2.28.08

Category: dribblings

i’ve mentioned my conversation partner before, her name is Alice and she is from Russia. most of the time we can talk and never really run into a problem where we can’t understand each other. she speaks english very well and she’s pretty good at figuring out slang. she’s really smart and probably the sweetest person on the planet. i tell you all that to say this: she was talking to some guy, an american, and he told her that he knew all about russian people because he saw a movie about russians. she says to me she says, “have you seen this movie about russian people?”

“i don’t know. i can’t think of any movie about russian people specifically. do you know the name of the movie?”

“yes, he says it is called Boris and Natasha.”

“what?! he told you that? about that movie? i don’t think he was being serious.”

“i got the feeling he was making fun of me.”

“he was probably joking around, but it’s kinda rude what he was implying.”

“so it’s not a movie about russian people?”

“er, no. it’s a silly movie.”

“about russians?”

“well, no…it’s, the main characters are from russia. and-“

“so you have seen this movie?”

“no, i never watched the movie. i did watch- okay, see the characters? from russia? see they were based on cartoon characters.”

“what cartoon?”

“oh hell.”

“what?”

“it’s just, this isn’t going to be pretty.”

“but you will tell me?”

“sure. okay, on this cartoon, called Rocky and Bullwinkle, there were these russian characters, Boris and Natasha.”

“those are very common russian names.”

“yes, i know. it’s part of the… humor. okay, now you HAVE to understand these are very old cartoons. they were popular during the Cold War. understand?”

she gives me a blank look like she’s never even heard of this before.

i say, “at that time school kids, like my mom and dad, were taught that russia was going to blow them up and they would practice hiding from bombs at school.”

she now has a shocked look on her face. i know. it is shocking.

“now come on, you have to have been taught something about this in school.”

she tells me about her grandmother talking about shen she was young and that everything revolved around russia and that your country meant everything to you. but then they learned after Germany… that things changed. i don’t exactly know what she’s talking about.

“okay, so do we really have to talk about this cartoon?”

“yes, i want to know about this.”

“well, these two characters were the… villians. on the show.”

*gasp*

“boris was this short guy and natasha was very tall and skinny. and they would try to steal things? rob banks maybe? i don’t remember anything specific.”

“they were bad? always?”

“yeah but, it gets worse.”

a pained look on her face, “how?”

“well, they always screwed up and got caught by Rocky and Bullwinkle and usually i think, boris would accidentally blow himself up. with one of those cartoony bombs. [you should’ve seen my charade of the cartoon bomb.] and see, Rocky and Bullwinkle? the good guys? one was a squirrel and one was a moose, and the moose, Bullwinkle, was a total idiot. so the fact that the russian spies would get caught by an idiot moose…”

“this is so terrible.”

“ees always moose and squirrel.”

“what?”

“nothing. it’s a very OLD cartoon.”

“did you watch this cartoon?”

“heh yeah. when i was a kid they would show it on saturday mornings. it was kind of clever cos a lot of the jokes were for adults but it was entertaining for kids because y’know… cartoon. but yeah, i always liked it cos it had a lot of puns in it. for instance, boris’s last name was-“

“what? what was his last name?”

“oh, hell.”

“what?”

“his name was Boris Badenov. see? how his last name sounds like ‘bad enough’?”

“i want to see this.”

“didn’t you guys have cartoons that made fun of the U.S.?”

“no.”

“oh come on. there had to be something.”

“i can’t think of any such cartoon.”

“no satire on america? parody?”

“we have Tom and Jerry.”

“that’s… not what i meant.”

“i want to see this movie.”

“i’m telling you, it’s a stupid movie. it’s goofy.”

recognition, “Goofy? it has Goofy?”

“no, not Goofy. by goofy i mean ridiculous.”

“we will watch this movie.”

“okay, if i can even find this movie, i’ll get it and we’ll watch it. but i’m telling you, it’s stupid.”

i never thought i’d have to have THAT conversation. she looked miserable. i kept explaining to her that it was old and of a different generation. she seemed to get that. i pointed out that our generation has a more global view on things. and she agreed. still, you could see on her face as i told her about boris and natasha that she was really hurt and even shocked. i felt like a total evil bitch having to explain all that.

“they were russian spies, but portrayed as idiots.”

“gasp. but why?”

“because back then, americans were scared of russians and so they made them out to be fools so they could laugh at them. to release the tension. i guess.”

“this is most terrible.”

“it was a social commentary of the times. it’s not like people think the same today.”

“but you have seen this.”

“yeah, everybody has seen it. it’s Rocky and Bullwinkle. it wasn’t as popular as Bugs Bunny or Mickey Mouse cartoons. but yeah, if you’re my age and older, you’ve seen Rocky and Bullwinkle.”

“i will see this.”

“are you sure?”

“yes. i will see it.”

“all right.”

i talked to my little bro last night and told him about the conversation. he was all, “did you tell her about the old ninetendo game, Rush’n Attack?”

“what? no!”

“heh.”

“that game sucked. if the russians so much as touched you you were dead.”

“yeah. wait, you mean, that’s not how it really works?”

“i dunno, maybe. i guess cold war is hell.”

“ees moose and squirrel!”

“ees always moose and squirrel.”

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