‘brary blog part XXIISSIPPI

Category: dribblings

yesterday at work the phone rang and i was closest to it and i answered it and 20 minutes later i hung up exhausted. things to explain: our liberry has two genealogical internet whatsits, Heritage Quest Online and Ancestry.com Library edition. to use Ancestry.com you have to use one of our computers at the library. Heritage Quest has an in library link and also a remote access link you can use at your home computer if you have a library card with us.

the caller is female and approximately 4,000 years old.

“this is Jaimie, how my i help you?”

“hi. i called yesterday.”

“okay.”

“and someone helped me.”

“… right.”

“i’m trying to find a page of the 1880 census.”

of course. “all right.”

“and yesterday they told me i needed my library number.”

“do you have that number?”

“yes, but today the computer isn’t asking me for my number.”

“it’s not?”

“no. and i can’t find anything.”

“okay. first, you are a patron of our library? you have one of our cards?”

i have to ask this because you’d be surprised at how many calls we get from people in Wisconsin and Arizona and all over who try to use the the link and call us telling up it doesn’t work and after 8 minutes of walking them through something they finally say, “oh i’m not a member of your library. i live in Racine.” and the like.

“oh yes. i have my card right here.”

“okay. are you on the library’s website?”

“no i’m at double u, double u, double u, dot heritage underline quest dot….”

“okay, let’s go back to the library website.”

“but that means i’ll have to start all over.”

“i know, but it’s the only way i can see what you’re seeing.”

“okay. hold on.”

then she spells out the whole library address to me as she types it. “…. dot o r g. is that right?”

“yes ma’am. you’ve got it.”

“there it is again.”

“great. see the blue box on the left? and the Heritage quest link?”

“yes. i’m not very good at this.”

“just click the Heritage quest link.”

“okay. now it says heritage quest at the top? it’s says, “what is heritage quest?””

“that’s right. you’ll need to click the big link that says Heritage Quest Remote Access.”

she doesn’t click remote access. she clicks the the “in library” link. it doesn’t work. because she’s NOT IN THE LIBRARY. there was much discussion here that i’m omitting. if you can believe it.

“okay, can you go back to the library page?”

“yes. i can. hold on though i’m not good at this.”

“you’re doing fine.”

“okay. i’m at the library page.”

“okay. click the Heritage Quest link on the left…”

“okay now i’m back to that page.”

“great! THIS time i want you to be sure to ONLY click the big link that says remote access okay?”

“okay, but i still don’t know why. i’m not IN the library.”

“trust me. you click that and it’s going to ask you for your library number. i promise.”

“it worked! it’s asking for my number!”

“great!”

“but you hold on, i want you to make sure i get the 1880 census.”

“okay. has the site loaded?”

“yes. i see it.”

“good. click the search census link.”

“okay. i did.”

“fantastic. now you can type in the name and date of the person you’re looking for.”

“okay. the surname is Ledbetter. and the given name is William Cane- there’s a box in the corner telling me that this computer is scanned and that it’s safe to download from ProQuest.”

“… okay, just ignore that box.”

“should i download ProQuest?”

“what? no. ignore that box.”

“but what does that mean?”

i don’t know!   “it just means that your computer has scanned the Heritage Quest site and it didn’t find any viruses. and it’s letting you know it’s a safe site to visit.”

“do i download it?”

“no! no downloading. just ignore that box and maybe it’ll go away.”

“well, all right.”

“have you typed in the name and chosen the census date?”

“yes. Ledbetter is the surname.”

now, i’ve already typed in the name (leaving out Cane) and i’ve found a list of william ledbetters. she has looked up the name and found zero results. i spend approx. 8 lightyears explaining that she needs to leave out the middle name. i ask her what county he lived it, she tells me and i find the guy. or so i thought.

“okay, ma’am. i’ve found him, would he have been about 9 years old?”

“what?! no no no! he would have been in his eighties. he died when he was 84.”

“oh.” dammit. we were so close. so i go back and try the 1860 census. and i find him. it lists him as 64 years old. apparently he died before the census taker got to his house in 1880, right?

“okay. ma’am. i’ve found him in the 1860 census.”

“you have! are you sure?”

“yes. it says he’s 64 years old. doesn’t that sound right?”

“oh yes! are you sure it’s him?”

“um, well, what’s his wife’s name?”

“her name was Dorcus.”

okay, now look. i’ve changed the names to protect the innocent, and myself mostly, but she said Dorcus and i’m not changing that because THAT is priceless.

“then this is the guy, his wife is listed as Dorcus.”

“really! oh really!?  you’ve found him?!”

“yes ma’am.”

“and you’re looking at the census page? the actual census page?”

“yes. well, it’s more like a picture of the actual census page. and it’s actually very readable.” a lot of times i can’t read those pages because the people had bad handwriting or the ink has faded. but this one was clear.

“oh! how can i see it?”

“okay, type in the surname but DON’T put his middle name, okay?”

“but how can i get back to that page with the surname?”

“just click the back arrow at the lefthand corner of the screen.”

“i don’t have that.”

“… at the top? where it says file, edit, view… the two arrows above that?”

“i know what you mean, but i only have the forward arrow. i’ve done somthing. oh i’m not very good at this computer. and i don’t have a back arrow anymore.”

ARE YOU KIDDING ME, LORD? SRSLY?

“okay. that’s fine. don’t panic yet.”

“oh this is terrible! i can’t believe you’ve found him! and i can’t see it!”

“calm down. here’s what i need you to do.”

“okay.”

“look down at your key board. do you see the space bar?”

“yes.”

“great. do you see the key next to it that has ALT on it?”

“yes, i see it.”

“good. now, do you see the arrow keys on the right…. the up, down, left, right?”

“yes.”

“okay. all you need to do is press the ALT key and hold it down and then press the left arrow key once. that should take you back one screen.”

“okay. hold on.” she sets down the phone. and then she comes back on, “oh no! it just threw me completely out!”

“what? what do you mean?”

“it closed out the internet!”

JESUS H. MCGILLICUTTY. FOR REAL? IS THIS HOW THIS IS GOING DOWN? WE’RE GOING THIS WAY? NAW. NOT THIS WAY. THIS IS NOT THE WAY THAT THIS WAY IS GOING. NO WAY BITCHES, NOT ON MY WATCH. BEFORE I LEAVE TODAY THIS HAG IS GOING TO SEE HER RELATIVE’S NAME ON A “REAL” DAMN PAGE OF A “REAL” DAMN CENSUS BOOK IF I HAVE TO PRINT IT OUT AND CANDYGRAM SNAIL MAIL IT TO HER SWEET LITTLE HOUSE ON RANDOM STREET, SMALLTOWN NOWHERE, ALABAMA 359-OH JUST DIE ALREADY.

“i’m just so sorry! i’m not good at this. i should just let you go.”

“no, no. you are going to see this page.”

“oh i really want to!”

“i know. i want you to. i need you to type in the library site.”

“okay.” 20 seconds. “i’m there.”

“right. then the heritage quest.”

“yes.”

“and make SURE you click REMOTE ACCESS.”

10 seconds. “oh, it’s asking me for my number!” 15 seconds.

“right. then you’ll click search census, remember?”

“yes.”

“let me know when you get to the surname search.” seconds pass.

“okay!”

“great. now remember DO NOT put his middle name okay? you’re just searching for william ledbetter, got it?”

“okay. but his middle name-”

“is not on the census sheet.”

“okay let’s see. oh! there’s lots of results!”

“i know, you want to scroll down and click on the right county.”

“there’s only one in that county.”

“i know. that’s your guy. click on him.”

“oh! i see it! it says he’s 64 years old.”

“that’s right but-”

“but this isn’t the census page!”

” …i know, you see how his last name is a link? click on his last name and that will take you to the page.”

“really? the real census page?”

“yes, it will take a moment to download, but it will. and when you scroll down he’s number 30, and his wife is number 31.”

“i don’t see a number 30. mine doesn’t go to 30.”

“just give it a second to finish downloading-”

“there’s number 30! oh look! it’s his name! and his wife’s name! oh this is wonderful! a real census page!”

“yes ma’am.”

“oh thank you! thank you so much! this is so wonderful!”

“you’re welcome. you have a good day, okay?”

“oh i will! thank you again! good bye!”

i hung up, announced to my coworkers that i got the gold star for that call and then collapsed in a heap of drool and brain leakage that had pooled around my chair.

i’m not a geneaologist. i’m not tech support. i’m not even a sharp dresser. i’m merely a library monkey working a circ. desk at a small town library. and i’m a FUCKING SUPER HERO AT THAT SHIT.

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