s just his acting style. (i don’t think i’ve seen any of his other movies.)

on the MST3K front we’ve watched Racket Girls. it’s a 1951 T&A flick about women wrestlers actually starring women wrestlers (of the time). awesomely bad.

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13. Blood Ties by Kay Hooper

Category: 50 Books

13. Blood Ties by Kay Hooper

More of the same from Hooper and her SCU/Bishop series. This is the third one of the “Blood” books. I wouldn’t read it first if I were you.

I was glad to see that Hollis was finally the main character and not just shoved in at the end. But other than that it ran the typical formula for this book series.

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you should be so lucky

Category: dribblings

two things you should know:

1. my hair is blue again

2. i’m a Terrible Christian™

the creepy Tourette’s guy (he’s creepy because there’s something not quite right about him. the Tourette’s isn’t what makes him creepy.) hit on me at work today. and you would think that HE would have been the awkward one, but i was the one struck mute with a mix of horror and embarrassment. i’m not saying he’s scary because of a handicap, he’s scary because he’s a giant black man who could crush my head with his bare hands, and when he gets upset his vocal tics and hand sanitizing get more out of control.

i try not to talk to him (obviously i’m polite to him, i just try not to engage in conversation) because it’s like he’s picking up on a conversation he had earlier with someone else and you have to play along like you know what the hell he’s talking about. kinda like talking to Crazy Margaret. so it’s best to keep the convo at a minimum.

but today he was persistent. i’m not sure i can write out the conversation in all it’s awkward glory. but i’ll try. for you.

i’m behind the circ. desk and he comes walking up out of nowhere right in front of me.

“i guess you change you hair color like your personalities.”

n’oh.  shit. where did he come from?  what do i say?   “no.” 

“my brother got out of jail yesterday.”

wha- okay think. say something. “…”

“it’s going to be the same thing all over again. i try to help him but he doesn’t want my help.”

say something. say something! be nice. BE NICE AND SAY SOMETHING, YOU IDIOT!  “that’s a. bummer.” bummer? that’s the best you can come up with? for crying out loud what’s the matter with you?

you should pray for him. *gasp* i know! shit.

Dear Jesus,

I AM SO SORRY THAT I CAN’T TELL THAT MAN I’ll PRAY FOR HIM. i want to. i want to love people like how you love people, but that guy stares at me a lot and it’s not cool, you know? and if i’m nice to him he’s going to think we’re dating or something, and he’ll catch me in the booksale stacks and get all Lenny on me and try to pet my blue hair and somehow strangle me. i will pray for him, honest, but i just can’t tell him that. okay? i’m sorry, please forgive me for being a coward. Amen.

“so what are you doing this weekend? or next week? what are you doing next week?”

shit! see?! see, Lord?! this is what i’m talking about!  “…i work.”

“all next week?”

“work.”

“you can’t work all the time.”

“i do. i just work.”

by the way, this whole time? i haven’t moved a muscle. i probably haven’t even blinked. i’m like a deer in the headlights.

“don’t you hang out anywhere?”

“no.”

“not even at your house? with your boyfriend?”

“husband.”

“oh, you’re married?”

“yes.”

“well, i need to run a lot of errands before i go to work.”

“have a good evening.”

he leaves and immediately my coworkers are all, “YOU ARE A MAGNET!” 

“shut up! and where the hell were you two?!”

“HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!”

a few minutes later a family comes in and this really young little boy looks at me and asks, “what’s your name?”

“i’m jaimie, what’s yours?”

“gage.”

“it’s nice to meet you, gage.”

“you too,” he says and they leave.

my coworkers again: “now you’re robbing the cradle!”

“what? oh come on! he just asked my name!”

“HAHAHAHAHA you’re getting hit on by ALL AGES! ahahahahahahahaaaa!”

“he was a little kid, he saw my hair and probably thought i knew Grover or something.”

“hahahahahahahahaha!”

“i hate you.”

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for chris

Category: dribblings

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praise report confessional II

Category: dribblings

one day last week k-ris called me and asked if i had a blank canvas i wasn’t using. i told him that sure i had one and that if he needed it he could have it. he was all, “well, i wanted you to bring it to church on Sunday to do some art during worship.” (that’s an example, in case you’re wondering what i’m talking about.)

i’m not going to lie, i didn’t want to do this.

there were three main reasons i didn’t want to do it.

1. it’s supposed to be this off-the-cuff expression of worship, and well, my painting isn’t really spontaneous. it’s really controlled. can’t get more controlled than a grid can you? so i felt uncomfortable with that.

2. i’d have to paint in front of people! even strangers! what if they were all, “uh mah gah. she’s an artist? really? it looks like a kid vomited crayola on canvas. lame.” i know it’s not about making a pretty picture. it’s about worship, but still, it was in the back of my mind all week.

3. worship lasts about an hour. i didn’t think i’d be able to finish a painting in an hour. unless of course i had a small canvas. but mine was 36″x24″. not large, but not small either.

so, three petty, little fears. and to be honest, the first two seemed really lame. yes, painting in front of everyone was going to suck, but also, it’s not like my fellow church peeps are gonna be all, “YOU SUCK!” to my face. and as for my painting “style”? whatever. i’m a trained painter, for crying outs, i should be able to put SOMEthing on a canvas. but the time limit seemed impossible.  

i talked to my pal, PamSim, who is at the Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry in Redding, CA, because for her school she had to take a prophetic art class and she was really uncomfortable with it (probably for all of the fears i just listed and maybe more). the funny thing is, when she had this class she called me and was all, “i can’t do this art thing, it’s crazy.” (she never said that. i’m paraphrasing. i’m paraphrasing things she never said.) i kept telling her, “oh, you can do it. it’ll be fine. i bet you’ll do great.”
Jaimie: Queen of Lame Generic Affirmations.

so now, months later i’m talking to PamSim and i’m all, “crap, k-ris asked me to do this art during worship and i’m so nervous about it.” she’s all, “HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!” (i’m paraphrasing.) but she DID say that she thought the hardest thing for me would be to finish a painting in an hour.

word, right?

so this morning i get to church and my pal Nola sees me. she’s playing bass on the worship team. she’s kind of upset at first cos she thinks that they double booked the bass or something (i too, play bass on two of the worship teams) but i tell her no, i’m here to paint during worship. she’s all, “HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!”  or something like that. then she’s all, “awesome!” and THEN she’s all, “how are you going to be able to finish a painting in an hour?”

I DON’T KNOW. 

so what i did, right? i got to the church at the same time as the worship team (because i considered the task of Painting Art Worshipper Person (PAWP™) to be part of the team. right? wouldn’t you? yes.) and i waited for the team to start practicing (they practice an hour before church starts.) so i sat for a bit and prayed and started putting some paint on the canvas.

earleir in the week, when k-ris called, i kept thinking about water.
maybe i was supposed to paint water?
so all week i kept thinking about water. maybe an ocean? with waves? i don’t know.

water.

but when i got to church i saw this awesome tree. so then i was all, “TREE! i’ll paint a tree!” but God was all, “tree? really? what have i been telling you all week?”

“…water?”

“thank you.”

“so, you want like, an ocean or something? waterfall?”

“…”

“Lord? what kind of water? hello? …great.”

so while practice was happening i got out all my blues and some white and some deep turquoise (i want to eat that color). now, all my blues are at the ready.  i’ve got a manganese blue, an ultramarine of course, and a pthalo if i need it, cobalt, and some kind of medium blue that looked like what i’d call a Superman blue. i also had a big bucket of Utrecht white gesso. i was using that as my white because i have so much of it and it has the most awesome consistency.

so i go to put the paints on the palette, and what colors do i put on it? burnt sienna, burnt umber, and yellow ochre. of course.

what?

i grab a brush and start putting color on the canvas thinking, “this isn’t water.” but the music gets going, and i’m sucked into it. i brushed the background in, and i think by then practice was over. i took a break and then when worship started (for real) i grabbed a palette knife and painted the whole thing in with that instead of a brush.

and you know what? i finished the painting before worship was over.

laura took some pictures during worship. Action Worship!

look! we even had someone dancing! i totally missed it because my back was turned.

so there’s the finished painting. Carpenter John’s wife, Ann, came up after church and said to me, “i know exactly what that painting is.” she was awesome. she wanted it for the house she has for women addicts in recovery. i thought that was amazingly cool. i took it home to varnish it and i’ll bring it to her next week.

what an awesome day. what an awesome God.

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more blaseblall blog

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I forgot to put 1B Mark Teixeira in yesterday’s post. For those of you who don’t watch el beisbol, his last name is pronounced tesh-er-ah. His fleegan.com nickname is Shit Smeller because well, he always has this look on his face like he smells shit. He’s not sure if he stepped in it, or if maybe the runner on first stepped in it, but he can smell it.

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MLB Extra Innings

Category: dribblings

I love baseball.

Most of my friends (read: all of them except Eric) hate it. Or they don’t watch it and therefore when I’m watching a game they look at the screen all, “So… this is a… sport?”

My favorite team has always been the New York Yankees. I’m a Real Fan™ because I was a fan back in the ’80s and early ’90s when the Yankees stunk on ice.

Since we live in Alabama we don’t get a lot of the Yankee games on TV. We mostly get Braves games (on the local sports channels) and whatever is in our market on the ESPN games, which is also a lot of Braves games (and probably Florida games too). So as a kid my only chance to keep up with the Yanks was to check the box scores and standings in the newspaper. And every summer my Yanks were in the basement, or they were right above Detroit, who was in the basement.

But now I’m all grown up and TV has gotten more awesome. Mr. Fleegan has bought me the MLB Extra Innings package on our DirecTv. I cannot describe the joy. I’ve only missed 3 Yankees games all season*.

It is SO MUCH FUN to get to see all the games! And I mean ALL the games because there’s this channel that shows 8 small screens of different baseball games going on. So when the Yanks go to commercial, I can swing over to the Baseball Mix channel and see if Boston or Tampa Bay is losing.

Mr. Fleegan sometimes watches part of the games with me (he’s not a big baseball fan), and it’s nice having someone to talk to about the games. Well, he’s nice enough to listen politely as I tell him who was pitching and what happened and who won. He’s real sweet like that.

Like I say, it’s so nice to get to see so many games because it makes the game even more enjoyable. You get to learn the lineup, the pitchers, the outfield. Plus, you get to make up names.

At my house DH Nick Johnson is known as Slingblade, Curtis Granderson is Willie Mays Hayes, and Brett Gardner is CSI Nick.

Can you pick out who is a New York Yankee and who is a mentally challenged murderer with a heart of gold?

Can you tell me who is more hot? No wait, impossible. Can you tell me who’s stolen more bases this year?

I couldn’t find a good picture of Wesley Snipes as Willie Mays Hayes to spoof Granderson. But it’s not their looks that are alike, it’s more Granderson’s speed.

Isn’t baseball fun?

*Which now has me superstitious. Because the three games I’ve missed are, so far, the only games they’ve lost.

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