11.22.07

Category: dribblings

Happy Thanksgiving!

i so hate using notepad to update this thing. i hate it so bad you don’t even know. so if any of you clever fleegans know of an easy to use HTML editor (erm, a free one.) lemme know.

 

i haven’t updated in approximately 3 years because of

A. the move

B. the tuberculosis

C. the evil lung demons that STILL inhabit my lungs even after 2 weeks of medicine, an actual doctor, chicken noodle soup, Ricola, prayers, virgin sacrifices, voodoo, Foxfire poultices (poultices? poulticii?), curses, swears, teas, Mucinex, antibiotics, chocolate covered raisins (it was a stretch, but i’m willing to try anything at this point), dragonsbane, that stuff that was in that envelope that Mrs. Brisby got for Timmy in the Secret of NIMH, i’ve mentioned soup, menthol, hydrocodone…which made me vomit…which was kind of like kicking me while i was already down…which is an asshole thing to do, bathing, not bathing, sitting up to try to sleep, failing miserably, watching approximately 900 episodes of Law & Order, passing out, waking up all sweaty and gross and puzzled because you thought you were at work, but no, apparently you weren’t at work…you were tangled up in a blanket four feet from the couch and missing an episode of Law & Order.

 

i’m still hacking like i’ve got consumption, but no fever or nose blowing or sneezing or sore throat. just the cough. The Cough of 1000 Years.

i even went to the doctor! twice! and i don’t go to the doctor. heck, i don’t get sick.

but this time i got sick. so this time i went to the doctor.

the first time i went to the doctor was for a HORRIBLE sore throat i had. and since i work at the library i thought it would be a good idea to go to the doctor to make sure i didn’t have strep throat so’s not to infect my coworkers, not so much the patrons cos let’s face it, it was probably germs for one of the snot-nosed kids from work that got me sick in the first place.

 

so i go to the doc and it’s a new doc. she’s really nice. she’s kinda young, and bonus! my frined fellykish works there so i can get in to see her lickety-split. but you know me, it’s never THAT easy with me.

the doc comes in to swab my throat, right? and i warn her that i may puke on her cos i have a wicked gag reflex. i tell her that i even gag when i brush my teeth. she says it’s okay, i can puke on her. so okay, i’m ready to puke on her. go.

she comes at me with the swab and i move my head away. SORRY! i say to her. okay now i’m ready!

she comes at me again, and again i dodge. oops. heh. sorry. gut-reaction i guess. i won’t move this time.

this time she manages to get the swab in my mouth and i pull away. shit. sorry. i’m not doing this on purpose i swear. i’m so sorry!

now she’s ready for me. she grabs the back of my head so i won’t move my head and she comes at me with the swab. using my left hand i grab her arm and hold her arm back so she can’t swab me. realizing that i’m actually manhandling the doctor i let go of her arm and apologize again saying that i didn’t mean to grab her arm, it was a reaction, i swear, i don’t normally assault the doctor, honest.

she was nice about the whole thing, and needless to say she could not do a rapid strep test.

she assigned me some drugs and said to come back if i wasn’t better in a few days.

 

right. like i can ever show my face back there again.

 

a few days later my throat is just fine, but i’m coughing like an old lunger coal miner. i tried several over the counter cough syrups and nothing worked. for days! DAYS. i was “sleeping” on the couch at night so at least jimmy could get some sleep. about a week into the cough fellykish calls me to see how i’m doing and she’s all, “get in here to see the doctor, NOW!” and i say, “i can’t! last time i was there i assaulted her! she probably hates me!”

 

she assured me the doc didn’t hate me but i wasn’t brave enough to go.

a couple of days later my cough was so evil that i was throwing up when i coughed. i had no choice but to eat crow and call the doc. i figured my pal would answer the phone when i called, but i’ll be damned if the doc herself didn’t answer the phone. how often does this happen?! NEVER. so in my very hoarse voice i ask for an appointment. she’s all, “have you ever been here before?”

i’m all, sigh, “yes, ma’am. it’s jaimie pickle.”

“Jaimie?! is that you?!”

“yes ma’am.”

“my god, you sound terrible! get in here now!”

 

the doc was very nice since i was so sick, but when i was in the exam room i could hear her in the hall talking to fellykish. she said, “is that jaimie in exam 1?…call the police i’m going to have her arrested for assault.”

ha ha. even my doc is funny. err’body i know is funny. so she gives me some cough syrup and a ‘script for some nighttime cough syrup and i’m good to go. like i mentioned before, the one syrup made me hurl my guts out…but not before i thought i was going to die first. i was on the couch and suddenly i had the chills. i was shaking so hard my teeth kept clicking. i was so cold and i was covered in blankets and the heat was on and this whole time i’ve not had a fever so i thought, hmm, maybe i’m having a reaction. then my arms went kinda numb. then my face was numb. then i knew. i knew i was going to puke. so i did. and then i felt better. still though with the coughing.

i was coughing so hard i was hurling up all this clear junk. i was talking to cookie on the phone when i got another cough attack. i was all, “hakhakahkakahkakkkaakahhaak i gotta go bye.” and i ran out on the front porch (cos it was closer than the bathroom) and i hurled over the side. AT THAT EXACT MOMENT my dad pulls up in the driveway.

“jaimie? what are you doing?”

“dying, dad. i’m dying.”

“did you just puke?” he asks as the drool keeps pouring out of my mouth.

“yeah. it’s one of those days, dad.”

“maybe you should go back to the doctor.”

“i did. this morning.”

“she give you anything?”

“yeah. it made me throw up.”

“damn. sucks to be you.”

my cough is still hanging around, but i’m so very thankful that i’m not hurling anymore. i haven’t been painting cos i’m still not up to par. i can’t even walk very far before i start wheezing. i sound asthmatic. and if i breathe remotely deep i have a coughing fit. but! i am sleeping! ha! take that, cough! and the past two days i’ve actually left the house. so you know i’m getting better. plus, i’m updating this lousy website! in notepad! i even knitted a couple of rows today! maybe next week i’ll be back to painting. i’m already weeks behind. i want to paint because i need the moolah, but honestly? i just want to lay on the couch with a ton of blankets and watch Law & Order.

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