5.26.08

Category: dribblings

on friday mr. fleegan and i drove up to Marysville, OH. on saturday we attended a surprise party for my favorite people, The Fish Fam. and on sunday we drove back. it was a stupid thing to do really, cos gas prices are at their highest, and it was such a quick trip. but it was totally worth it to see the look on chuck and lou’s face. then we drank the hell outta some beer.

the hangover on the 9 hour ride home wasn’t as bad as it could’ve been, i guess. it was mostly a queasy stomach and me profusely sweating beer out of every pore. and i stank. and every time we stopped for gas or to eat or whatnot i tried not to get too close to anyone so they wouldn’t have to smell my hangover. then when we got home i went to the store to get stuff for a salad (cos we ate junk for two days, we needed the health.) i saw one of the regular library patrons. i was all, “please don’t make eye-contact, please don’t make eye-contact, you don’t see me, i’m a box of oatmeal cream pies, these aren’t the droids you’re looking for.” i managed to get away. but she probably did see me and thought, “my word, would you look at her? she looks like she slept in those clothes after she drank free beer all night. gross. and yuck, what did she do to her hair?”

today i had the supreme pleasure of babysitting ben. i only watched him for about 3 hours, but let’s be serious, it was just me and a one year old kid. for three hours. at my house. which is like, filled with sharp things and bottles of booze and bleach. i don’t even have outlet covers. i’m not talking about the childproof plastic thingies that go into the outlets. i’m talking about the plates? that go over the hole in the wall where the outlets are? so it looks pretty? yeah. i don’t have those. i have SOME of those. just not, you know, all of those.

oh hush it. he was fine. we watched cartoons, ate some cherrios, ate some kind of orange space food, had a poopy diaper, he put his fingers up roxy’s nose, played with the tambourine and djembe, and basically had a great time. he was afraid of roxy but then he kept saying, “dog.” and pointing to the back door. so then i’d pick him up and we’d go outside and he’d freak out and try to climb on top of my head. but after a second he’d cool it and then point at roxy and reach for her. he’d touch her nose and then freak out all over again. i’d take him back inside and he’d be all, “dog.” and point again. we did this ninety hundred thousand times. it got to the point when i’d take him out to see roxy she would just stay in her dog house all, “forget it, kid. i’m too comfy and you aren’t bringing me any treats.”

i’m just proud that i didn’t have to call for any reinforcements. i did call mom and dad (they’re up in TN visiting li’l bro.), i said to them, “hey listen, i’ve got ben for a couple of hours, okay? so here’s the thing, i need you to come home. NOW.” they thought it was funny.

****

i’ve got some cool news! mr. fleegan surprised me with tickets to see cyndi lauper and the B52s in june. we were sitting over at mom and dad’s house and he was all, “hey cyndi lauper is coming to atlanta next month.”

“yeah, i know. but tickets are probably already soldout.”

“not all of them. they even have these tickets you can get where you get to meet cyndi lauper. wouldn’t that be cool?”

“my god, it would be a nightmare.”

“what?”

“what the hell would i say to her? i’d spaz out.”

“you get your picture taken with her too. and a bunch of free stuff.”

“those tickets are probably a mortgage payment each.”

“well, but. wouldn’t it be cool?”

“no way, i’d probably vomit words all over her. make a fool of myself. remember that time in birmingham at the galleria when we saw that newscaster lady? and i nearly had a fit cos she was almost like a famous person? can you imagine my response to being so close to someone like cyndi lauper? no, i’d be a total fool.”

“well, that’s too bad cos i got us those tickets.”

“you what.”

“i got us tickets to that concert and it’s the Meet and Greet package.”

“you… what?”

and Flippy was at the table all, “ha! you go, jimmy!”

and i’m all, “how much money did you just spend?! are you crazy?! is this a joke?”

“nope.”

“cancel it! cancel the tickets!”

“what?! no!”

“my god, how much were they?”

“i’m not telling! and don’t you go looking it up either. if you look it up i’ll cancel them.”

“…”

“no wait. if you look it up i’ll buy two MORE tickets.”

“shit!”

“ha!”

“oh man, did you really buy tickets?”

“yes.”

“for real?”

“yeah. we haven’t been to a concert in a long time. heck, we haven’t been to the movies in months. and we haven’t taken a vacation since our honeymoon. so really the tickets weren’t so bad.”

“cyndi lauper and the B52s? that’s going to be so awesome!”

“plus, you get to meet cyndi lauper.”

“shit, what a nightmare!”

“i know, you are so gonna spaz.”

“shut up! maybe not. maybe i can be cool.”

“what are you going to say to her?”

“hopefully? nothing.”

“heh, i can’t wait to see you freak out.”

“um, listen. you DO know that the True Colors tour is like, a big gay thing, right?”

“wait, what?”

“it’s a gay pride thing. i’m pretty sure.”

“i guess that would explain why rosie o’donnell is one of the “and friends” on some of the tour dates.”

“just don’t wear a muscle shirt and you should be okay.”

“well, we went to that Ani concert that time.”

“yeah but, that was militant lesbians.”

“there’s a difference?”

“well, i think lesbians are more practical while the dudes are more… not practical.”

“what does that mean?”

“i have no idea. i’m going to meet cyndi lauper in three weeks!”

“i know. it’s going to be hilarious.”

and now every once in a while jimmy will bring it up, “so, whatcha going to say to cyndi lauper?”

“oh, can it, you nit. maybe i’ll have laryngitis.”

or he’ll say, “have you thought about what you’re going to say to cyndi lauper?”

“no! hopefully i’ll be polite and not say the fuck word or spit when i speak! and what about you, genius?! you’re gonna be there too. what are YOU gonna say?”

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