4.25.08

Category: dribblings

there was a strange piece of mail in the mailbox this afternoon. it was addressed to me and there was no return address in the corner or on the back. a letter of intrigue!

i carefully opened it up (in case any sort of white powder came out. mmmm, powdered donuts.) and inside was a bookmark with a post-it stuck on it. this is the greatest piece of mail i’ve received in a long time!

you will all be jealous of the prize that was sent to me by Daktari!, and if you’re not jealous then i don’t even want to know you anymore. in hopes of attaining a Spy Club code name for his wife or daughter, Daktari! has sent me a genuine pleather bookmark that he scored from some kind of important meeting he attended with (wait for it…) SCANTRON. yes, as in the test sheets you had to buy in college? that is some SWEET SWAG, yo!

some of you may remember (it seems so long ago doesn’t it?) when this site was not a site at all, but was in fact… a mailer. it was a weekly e-mail that was sent out to anyone who could take it. and back in that day, if you sent me some swag (preferably something awesomely useless from your job… with a logo or something on it. but honestly i’ll take whatever. swagwhore over here.) i’d give you a Spy Club nickname and a job in the club. the best part about this club is there’s no annual meeting and nothing to vote on. you just get a cool nickname and i get a lot of free pens and junk! it must be said, however, that some people have sent me some very nice things. not just work swag. some of the stuff i can remember off the top of my head (it’s been literally YEARS since anyone has asked for a Spy Name): Agent Orange sent me a mixed CD of punk music. Mr Beard gave me a LotR cup. Disco Millie sent a rad key chain from Nevada. and Cowboy Zydeco sent me a whole grab bag of prizes including stickers, a can of armadillo meat (heh), and these cool spinny things (i still have them, CZ!).

so how jealous are you of my scantron bookmark? i know. the jealousy, it eats you up inside doesn’t it? it would me too.
Daktari! i can’t give Wheezy a nickname cos she’s only one and already has like, 3 nicknames that i know of (EA, E-town, and Wheezy) that’s more nicknames than some people have their whole life. plus, to give a Spy Club name and job to one so young just doesn’t seem like a good idea. i need to wait a few years to see what job she’ll fit into. but your gift is not in vain, nay! it has bought for your lovely wife a Spy Club name and job. Patti, your spy name is Stormy Wunderblatt. you’re an expert with knives (obviously) and you’re in charge of imports/exports and you’re in the Poetry Squad. it’s mostly limericks. bawdy ones. you should have no trouble fitting in.

thank you, Daktari! i love my bookmark!

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