wart. do not read if you are squeamish.

if you have/get a wart you should go to your doctor. a wart is the HPV. it’s a virus. your doc can help you.

i have a wart on the bottom of my foot.

i’ve had it for a week now. i find it to be embarassing; that’s why i’ve sat on this for a week before mentioning it. it’s not large. and for now, it’s not one of those massive foot wart colonies that you see on google images that makes you want to cry for the poor bastard who has to deal with that on a daily basis. search at your own risk, folks.

it’s just a small/medium sized piece of filth that lives on the ball of my foot that somehow makes it feel like i’m constantly walking on a small but sharp pebble.

obviously it’s not the worst thing in the world, but it is annoying, mildly painful, and if you work at a public library? you’re on your feet a lot.

i remember one summer when i was a kid my mom had plantar warts. that basically means you have warts on the bottom of your feet. like the one on my foot now. but she was one of the unlucky people; she had, at one point, 27 of those things going. that’s a lot of shit on the bottom of one foot.

she tried the acid first, but pretty soon she was going to a doctor. and it seemed like that summer she went to the doctor once a week to have those things burned off. this was the ’80s, and that’s what they did. now you hear more about them freezing the warts off. you can even buy over-the-counter-freeze-your-warts-off-yourself-even-though-you’re-not-a-doctor-nor-have-you-had-any-medical-experience-whatsoever-and-no,-the-biology-class-you-took-at-community-college-does-not-count.

her foot had these tiny burned out holes in them. 27 of them. that summer she sat by the pool almost every day and soaked her foot, hoping the chlorine would kill the warts or dry them out or, i don’t know, become some kind of miracle healing waters. i remember being scared of her foot. i wasn’t afraid of the warts being contagious, i was just afraid of how scary her foot looked. at one point that summer i remember the burned out holes (27 of them) were gone and it was like the whole front part of her foot had been scraped out. that’s because the doctor had taken some kind of medieval dentistry tool and had actually SCRAPED OUT THE BOTTOM OF HER FOOT.

i was horrified. but also kinda intrigued. “mom, can i see your foot?” i’d ask.

she’d lift it out of the water.

“gross!” i’d say and swim to the deep end of the pool.

i remember i’d ask her if it hurt. she always said, “no.” or “not too bad.”

piss on that. her foot looked like burger meat. it had to hurt.

i asked her how and why she had those warts. i think she knew that i was panicky about getting them, especially after seeing her chunked-out foot. so she told me it happens sometimes when you get old. i thought that if that’s what getting old is i want no part of it. sure you get to stay up late and watch Cheers, but that is so not worth having a hamburger foot.

of course, she lied. it has nothing to do with age. the next year i got a wart on my big toe. it was massive, but it was only one, and it was nothing like her previous wart farm. i won’t bore you with my big toe wart story because it is even more gross and hilarious (though not nearly as painful) than mom’s Wartslvania, population:27.

and now i have a wart on the bottom of my foot. and i am nearly religious in the cleansing of this foot. because i don’t want it getting any imperial ideas of spreading out and conquering new places. Queen Fleegan is NOT signing any charters; there will be no religious freedom.

i have no idea if that will prevent a Wartersburg on my foot, i’m not a doctor, but it probably can’t hurt. right now it’s not very big, so i’m not in panic-mode, yet. and i went to the pharmacy and spent 20 minutes in the So, You’re Foot is Fucked Up? section. i’ve got tape and pads and acid and discs. and like i say i’m cleaning it a lot. i’ve got an acid regimen. this is where i clean it and prep it and drop a tab of acid and THE CAT IS SPEAKING IN TONGUES AND I CAN’T SWIM IN THIS AIR BECAUSE IT’S BLOOD NOW AND HOW AM I DRINKING FIRE OUT OF A SKULL? WHO IS THIS SKULL?!

then i disc, pad, and tape it over, and i’m good to go.

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Tags: wart

You’ve painted up your lips and rolled and curled your tinted hair.

Category: dribblings

we haven’t seen much of the Chairman lately because he’s been hanging out at the neighbor’s house. they have a new kitty.

meet Ruby:

awwwwwwww. i know. she IS really cute. i don’t even like cats and i think she’s a cutie patootie.

Lebowski doesn’t come home anymore because he’s too busy playing with Ruby ALL DAY LONG. even when i pick him up and force him to come back inside, you know, TO EAT, he’ll go and eat two bites of food and then runs back to the door all, “OPEN THIS. NOW! I MIGHT MISS SOMETHING!”

this picture is very blurry, but i thought it was hilarious how she’s got both arms around his neck.
kitteh MMA!

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Tags: Lebowski, Ruby

EoTPaAC part V Murfreesboro Chapter part II

Category: dribblings

At the Stone’s River National Park museum we watched a 10 minute movie and looked at all the cannon stuff and read all the walls and of course:

dioramas!

this showed a Confederate soldier writing a letter, or journal entry, or grocery list.

and here was a Union soldier loading a cannon.

oh hey, wait a minute… isn’t that…

i knew it.

then we did the driving tour, which is not as jammed packed with stuff like Chickamauga is. also, there were a lot of places blocked off where the tornado went through. but we did get to go to the Slaughter Pen. you might be all, “what’s the Slaughter Pen?” well i’m not going to tell you. why? cos you can listen for yourself. “wait, what?”
scroll.

check it:

see? you can call that number and it tells you about the Slaughter Pen! no kidding, i thought that was the coolest thing. DO NOT JUDGE MY DORKINESS.

this trail goes to the Slaughter Pen.

here’s General Rusty Shackleford in the Slaughter Pen.

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Tags: Civil War, leetle brahther, Stone's River

EoT Painting and Adventure Club part V: The Murfreesboro Chapter

Category: dribblings

Popsicle and I went up to TN to visit little bro. and we hit up a couple of historical sites. We went to the Stones River Battlefield again because I just really like it. We also went to a place called Cannonsburg which is a lot like the pioneer village here at Noccalula Falls only better, but also it’s kind of, “Now why is this here?” Justin said that they do have craft fairs there sometimes, and that those do well.

Day two we went to Nashville and toured the Belmont Mansion. The tour was $10. The tour was kind of interesting, but not worth $10. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I know the money goes toward fixing up the house, but i felt ripped off. $5 – $7 would have been a good price.

Last year a tornado (maybe more than one? i can’t remember.) ripped through Murfreesboro and it happened to hit the battlefield too.

it’s weird how there’s a car dealership “right there” at the cemetery.

This thingie tells how many graves.

this was a monument to fallen soldiers as well, but it also had something else on it:

an acorn. (see also: EoT Painting and Adventure Club part IV.)

more pics to follow in Eot Painting and Adventure Club part V part II.

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Tags: Civil War, leetle brahther, popsicle, Stone's River

8. The Man From Beijing by Henning Mankell

Category: 50 Books

8. The Man From Beijing by Henning Mankell

This is the best book I’ve read so far this year. I know, I’ve only completed 8 of the 14 books I’ve started, but The Man From Beijing was so good I couldn’t put it down. And when I was finished with it I wished I had more of it to read.

This isn’t one of Mankell’s Wallander series. It’s a stand alone. And while it starts in Sweden it’s not just a typical Scandi crime book, it’s more international crime/intrigue than anything else. I loved the main character, Birgitta Roslin, because she’s not a typical crime novel hero. She’s an older woman, a judge, her marriage is failing. She’s not superhuman or good at everything (Lisbeth Salander, anyone?) she’s just normal. The author is so good though, that the character and the book are not boring AT ALL. And that rocks.

Normally I get annoyed when characters jet across the world at a whim to go solve mysteries that they have no business solving, but it seems more plausible when the characters are flying from Sockholm to London. It’s not that far. It’s not like a San Francisco detective flying to London on a whim. I don’t know. It just seems more believeable.

Great book. If you’re not that into police procedurals but still like an exciting crime thriller, I’d recommend this book to you.

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Tags: Henning Mankell, Scandinavian crime fiction

Tmobile, why you gotta be like that?

Category: dribblings

i have one of those “caller tunes” (not sure what other cell companies call them) it’s the thing where, you call me and instead of hearing the phone ring you get to hear a song play while i’m not answering the phone. i picked the perfect song. everyone loves my song. you love my song.

what is the song? it’s Three Dog Night’s “Shambala”.

see. i told you.

when i answer my phone? i catch people singing along with the song. this happens at least once a day. i’ve had people tell me that hearing that song brightens up their day. or they’ll call just to hear the song. how much fun is this? and it’s fun for all ages! it’s cross-generational!

it’s. the. perfect song.

i’ve had it for two years (or is it three?).

and now Tmobile sends me a txtmsg telling me that my callertune expires in 30 days and that i cannot renew it and i MUST choose a different song.
wha-?

what a crock.

so. i need another perfect song. do you have any ideas?

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7. Sir Henry Vane, Jr. by Henry Melville King

Category: 50 Books

7. Sir Henry Vane, Jr. by Henry Melville King

I’ve done a terrible job of keeping up with what I’ve read so far this year. sorry!

This is a book I finished reading last month. It’s in my Google library. Have I mentioned books.google.com? Have you been there yet? have you made your own library? well you should because it’s awesome. i usually have one book on there that I’m reading so that i can sneakread at work. See, people think, “oh you work in a library. that must be awesome to get to sit around and read all day.” well, yeah that would be awesome. except we’re not allowed to read books on the job. but, when it’s slow at work, boosh.

This book was published in 1909. It’s actual title is hilarious to me, Sir Henry Vane, Jr. : Governor of Massachusetts and Friend of Roger Williams and Rhode Island. You said it, man.

I’m intrigued by Henry Vane the Younger (which is what he was called back in the 1600s) because on one hand he was awesome and on the other hand he was kind of a puss. I think that the awesome hand outweighs the puss hand. But I’m glad he’s got that flaw (or a flaw, anyway) otherwise he’d be too perfect and that just wouldn’t work.

Vane the Younger was born into a well-to-do family in England. His pop was a financial something to the King of England (Charles I?). So his fam was in good shape. But Jr., he grew up to be the black sheep in a way. He was a Puritan. Mostly.

So he spends some time in schools (or working with his dad whatever) and then decides he needs to go to the colonies to be with likeminded religious people. When he gets there (Massachusetts Bay Colony) they make him governor in like, 6 months. John Winthrop (who was always the MBC governor) was even keen on him being there, at first. The thing about Vane (that i love the most) is that he’s not exactly as Puritan as most Puritans. He has this idea of religious freedom, and he doesn’t think the government should be able to punish it’s people for their religious beliefs.

So he gets to MBC about the same time that Roger Williams is getting booted out (again). And he finds that he really agrees with Williams’s idea of religious liberty. Then after the Williams thing the Antinomian controversy happened where Anne Hutchinson and some of her fans got into trouble for having their own Bible studies. So the magistrates want to banish Hutchinson and her pals. There are trials and punishments and more trials and Vane is trying to step down as governor because he likes the Hutchinsonians, but he knows he’ll get in trouble if he likes them too much. And Winthrop won’t let him quit. Eventually Vane is all, “Hey, something has come up in England and I gotta go back home.” So he gets the hell out of Dodge.

He gets back to England and becomes part of parliament (but he did argue about not killing Charles I, he lost the arguement.), but he’s no great friend to Cromwell. Vane stands up to him about religious and personal freedom and stuff all the time. Cromwell eventually dissolves the parliament. When Cromwell dies and his son tries to take over Vane is one of the MPs who thinks that the son really hasn’t proven himself to be Lord Protectorate or whatever.

Vane is still all for liberty and freedom and really, he is ahead of his time. And we all know what happens to people who are ahead of their time.

Tragic death.

When Charles II is restored as king he has Vane imprisoned in the Tower of London even though he had fought against the killing of Chas I, and was no pal of Cromwell’s. Chas II trumps up some charges on him and has him beheaded. It makes no kind of sense.

This book mostly hits the high points. It shows how Vane the Younger was a champion of religious freedom and personal liberty (like, BEFORE the colonies thought of it. in fact, Vane wanted a government of the people, by the people, for the people 200 years before Lincoln. ). Again, the whole “ahead of his time” thing. It really glossed over his pussyfooting as governor of MBC. It makes no mention of him crying at the Antinomian trials. I’m not saying that makes him a sissy; I like that he was that torn up about it. I’m just saying that this book doesn’t talk about that.

It’s a short read. I’d like to read a different book about him, one that goes into better details.