3.18.08

Category: dribblings

i can’t remember if i’ve mentioned this. if you know me you know that i hate birds. a lot. i hate ’em all, wild and domestic. i guess you wouldn’t call me racist, but perhaps species-ist? i guess that maybe penguins are okay? i dunno. probably if penguins lived in trees near my house i would hate them too.

and if you’ve been around me in the last three months you may have heard me complain about a seagull that’s been TORMENTING MY SOUL. because
1. what’s a seagull doing at my house?
2. this is proof that global warming is doing SOMETHING.
3. when i was a kid we didn’t have seagulls in gadsden.
4. is one of my neighbors feeding this damn thing?
5. if i had a gun and if it was legal to shoot at birds in the city, i would hunt down this winged beastie SO FAST. and i would TAKE IT’S LIFE. judge, jury, AND executioner.

there are seagulls a couple of miles from my house at the river and lake area around the mall. so maybe this bird isn’t a seagull actually. i thought it could be a mockingbird? maybe? and maybe the mockingbird heard a gull and picked up it’s MOST ANNOYING SHRIEK-BARK? and now it flies around my house singing it’s new song? effin’ birds.

i was outside with mom a couple of weeks ago and i could hear the seagull again and i cringed and said, “ohh that damn gull! i hate it!”

mom was all, “what?”

“that seagull? don’t you hear it?”

“…jaimie, that’s a hawk.”

“what?”

“see it? it’s over there.” she points and yes, my seagull? is a damn hawk.

obviously i’m not a Bird Nerd. and the hawk’s demon cry does sound like the bark of a seagull (not the long shriek, but the one where it does the sequence of short barky shrieks). and i guess you’re not allowed to kill a hawk because they are threatened (which is better than being endangered, i guess.) ANYWAY. you tell me if i’m a dolt for thinking it was a gull, okay? here’s what it sounds like. i looked up the most common hawk in AL. and then looked for a sound of it, and yeah, that’s what it sounds like. and tell me that doesn’t sound like a gull? oh yes it does. it’s a Red-shouldered Hawk and? it’s low on the conservation scale.

not that i would kill it. not even with a golf ball.

now that i know it’s a hawk it seems more cool, i guess, to be tormented by a hawk rather than a seagull. and now when i hear it i watch for it cos lots of times other birds will gang up on it. i’m glad though, that Roxy is a big dog and not some kind of teacup poodle or some other tiny hawk-meal-sized dog. and one day dad saw the hawk snatch a squirrel right off a tree branch!
BOOM! YOU’RE FOOD!

so yeah. a hawk is 20 times cooler to be annoyed by than a stinky ol’ seagull.

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