October 2007 50 Books

Category: 50 Books

45. – 50. James Patterson’s Number Series 1st to Die, 2nd Chance, 3rd Degree, 4th of July, 5th Horseman, and 6th Target

These are the Women’s Murder Club books. They are written by James Patterson and one other author (it’s different ones for different books) which makes me believe that James Patterson doesn’t actually do shit any more. He just sits back, has these new authors write his books for him, he puts his name in big writing and their name in little writing, and then rakes in the cash. I’m not saying the writing is bad or anything, in fact the stories are pretty good for typical crime thrillers.

I read these when I heard they were coming out with a TV series about them. I wanted to be prepared. I shouldn’t have bothered because naturally they changed a ton of stuff for TV. Still, I was glad to have a new series to read and it was just enough to get me to 50 books for the year.

The series is about Det. Lindsey Boxer of the San Franciso PD and her 3 pals who also work on crime. There’s the M.E., the D.A., and the perky reporter. The books are formulaic, but still enjoyable. Except for book 3. Damn you, James Patterson and whatever other author minion of yours wrote that. How dare you kill her off like that. And worst, WORST of all?! It adds NOTHING to the damn book AT ALL, her death. hate.

The series on the whole is entertaining enough and it’s not bogged down with too much forensic junk. easy read.

44. The Sharing Knife: Beguilement book 1 : by Lois McMaster Bujold

I’m not one for fantasy fiction, right? (I mean fantasy involving magic and love and junk like that.) But I can ALWAYS get into one of her books. This is the first book of the series, and we have book 2 at the library, but i’ve been waiting to read it next year when (i think) book three comes out. basically a farm girl gets tangled up with some adventure guy and they save the world together. well, they haven’t saved the world yet (i’m sure that happens in the next books), but they do fall in love, of course…this is after all LMB.

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10.02.07

Category: dribblings

have you clicked your dailyhttp://www.thebreastcancersite.com click yet?
well, do it! if they get so many clicks in october then something happens. but i won’t tell you what it is cos you can find out if YOU JUST GO CLICK ALREADY.

is laura not the bomb? thanks laura, for the awesome breast cancer ribbon toting fleegan. i think you rule.  

***

liz also rules even though she wouldn’t sign my CD. gah, wait till i write that book i’ve always threatened to write…and we’ll see if she gets a signed copy of that.

***

in an effort to remind myself AND YOU to click the breast cancer link EVERY DAY i’m going to blog every day this month.

why are you laughing? i can do this. yes i can. oh sure i work three jobs and volunteer and i’m remodeling a house and trying to get another house ready to sell and there’s the knitting and the reading and the occassional episode of Law and Order and the drinking alone with all my shame and the drinking with friends which is less shameful and there’s at least one meal a day if not more and the sleeping and wouldn’t it be nice to put some sex somewhere in there?
i’ve time to blog. TONS!

***

things i did today:
coffee klatch with mom and the girls
finished painting a fancy bathroom in east gadsden
ate lunch with Popsicle
bought paint for the RBC house
put the second coat of paint on the living room walls of the RBC house
caulked some more paneling
shower
went to the bar to hear liz sing

mr. fleegan and i split a pitcher of Sam Adams Oktoberfest this evening. i said to chris, “this tastes just like all the other sam adams beer i’ve ever had.” which offended chris because he was able to actually taste autumn in his pitcher. but what do you expect of me? i’m the cheapy who drinks miller high life light…out of a can.

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10.01.07

Category: dribblings

one of my buddies sent me a link:

http://www.thebreastcancersite.com

and apparently if you click on it and then click the giant pink button, it helps them give away free mamograms to low income women. i don’t know if it’s true or not, but it seems like a really lousy thing to lie about. so click on it just in case.

hey LBC. you think you can make me a breast cancer fleegan (er, just a fleegan with a pink bonnet…not with a picture of cancer or anything) for the month of october…and i’ll change the color of the site to pink too? won’t that be neat?

***

so today i went to mom’s house for lunch and she says to me she says, “hey, i was going to run by the library today.”

“oh yeah? whatcha need…i’ll pick it up for you?”

“you guys have any Judy Blume books?”

HA! ha ha ha ha ha.

then, i get back to the ‘brary after lunch and there’s Mr. Finlayson and he’s all, “I just came by to see of you had any Judy Blume books…”

i know! then we riffed on the AR program because of how bad it is.

and i’ve heard from a couple of other people about that lady and i’m SO GLAD you guys are on my side about the whole thing. because i was snotty to her and i felt a bit guilty about being so short with her because, duh, i’m working with the public here, the patrons can’t all be intelligent beings like you guys. laura even said that she hated that lady for me. that made me feel good, cos laura usually doesn’t hate people.

and not all of the “lacking” patrons are so hard to help, and sometimes they are the most appreciative when you help them. like today for instance, a lady came in and said she had her resume’ on a diskette but she didn’t know how to “get it on paper.”

“it’s on this diskette?” i asked.

“yes.”

“and you…”want it on paper”?”

“yes.”

i was so curious as to how she got her resume’ on the disk seeing as how she held the disk like it was a completely foreign and possibly priceless artifact (much like how i hold a gun, huh uncle dan?). so i had to ask.

“did you put the resume’ on the disk?”

“no! a friend did it for me.”

“oh. okay. and you’re sure it’s on here?”

“pretty sure. can you put it on paper?”

a few clicks here a few clicks there…

“yes, yes i can.”

and i printed it out for her and she thought i was an amazing genius. she gave me accolades for basically opening a file and clicking a picture of a printer…like at McDonald’s how they press a picture of a hamburger.

now that? that i can work with. but insisting that there must be more Judy Blume books for 5th graders? i can’t go for that. no. no can do.

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9.30.06

Category: dribblings

updates: i finally finished the two jobs that were killing me. i now get a whole week “off”. not. i’ll be working in the office at the HCH this coming week. so’s there’s no painting on my schedule…just old people. come by, we’ll do lunch.

kitty business: the kitty cat either ran away or was picked up by someone else. i’m thinking someone picked it up because it was hanging around the house quite loyally until poof, gone. it disappeared the day i was supposed to take it to the vet. convenient for me, huh? i had to call the vet’s all, “hey, i’ve an appointment for 3pm…but the thing is…i can’tfindthegodamcatanywherei’msosorryi’musuallynotthisflaky. sorry!” i’m sure it happens all the time.
suuurrrrrre it does, jaimie.

the only bad thing is i think that my friends all think that i secretly took the kitty to the pound or to have it killed or whatnot. when i told them about it liz gave chris the look of “we should’ve taken the kitty. we knew jaimie would screw this up. she has a heart of stone. we knew this. we knew that her capacity to care for more than books and cartoons was nil. and yet, we left her in charge of a sweet kitty. we are fools.”

and he returned her look with one that said, “the situation is highly regretable. it seems to me we had no choice but to trust in the Lord Almighty and if He saw fit to trust jaimie with a precious, starving kitten, who are we to question? although it makes one wonder just what in hell God was thinking.”

which is strange because chris is usually pretty expressionless.

television update: he couldn’t even wait a full week before having the cocking cable company over for coffee, snacks, and to install some kind of high definition mumbo-jumbo complete with a ti-faux thing that supposedly records shows i want to see. he tells me this only costs an extra $5 a month.

because i was born last night.

with no brain.

i’ve suppressed my rage into a mr. fleegan shaped tumor in my head (right next to the one shaped like a cellphone) because, “hey,” i thought, “i can record Monty Python and not have to stay up after midnight to watch it. i can watch it WHEN. I. WANT.”
RESULT!

how bad can this machine be?

so. what did it record?
well, it started recording in the mibble of Vicar of Dibley. yes, the MIDDLE. and then it stopped recording 5 minutes into Monty Python.

“jimmy. give me one reason why i shouldn’t kill this damn thing right now. why? why do we need digital damn high def blah blah cork soaking cable in the bedroom where we can’t even show the actual people we entertain in the actual room we entertain them in with this complete wonderful suckfest that is this shitball machine. one. one reason.”

“look at the clarity on this. it’s like we’re there,” he says.

“*sigh* do we at least get the National Geographic channel? BBC?”

“yeah.”

“we do?!”

he scrolls through the channels.

“wait! is that….music channels?”

“yeah, they always throw it in; it’s lame.”

“showtunes. put it on showtunes!”

“they don’t have showtunes on this…”

“45 damn digital radio stations? they sure as shit have showtunes.”

“no they don-“

“ha! showtunes!”

“*groans* oh no.”

that’s right. force your expensive, nonnecessary televised techno-geekery on me will you? i’ll make you suffer with showtunes and the beeb. have at you!

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9.30.07

Category: dribblings

i updated the fiddy, but was not able to write all of my “reviews”. sorry, but i’m still working a lot and the RBC house is still there with work needing to be done and i’m just too tired to write anything else.

i love you.

***

the Judy Blume Lady came back to the library on saturday. she tossed the Little House book on the desk in front of me and said, “i told you she wouldn’t like it.”

this? this pissed me off. she tossed the book. it hit the desk. loud. and it startled me. cos i was typing up new applications and i did not see her approach the desk. and then? to be all, “i told you…” well that did not go over well with me. so what did i do?

i just looked at her. didn’t say a thing.

so she says, “she just really likes those Judy Blume books.”

“…”

“if there was just some book or some way you could look up books that are like Judy Blume books…”

“do you have the internet at home?”

“yes.”

“then you can look up what books are similar to Judy Blume’s books. and? i also suggest that you bring your daughter to the library next time so she can choose her own books.”

yes, i was that snotty. i’m not helping this woman ever again.

so she leaves and comes back an hour later with her daughter. and she marches up to the desk with a Betsy Byars book.

“the internet says Betsy Byars is like Judy Blume!”

“…does it.”

“yeah, have you ever heard of Betsy Byars?”

“um, are you sure that’s a level 5 book?”

she says to the daughter, “tell her you hated that other book.”

the daughter says, “i only read 6 pages of it.”

that’s it. i’m out. i’m pretty certain the book they checked out wasn’t a 5th grade book…more like 3rd or 4th, but screw it. i’m done with that lady.

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September 2007 50 Books

Category: 50 Books

43. An Ice Cold Grave by Charlaine Harris

Uh. Mah. Gah.

Yes, this is book three of the Grave Series. And like I mentioned back in January (after reading books 1 and 2) about the step bro and sis having the godless sex?
Well, I was right.

Don’t read this shit. Gross Out City. Because not only do they have the sexing, but it is described in more detail than I’d ever care to hear about. She describes his penis. It has a curve to it. It was not important that I know that. That fact was not helpful to the book in any way. And now? NOW?

I can’t help but think of the Great Gonzo.

So not only am I grossed out by Greg and Marsha Brady getting it on with his scoliosis wang, but I can’t even look at Gonzo anymore.

42. Deenie by Judy Blume

41. Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret. by Judy Blume

So this is the one about starting your period. When I read this as a kid I could not relate AT ALL to Margaret because:

A. My friends and I never talked about starting our periods and

B. I didn’t want my period and was dreading the day I’d start because it seemed so gross, and I was not such a fan of pain back then and the cramps…they scared me.

So when I read about a girl who was praying to God to please not let her be the last person in her class to get her period I was not impressed. There’s that, and the fact that the book was quite old and when she described the pads it was the old fashioned kind with the belt, and that only confused me. Child of the ’80s here, sorry.

But this time when I read it I was shocked that the book was not really about a girl getting her period…that part of the book was only 20% of the plot. Nay, the book is mainly about Margaret (who’s moved to a new area) trying to fit in and grow up in a new school. But the thing that shocked me most was that I totally forgot that Margaret was trying to figure out if she was Jewish or Christian, and that she prays to God all the time.

(When I was a kid I had no idea that Jews and Christians were different, I thought that Jews were people from Israel. Right, so, shut up I was in 5th grade, okay?)

Anyway the book was great and I wish I had read it again in 7th grade cos maybe then I would have enjoyed it a lot more.

40. Everything I Needed to Know About Being a Girl I Learned From Judy Blume by A Bunch of Women Authors

This book was awesome as it’s a bunch of women authors (most of which i’ve read a book or two of theirs) and they all wrote essays about how much reading Judy Blume books affected their life. or effected. nope, it’s affected. If you’re a chick who’s ever read Judy Blume or really, if you’re just a chick, you should give this book a shot. It’s cool.

Also, it’s inspired me to go back and read some of the JB books that I read as a kid. Why? Because most of these women went back and read their favorite JB book and were amazed at how different the book is to their older self. That, and they’re easy reads, AND hey, pad the numbers!

39. Finn by John Clinch
What a great idea for a book! It’s about Huck Finn’s dad, Pap. Remember him from Twain’s The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn? Remember how he was a bad guy who kidnaps Huck from the Widow Douglas because Huck and his buds found all that Indian gold in that cave that time? So pap kidnaps him to get the money? And he was going to kill him? Remember that?

Well, in this book? That was like, the least of this guy’s crimes. The whole time I was reading this I was all, “Oh man, this guy is the devil. I wonder what he’ll do next….OH DAMN! He’s evil! HE couldn’t possibly do anything else- YOU ARE KIDDING ME! How come no one has killed this guy yet?! …OH NO WAY!” I couldn’t stop reading this even though I wanted to because Pap Finn was so despicable. Plus some of the reviews I read mentioned a surprise ending. Now while I would say that the ending was a surprise, it wasn’t however, a shock in anyway. The ending didn’t come out of left field or anything. So while I liked the ending, I guess I was waiting for something bizarre and shocking to happen.

The first really annoying thing about this book was the dialogue. It was so annoying in fact, that if I had not been so curious about finding out what happens at the end, I would have stopped reading this book very early on because the dialogue was so ridiculous. First of all, when the people talk to each other they only say three or four words per sentence. It was so choppy that I hated all the “talking” parts. Secondly, the phrase, “I know it.” was used approximately 900,000 times. So the dialogue was for shit.

The second really annoying thing was that the chapters were not in chronological order. Which would not have been so bad if there had been a way to actually tell that. But there wasn’t. So half way through a bit I’d be all, “What the hell? Is this the past? Shit.”

So really, the only good things about this book are:
A. the idea behind it (a book about Pap Finn and what made him so bad.)

B. all the bad things he did. man, was he bad.

I wish the dialogue and the chronology hadn’t been so painful, because it would’ve been so awesome.

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9.26.07

Category: dribblings

my right eye has been twitching for days. is that a signifier for stress? nah, couldn’t be. what’ve i got to be stressed about?

it’s probably too much caffeine.

**

i think i know why i’ve been so bitchy lately…i noticed the gigrando full moon…i’m thinking it’s PMS.

**

the full moon has brought out the DAs to the ‘brary and the idiotas to the car drivers in the opposite lane. i’ve been nearly side swiped 3 times this week. and no, i’m not the one too close to the yellow line. my car is completely within my lane, i assure you.

the library shenanigans has been on. i’ve lied to two people this week. i’ve had to deal with two very dense individuals and my only course of action was to lie. one was a guy on the phone who would not understand that he could NOT buy our Hardy Boys books.

“hey, i seen on your sign you got a booksale going on?”

“yes sir.”

“you sellin’ any Hardy Boys books?”

“no sir, we don’t usually have many kids books in the sale.”

“well do you know if there’s any Hardy Boys books for sale?”

“….there are no Hardy Boys books for sale.”

“in your booksale?”

“none. for sale. if you have a library card with us you can check out some Hardy Boys books.”

“well, that’s just as good!”

“…is it?” (i’m wincing here.)

“how many do you have?”

“how many…Hardy Boys books do we have?”

“yeah! i’m lookin’ for about 50 of them.”

“do you have a library card with us?”

“no, how do you get one?”

i tell him what he needs to bring. that part is boring so why write the dialogue for that.

“so how many Hardy Boys books do you think you have?”

“we have… all of them.”

now, we’ve like, 5 shelves full of Hardy Boys, right? i’m sure we don’t have all of them, but at the same time, how could we not have all them?

“you have them all?!”

“yes. yes we do.”

“really?”

“mhmm.”

“i’ve looked all over Gadsden and couldn’t find nowhere that had them.”

“no kidding.”

“i even tried the internet.”

“you…couldn’t find them on the internet?”

“not on ebay.”

“did you try amazon?”

“no. i guess i could try there though.”

“that would be a good idea.”

“‘k thanks!”

the other lie i told was to a lady whom i never should have attempted to help in the first place for these reasons:

1. she was an idiot, and it was obvious right away.

2. she was picking out books for her daughter to read for school, and she did not have her daughter with her. and it “gets my goat” (and trust you me, you do NOT want to get MY goat. you dirty goat getters.) when parents, usually it’s moms, come in and pick out books for their kids. hey, i know it’s not always convenient to take your children with you out in public, i get that, but when it’s to get books for them to read? either

A. ask them what they want before you leave or

B. have some kind of idea about what your kid is into or

C. hey, wouldn’t it be novel if you brought your kid with you and had them pick out what they want to read, you stupid idiot lady who has obviously never read a book in her life.

3. i’ve been a little pissy lately so maybe i shouldn’t have tried to help the stupid woman.

so here’s how it all went down and i lied to a stranger:

lady comes in, right? and she comes up to the desk and says, “my daughter has read ALL the Judy Blume books you have, and she did really well on the AR tests for those. but y’all don’t have any more Judy Blume books. so is there any other books like Judy Blume books that she could read?”

i say, “that’s a very good question.” because it is. Ms. Blume is awesome at writing for kids. awesome. but right off hand i couldn’t think of any other kids’ books about starting your period, masturbation, pain-in-the-ass siblings, divorced/dead parents, moving to a new school, being kinda jewish, or losing your virginity. sorry, i just couldn’t think of a single other author who’s written anything like that. in fact, i still can’t. what can you say, Judy Blume is one of a kind.

“are you sure she’s read them all? we’ve tons of those.”

“yes. she’s read all of them. and she was able to comprehend them and she did so well on the tests. she’s reading at a 5th grade level, you know.”

“oh? what grade is she in?”

“she’s in 5th grade.”

the hell? is she bragging that her 5th grader is reading at a 5th grade level?

isn’t she supposed to be? am i missing something?

 

so my coworker says, “what about beverly cleary?”

and the lady is all, “she read those last year.”

plus, most of the cleary books are for younger kids. this girl is in 5th grade and has to read books worth at least 5 points and no more than 6.2. the AR program is worthless and everyone hates it, but what are you gonna do?

so then we suggest Nancy Drew because most of the Nancys are 5th grade level, and i know, weren’t we all reading those in 2nd grade? so i take the lady to the stacks to show her the Nancy Drew books and she asks, “why do you think Nancy Drew?”

“what do you mean?”

“is Nancy Drew like Judy Blume?”

“um, …no? what?”

“why did that lady suggest Nancy Drew?”

“because it’s the same level as the Judy Blume books your daughter read so the comprehension should be the same.”

“but are they the same kind of books?”

“well, no. Judy Blume writes about… growing up and the Nancy Drews are mysteries, is that what you mean?”

“then why do you think my daughter would like Nancy Drew books when she likes Judy Blume books?”

keeeeee-rist.

“how do you know she won’t? i like both of them. everyone likes Nancy Drew. didn’t you?”

“i don’t remember those books.”

at this point i’m doubting that the lady even knows how to read. also at this point she is going through the binder of her daughter’s school to see what point value the AR books have. the books listed are of course, listed in alpha order by the author’s last name. i’m certain you can see where this is going.

“i promise you, lots of girls read Nancy Drew. we check them in and out every day. just pick one and if your daughter likes it, just think, there’s 200 of them to choose from! she’ll have enough to last her her whole 5th grade year! and check it out, they’ve even written new ones so your daughter won’t have to read the ones from the ’30s that we read, Nancy’s got a computer and stuff now.”

“i can’t find Nancy Drew in this list anywhere! maybe she’s not on the AR list.”

“she’s on the AR list. are you-“

“there’s nothing under Drew!”

*sigh* “Nancy Drew is the character.”

“she didn’t write her own books?”

“…no ma’am. Carolyn Keene is the name of-“

“she really likes the Judy Blume books though.”

“i understand that. i’m trying to help you find other books that are at your daughter’s reading level. if you don’t want to try a Nancy Drew book, and i don’t know why you wouldn’t, what harm could there be? you might try some of the Little House books. i know most of them are fairly easy, but i think she wrote a couple for older kids.”

“oh! Little House! my other daughter loved those!”

“well good. let’s see if-“

“now who wrote those i wonder?”

“i believe it was little Laura Ingalls-“

“oh yeah! i loved that show!”

“…Wilder. Half pint wrote the books.”

“really? wait, there’s no Ingalls in here.”

“that’s because she married Almanzo Wilder.”

“what?”

“it’s Laura Ingalls Wilder.”

(and i just want you guys to know, i’ve only seen 3 episodes of that show in my life, and i’ve never read the books. but even i know who the hell half pint married, sheezus.)

“just like in the show!”

“just like.”

i go and get one of the books that’s level 5 and the lady says, “oh no, that book is too thick.”

“well it’s…i mean, the letters are nearly an inch tall here. it looks big but it’s really-“

“no, she’ll never want to read that with it so big and all.”

“but it’s not really that-“

“she won’t read it.”

so now i’m tired of dealing with Miss Unhelpable, and i’ve already spent too much time trying to help a lady who obviously doesn’t think my advice is worthwhile, so i start to say something like, “i’ll leave you to it. i’ve got to get back to the desk.”

but she says, “i just wish there were more Judy Blume books she could read.”

a little part of me dies inside. and i actually turn into the Incredible Hulk, and i crush her skull and smash her into the proverbial smithereens. well, not really, it was more like an Ally McBeal moment. but i am seething because: dead horse beating going on over here.

so i says to her i says, “look. Judy Blume is dead. She won’t be writing any more kids books, okay? you need to move on, and pick something else out for your daughter or better yet, let her come pick out something.”

and i left her in the stacks lamenting the death of Judy Blume.

only, the thing is?

Judy Blume isn’t actually dead. in fact, she has a blog.

Dear Judy Blume,

Hi. Yesterday I told a lady you were dead. I’m sorry. I know it’s rude to lie, and it’s horrible that I lied about something like death, but I think that given the circumstances you wouldn’t mind too much. Besides, I’m certain that if that lady knew what it was you actually wrote about she’d be one of those crazy bitches who’d try to ban your books.

Anyway, sorry about the lie.

Love,

Jaimie

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9.25.07

Category: dribblings

the RBC house is coming along faster than i thought it would. i’m already picking out paint colors. it’s weird to pick out paint colors for your own house. at least, it is to me. i’m usually helping people pick out colors for their houses. and by “helping” i mean that they say, “what about this color?”

and i say, “mhmm, that’s a color.”

and they say, “ooh, look at this one, what do you think?”

and i say, “that is pretty. isn’t it.”

because the reality of it is i don’t give a rat’s ass what color you want. i just want you to pick one out so i can put it on your wall and you can pay me money to do it. now, if you’re a friend, i take more time if you’re concerned about colors. really i do. seriously. like just last night i helped Flippy with her colors. but she had half the battle won already cos she knew what colors she wanted…it was the shades of color i helped out with. so no biggie, that one. and? she wasn’t all dramatic about it like some people are. my god, some people are like, “but what if it’s too green?”

“well, if it’s too green i suppose the world will stop spinning and the earth will pretty much die. quite the predicament. if only it were possible to paint over something that’s already been painted.” feh.

and the ones that haven’t picked out a color kill me. i mean, shouldn’t you pick out your damn paint BEFORE you hire the housepainter? i’m not an interior designer.(and i tell people that all the time.) i’m the labor. the grunt. would you ask the mexican guy who’s painting your house what color he thinks would look good? hmm? would you? because i think you’re asking me because i’m a girl.

and, and, AND? on the occassions where i do try and help the helpless with their paint choices? they NEVER take my advice anyway. it’s like, “jaimie, can you come over again and look at these paint swatches and help me pick one again and i promise this time i’ll really pick one?”

“sure. you should totally use the reddish one in a flat for this room. no doubt.”

“okay. thanks.”

then? when i get there to paint? “jaimie, i called a friend and she said to get the yellowy one in an eggshell so that’s what i got. what do you think?”

i think you’re a goddam retard, but as long as you’re paying me i don’t care if i’m painting your walls with hot dog mustard and exorcism vomit.

***

ooh, venty wasn’t i?

***

for the last two weeks we’ve been working on the RBC house everyday either after work, in my case before work, and of course on the weekends. things are really moving and it’s terrifying because: no money. feh.

the sad part is i’ve only seen jimmy for like, an hour a day. i’ll see him ten minutes in the morning and then i’ll see him at home for 40 minutes before we go to sleep. so we’ve been communicating through notes we leave each other on the couch by his laptop.

and at first, the notes were cutesy. like a typical note from me would be:

dear boba fett,

after work i’m going to finish taking down the paneling at the other house. i hope you have an awesome day and i can’t wait to see you later! i miss you already!

love,

mrs. fett

after a while it was more like:

Crazy J,

i’m getting off early and i’ll be at the house working. i got some prices on plywood, they’re on the table. there’s pizza in the ‘fridge!

love,

jamoo

now it’s more like:

hey,

i’m at the house. no dinner tonight. you need to call the lumber yard, and put the laundry that’s in the washer in the dryer, okay?

see ya

pretty soon it’ll be:

hey, 

we need milk and beer.
i’ll see you sometime in…2008.

me

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9.19.07

Category: dribblings

today i met my new Conversation Partner. i can’t remember if i’ve blogged about the CP program before so lemme ‘splain real quicklike what that is. the local jr. college (are they still called jr. colleges?) has an international student program and there are loads of foreign students. so the Conversation Partner program is a deal where people from the community volunteer to talk to a student for an hour a week so’s they can practice their english. it’s really awesome. this is my fourth or fifth semester to do it. it’s really hard for me to do it during the summer months, but during the regular semester it’s somehow easier.


this time my CP is a cool russian chick named alice. her english is better than the other CPs i’ve had, but i’m not sure if it’s just that it’s easier to understand her accent, see, the last two years i’ve had mostly asian students and lemme tell ya, sometimes their accent was quite a challenge. hee, there were times when i would ask the students to repeat something 4 times, then it was, “can you spell that? ….heh, no….not out loud…on paper.”


anyway, alice is learning many different languages so she can go back to her country and be a translator for some kind of international company. doesn’t that sound like a cool and interesting job? you’d get to meet so many people! and you’d be crazy important to the company!


wish i had thought of that 10 years ago.


speaking of translators, here’s a clip from the Catherine Tate Show (i love this show so hard) it’s her character “helen” who is notorious for trying to be helpful but not knowing how to do the things she always says she can do.


 


i love catherine tate. she’s amazing at accents and characters. another of her characters is this couple where the lady comes home and tells her husband about the “crazy” things that happened to her that day. they’re always normal things but they act like they’re the most hilarious things ever. here’s my favorite:


 


and this stand alone sketch kills me:


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9.17.07

Category: dribblings

mr. fleegan and i saw The Brave One last night. it was…well, it was a movie. and i hate movies. but it had jodie foster in it. so it couldn’t be too bad, right?

well. it depends if you like movies that make sense. it just wasn’t very believable.

women typically don’t become serial killers after a tragedy, y’know? and vigilante justice? we’re just not wired that way. especially older women. and let’s face it, jodie foster is getting older. that her fiance gets killed by some punks is really sad and terrible and life changing sure, but no way she’s going to go out and buy a gun and start patrolling the streets at night and killing bad guys. it doesn’t happen. now a guy? sure. guys are like that. kill someone they love and something snaps in guys.

and i get it, someone wants to remake Death Wish only with a chick instead. okay sure. go with that. but don’t cast jodie foster for that. you need a crazy badass for that. get angelina jolie or uma thurman. jodie foster is Nell for crying outs, not charles effin’ bronson.

also, i think some of the dialogue was written by 8th grade boys. nothing against 8th grade boys, mind. i’m just saying. at one point i looked over at mr. fleegan and said, “did she just say, “who’s the bitch now?””

the title makes no sense. who is the Brave One? i don’t know. bad title. a better title would be No Way, or maybe Things Not Likely To Happen.

and has something happened to jodie foster’s voice? why is she whispering everything? that is super annoying. unless of course she’s got a voice problem, then it’s sad. but if it’s being done for dramatice purposes…or to hide her accent…it’s lame.

it’s sad to me because i generally like her movies. i’m probably the only person who liked Flightplan. i thought she was a very clever choice for the evil Madeline White in Inside Man. i mean, JF as a bad guy? no way! but she WAS a bad guy. a really bad guy. and it worked! but this movie? with the shooting and the whispering and the worthless dialogue? feh. i expected better.

still, there are a couple parts worth seeing. so rent it. or wait for it to show on LifetimeTelevisionforWomen. but they’ll edit out the swear words. and that’s no fun.

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