ain’t july a mother father?
Category: dribblings
this post is rated ‘R’ for hilarious use of curse words.
this picture was taken with my back turned. i leaned back while i was sitting on the deck, camera behind my shoulder, pointed in the vacinity of KD and snapped the picture. how funny is that?
so my jeep is bleeding antifreeze. every day i have to hose down the driveway so the cats don’t drink it up. and don’t think i haven’t been tempted.
i found where the leak is. there’s two leaks. yes, two separate fucking leaks. of course. one leak, the radiator hose, has gotten much worse since last week. now, when i add the coolant? it just runs right out. looks like the jeep is peeing because it’s a yellow/green color. ain’t that a bitch?
i think that’s the radiator hose? this is taken from underneath the jeep.
so yeah, two leaks. one that streams out of the hose (and i don’t know if you’ve ever seen a cow take a piss? but it’s not unlike that.) and the other that drips like my bathroom fucking faucet.
the good news: i called Chris and got a recipe for a kick ass white russian:
2 parts vodka, 1 part kahlua, 2 parts irish cream.
the bas news: drinking these white russians doesn’t seem to be fixing these leaks.
Dear Liquor,
Get up off that lazy ass and start doing something around here.
No Love,
Jaimie
and speaking of delicious liquor, wouldn’t it be awesome if the liquor store HAD COUPONS? i mean, can a fleegan get a BOGO for some whiskey over here?
MOFO BOGO for the HOHO.
what was i talking about?
oh! yeah!
and then THIS happened. i get in the leaky-ass jeep to go to work and this is right in my sight.
yeah, it’s a wasp. and it has decapitated a caterpillar and is EATING IT ALL OVER MY WINDSHIELD. THE WINDSHEILD I HAD REPLACED LAST JULY. FUCK A BUNCH OF JULY.
this is a bad omen, am i right? i mean, it’s bad luck to see something like this, let alone when it’s on your windshield right where your face is. in some native american cultures? seeing something like this first thing in the morning is grounds for like, i don’t know, smoking indian drugs or something.
i thought wasps ate leaves or flowers or some shit. i didn’t realize they were MURDERERS.
so to reiterate:
two leaks
white russians
liquor store BOGO MOJO
death wasp
fuck a bunch of july
Tags: jeep, july hates me
7 Comments
I’ve never seen a wasp eat a catepillar, how lucky you are. I have seen a wasp, sedate a catepillar (by stinging) then lay it’s eggs in it. The larvae will eat the catepillar when they hatch. It’s like the insect world’s own little version of alien starring Sigourney Wasp.
on a side note – 2 leaks would be very odd without some other contributing factor (ie.. wouldn’t be considered odd if your cooling fan came off and sliced the hoses or if your jeep has been impregnated by a wasp colony and the little wasp larvae bastards are just now eating their way out).
So, Sebella runs in here, “Mommy, why are you laughing? Why are you laughing?” There just are no words………
john, insects ARE like Aliens. and Sigourney Wasp is wearing the smallest pair of panties in the universe. and if a colony of wasps were to eat it’s way out of my jeep i think you’d find me the LAST person to be surprised about it.
jenara, i dunno what to tell you. maybe you could say, “sebella, remember the lady with purple hair? well, she’s cursed. and it’s HILARIOUS!”
you guys, that wasp was FIERCE.
Gah, I am so sorry to laugh at your pain, but you are so hysterically funny during the month of July.
“bad luck just seeing something like that” is from the movie Quick Change! Highly underrated flick.
I’m glad you got a new camera so that you could share this with us.
my july is off to a pretty rough start too
*sigh* justin, you can’t play the July Game.
MY TWO MONTHS BEHIND TWO CENTS
the “mother father” made me think of this. I can watch it 47 times in a row and still laugh just as hard at the first time I saw it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z4t6zNZ-b0A
also, have you seen this?
http://awfullibrarybooks.wordpress.com/