12.16.08 more booktalk

Category: dribblings

so this was on cnn.com yesterday.

i was sort of meh about the article because it makes it sound like Cornwell invented the forensic fiction book. when in fact i’m pretty sure you’d have to go back to the VICTORIAN ERA for that. and also i can’t figure out what she’s talking about when she says this:

“It’s like you create this monster and find out it’s living in the house with you, and it’s banished you to a room because it has more power than you,” she said.

i can’t figure out the context for this and i blame whoever wrote the article.

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12.15.08 art thoughts

Category: dribblings

i’m not much of an artist, and what i mean by that is i don’t make a lot of art. i used to. i used to make art everyday. but now, not so much. housepainting isn’t exactly creative, y’know? and the library gig is also not very artsy. it’s more mystery solving than anything else.

all this to say that i still think like an artist and often have thoughts about art pieces i should make. lately in my brain i’ve been thinking about making things that don’t work. hee. what i mean is making things that are supposed to be useful, and making them useless or limited in some way. i’m sure these things have been done ten fold, but it’s just what’s been in my head.

1. a box.
make a beautiful box… probably out of wood. stain it a gorgeous color. make it look like it would hold jewelry or something really important. small pirate treasure, that kind of thing. make everyone who sees that box want to open it to see what’s inside. when opened, maybe a mechanism of some kind makes another lid slide into place and you can’t put anything in the box. or, the box isn’t a box and it’s solid, it doesn’t open at all. or it’s filled with spikes on top and bottom so closing it makes it an Iron Maiden kind of thing.

2. a coffee mug.
a plain white mug. no, better yet, a white mug with something asinine on it, “World’s #1 Dad!” on it or something. only instead of ceramic it’s made of lead; so it weighs 15 pounds. and while technically it could still hold coffee, it would of course be no fun to drink from that cup.

these things have probably been done to death, but still they’ve been in my head for a couple of days so i thought i’d write them down. maybe they’ll leave me alone now and i can go back to thinking about fiction. ha.

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12.14.08 books!

Category: 50 Books

i can’t believe i’ve read so many books this year. the goal was 50, yeah? but i’ve blown that out of the water. here’s a list of books i’ve read recently but have not written about because of laziness or there wasn’t much to say about the book in the first place. so here’s the list with a one word description. and let me say, one word descriptions are not fair at all. i should do a two word review and set it up like “adjective yet adjective”. maybe i’ll do that for my 50 Books 2009 edition.)

57. Holidays on Ice by David Sedaris (funny)
58. Face of Deception by Iris Johansen (unremarkable)
59. Graceful Waters by BL Miller (disappointing)
60. Wishful Drinking by Carrie Fisher (funny)
61. The Soul Hunter by Melanie Wells (creepy)
62. When the Day of Evil Comes by Melanie Wells (creepy)
63. Letters to My Daughter by Dr. Maya Angelou (wonderful)

books i started but could not finish:

The Watchers by Mark Andrew Olsen (unremarkable)
Fatal Vows: The Tragic Wives of Sgt. Drew Peterson by Joseph Hosey (hacky)
Against Medical Advice by James Patterson (tiring)

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12.11.08 the one about fiction (part the first)

Category: dribblings

this is just me thinking out loud. if it comes across as bitchy, i’m sorry.

i read. i read many things. i find that i can’t read loads of fiction without adding in a few nonfictions in because the fiction tends to start sucking and it will run together and seem very trite. i blame this on two things.

1. me. i’m very harsh on fiction. my bad.

2. american fiction writers. most of you are On My List.

so i’m harsh on fiction. this is not new. i know i should ease up a bit on it because i’m well aware that not all fiction can be Great Literature. it’s not even suppose to be. most popular american fiction is meant to entertain and not inform nor provoke great thoughts. i have to remind myself of this from time to time.

however, this does not mean that i will stop calling shenanigans on laziness! lazy is lazy whether in great fiction or shitty fiction (though i suppose you find less of it in literature than in say, a pulp.) and while you might say something like, “how can you call shenanigans on lazy when you blatantly disregard the rules of grammar?” i might say something in response like, “why don’t you go and write your own damn essay?”

so what i’ve become sick of lately is this: wealthy characters.

i cannot decide if wealthy characters are a plot device or just plain lazy writing. liz pointed out to me that aren’t most plot devices tools for lazy writing?
now don’t you wish you had a smart friend like liz?

obviously i’m not talking about using wealth as a class signifier. a rich prince, the beautiful milkmaid, and their’s was a love that was forbidden. while old and tired, it’s still somewhat of a dilemma of class.

what i am talking about is when an author adds a wealthy character to make it easier for the author. you know, so when the characters have to fly all over the world to find… clues or whatnot, there’s no big deal about airline tickets, hotels, car rentals, food. the wealth does not benefit the character really, just the author. there’s nothing clever. there’s no extra research. it’s just easier.

again, i have to remind myself that this is not supposed to be great literature. it’s entertainment. but i’ve been noticing it so much that it’s become annoying. not annoying in a, “here we go again” kind of way, but annoying in that authors

1. seem to get away with it.
2. a lot.
3. because they think we’re lazy readers?
4. are we?

i had a list of several examples written on an index card by my computer, and now i can’t find it. i know i had Twilight on it. and i was still debating Patricia Cornwell. but i can’t remember the other two i had.

any thoughts so far?

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12.09.08 christmas tree of evidence

Category: dribblings

so while we were decorating the tree last night i wanted to see what was on VH1 classics cos usually there’s something watchable yet not something i have to pay actual attention to on that channel. it was some kind of john lennon biopic that i was not interested in. but it only had 20 minutes more to go so i thought i’d scroll through the guide and find something i could stand for a couple of minutes until the whatever was coming on the VH1.

so there was this movie already on. and it had willem dafoe in it. and if you know me then you know i’m a sucker for mr. dafoe. but what’s this? a movie of his i’ve never seen? and what else is this? it has madonna in it? really? and i’ve never seen it?

how is this even possible?

perhaps you’re already laughing.

so kelly and i are decorating the tree, all innocent and christmas-y. i look up at the tv and, “whoa. i think they’re having sex.”

“ha! madonna boobs!”

“okay, i think it’s… no wait, they’re doing it again.”

“ha! madonna boobs!”

“hey jimmy, madonna’s boobs are on tv.”

jimmy responds from the other room where he’s playing WoW (where he’s been for the last month and a half.) “no thanks, i’m good.”

“okay but you’re missing- oh jeez! don’t look!”

“oh my god.”

“ow, that looks-”

“what are we watching?”

“i thought it was a courtroom drama.”

“more like bedroom.”

“more like pornroom.”

minutes later we look back at the tv.

“are they still doing it?”

“i can’t tell. madonna is hanging from the ceiling? why is she-”

“oh for the love!”

“shit!”

“i don’t need that in my head! who needs that in their head? dammit. let’s go across the street and see mom’s christmas tree.”

“okay! good idea!”

so we trek over to see mom’s tree. she’s got the tree up, but no ornaments on it yet. we gab for a bit and decide to go home. mom follows so she can see our tree. we get home and we’re talking about the tree and mom says, “what the hell are you watching?”

“i don’t know, but for a while there willem dafoe and madonna were having sex.”

“yeah.”

“no, i mean, i think they were really doing it.”

“wait, is she-?”

“oh! shit, where’s the remote?!”

“she’s going to-”

“i know! looking! remote!”

“so you and kelly watch porn while jimmy plays on the computer all day long?”

there is no way that movie has a plot.

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the Onion’s in the cradle

Category: dribblings

this is great.

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56. The Shawl by Cynthia Ozick

Category: 50 Books

56. The Shawl by Cynthia Ozick

What a fantastic book! I’m so glad that Gadsden chose this one for the Big Read this time.

I knew it was supposed to be about the Holocaust, but it’s really more about the aftermath. It takes place about 30 years after. Well, there’s two stories really. The first one takes place in the death camp. The second story takes place in Miami, Florida 30 years later.

The first story, The Shawl, takes place in the death camp. It’s very short. The second Story, Rosa, takes place in Miami. It’s longer than The Shawl, but it too is pretty short. They are both written in a really neat way. It’s not like straight linear storytelling, but the stories are told in glimpses and feelings and rage and letters. It was an amazing read and I’d recommend it to everyone.

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oh those ‘rents.

Category: Uncategorized

this evening i was at mom and dad’s house. this is how it went down:

dad: hey, there’s a grandmother clock for sale in the paper.

me: oh yeah?

dad: what’s the difference between a grandfather clock and a grandmother clock?

mom: tits.

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nerdvember 28, 2008

Category: dribblings

i hope you guys had a great Thanksgiving. we did. it was delicious.

now on with the show. The Jaimie Is So Awesome Show.
remember the awesome nursey i painted that time? and the trash can? well, they called back. because they are my friends and they know the awesomeness that abounds. heh, okay, enough of the horn tooting. anyway, their sweet wittle fweegan is having her first birthday this weekend and they wanted a banner made for it. the birthday theme is Goodnight Moon. aw.

it’s a sweet book, but it’s also a strange book. i guess it’s not really that strange, but maybe if you’re an artistic type and you notice things in illustrations more than say, a small child, the book may also seem strange to you as well. the strangeness is in the details. the clocks sort of keep time and the moon moves higher in the sky. the illustrations get darker. but the weirdest thing to me is the book on the nightstand by the bed? is Goodnight Moon. so it’s a bit House of Leaves-y in that way. and the little rabbit kinda looks mean.

but anyway, my friend, she says she wants a Goodnight Moon birthday banner for her daughter. so what could i do? say no?

i wish.

me? i know a lot of artists. i know a lot of really great artists. but sometimes? i’m the only artist that someone else knows.

so i found a pic online. and i printed it out in b/w cos i don’t have a color printer at home. then i cut down a huge piece of canvas i had. and i quartered the picture and quartered the canvas to make it easier to sketch out. the left hand quarter is where the birthday message would go. that way i wouldn’t have to paint the rug.

then i started blocking in the colors on the big stuff. kelly also helped with this. also, this was my table cloth for three weeks. so under all the paint is food stains and several wine rings. booyeah!


mmmm, coffee.


adding some details.

normally this would not have taken me three weeks to finish, but every time dad found out i that i had a day off and planned to work on this, he would be all, “i’ll be damned.” and he would make me go and paint at this other house. then we’d come home from working at this house all day and we HAD to drink brown party liquor cos that’s what house painters DO, so then i’d be too “tired” to work on it in the evenings. so i blame him and tequila for me not finishing this thing in a week.

then i asked laura “font mistress” catoe to find a font that would be AWESOME for the banner. and she did. because that’s what she does.

and then i painted the letters a light yellow.

then to add more background color:

i couldn’t take a picture of the whole thing on the table because it was so big (slightly bigger than 6’x4′) so i had to roll it out on the kitchen floor and stand on a chair.

things i do not like about the illustration:
1. the carpet and the bed are both red and the colors touch and that is such a dumb idea.

2. all the red and green. my god, it’s a complementary color eye rape. bah.

things i like about it:
1. i gave it a yellow border to echo the the pictures on the walls that have yellow frames. i was going to take a scissors and sort of scallop the edges on the the painting as well, but i didn’t.

2. i set the two clocks to 11:29 because that’s Lilly’s birthday.

tatdow!

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Nerdvember 20, 2008

Category: dribblings

i think i mentioned somewhere on this thing, or maybe Twitter, this particular thing, but i can’t get it out of my head. and now, once a day i replay the convo in my head and come up with responses to the guy that i should have said. do you ever do that?

so this guy comes in and he picks out a couple of books and i don’t even pay attention to what they are. he says to me he says, “i’m having to branch out of my regular reading material.”

so i play along because it’s rude not to, “oh yeah? what’s your usual?”

“the Civil War.”

there’s a ton of guys who come in and mainly checkout books on the Civil War. i get the feeling that they know a lot about the Civil War but that maybe, possibly, they haven’t actually learned anything from it. if you know what i mean.

i don’t much care to read about the Civil War, but I do like reading about Abraham Lincoln. in fact, i was excited when i kept hearing the media mention Team of Rivals by DKG (and comparing it to Obama’s cabinet. except now that he’s picking people i don’t see the comparison.) because it’s such an interesting book about Lincoln’s cabinet members. honestly, it’s not as boring as it sounds. S’anyway, Honest Abe and his crazy face, there are no shortage of books on him.

i say to the guy, “well, if you’re tired of reading about battles and things, we’ve a new book on Lincoln that came in yesterday.”

that guy gives me a dirty look and says, “Lincoln was an idiot!” with such venom in his voice! and he took his books and left. and i just stood there, shocked, mouth open. and i just wish i would have called him on it to explain what the hell he was talking about because hello, Lincoln an idiot? i’ve never heard ANYONE say something like that before about Lincoln. who says something like that?

that junk has been bothering me for days.

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