praise report confessional II

Category: dribblings

one day last week k-ris called me and asked if i had a blank canvas i wasn’t using. i told him that sure i had one and that if he needed it he could have it. he was all, “well, i wanted you to bring it to church on Sunday to do some art during worship.” (that’s an example, in case you’re wondering what i’m talking about.)

i’m not going to lie, i didn’t want to do this.

there were three main reasons i didn’t want to do it.

1. it’s supposed to be this off-the-cuff expression of worship, and well, my painting isn’t really spontaneous. it’s really controlled. can’t get more controlled than a grid can you? so i felt uncomfortable with that.

2. i’d have to paint in front of people! even strangers! what if they were all, “uh mah gah. she’s an artist? really? it looks like a kid vomited crayola on canvas. lame.” i know it’s not about making a pretty picture. it’s about worship, but still, it was in the back of my mind all week.

3. worship lasts about an hour. i didn’t think i’d be able to finish a painting in an hour. unless of course i had a small canvas. but mine was 36″x24″. not large, but not small either.

so, three petty, little fears. and to be honest, the first two seemed really lame. yes, painting in front of everyone was going to suck, but also, it’s not like my fellow church peeps are gonna be all, “YOU SUCK!” to my face. and as for my painting “style”? whatever. i’m a trained painter, for crying outs, i should be able to put SOMEthing on a canvas. but the time limit seemed impossible.  

i talked to my pal, PamSim, who is at the Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry in Redding, CA, because for her school she had to take a prophetic art class and she was really uncomfortable with it (probably for all of the fears i just listed and maybe more). the funny thing is, when she had this class she called me and was all, “i can’t do this art thing, it’s crazy.” (she never said that. i’m paraphrasing. i’m paraphrasing things she never said.) i kept telling her, “oh, you can do it. it’ll be fine. i bet you’ll do great.”
Jaimie: Queen of Lame Generic Affirmations.

so now, months later i’m talking to PamSim and i’m all, “crap, k-ris asked me to do this art during worship and i’m so nervous about it.” she’s all, “HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!” (i’m paraphrasing.) but she DID say that she thought the hardest thing for me would be to finish a painting in an hour.

word, right?

so this morning i get to church and my pal Nola sees me. she’s playing bass on the worship team. she’s kind of upset at first cos she thinks that they double booked the bass or something (i too, play bass on two of the worship teams) but i tell her no, i’m here to paint during worship. she’s all, “HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!”  or something like that. then she’s all, “awesome!” and THEN she’s all, “how are you going to be able to finish a painting in an hour?”

I DON’T KNOW. 

so what i did, right? i got to the church at the same time as the worship team (because i considered the task of Painting Art Worshipper Person (PAWP™) to be part of the team. right? wouldn’t you? yes.) and i waited for the team to start practicing (they practice an hour before church starts.) so i sat for a bit and prayed and started putting some paint on the canvas.

earleir in the week, when k-ris called, i kept thinking about water.
maybe i was supposed to paint water?
so all week i kept thinking about water. maybe an ocean? with waves? i don’t know.

water.

but when i got to church i saw this awesome tree. so then i was all, “TREE! i’ll paint a tree!” but God was all, “tree? really? what have i been telling you all week?”

“…water?”

“thank you.”

“so, you want like, an ocean or something? waterfall?”

“…”

“Lord? what kind of water? hello? …great.”

so while practice was happening i got out all my blues and some white and some deep turquoise (i want to eat that color). now, all my blues are at the ready.  i’ve got a manganese blue, an ultramarine of course, and a pthalo if i need it, cobalt, and some kind of medium blue that looked like what i’d call a Superman blue. i also had a big bucket of Utrecht white gesso. i was using that as my white because i have so much of it and it has the most awesome consistency.

so i go to put the paints on the palette, and what colors do i put on it? burnt sienna, burnt umber, and yellow ochre. of course.

what?

i grab a brush and start putting color on the canvas thinking, “this isn’t water.” but the music gets going, and i’m sucked into it. i brushed the background in, and i think by then practice was over. i took a break and then when worship started (for real) i grabbed a palette knife and painted the whole thing in with that instead of a brush.

and you know what? i finished the painting before worship was over.

laura took some pictures during worship. Action Worship!

look! we even had someone dancing! i totally missed it because my back was turned.

so there’s the finished painting. Carpenter John’s wife, Ann, came up after church and said to me, “i know exactly what that painting is.” she was awesome. she wanted it for the house she has for women addicts in recovery. i thought that was amazingly cool. i took it home to varnish it and i’ll bring it to her next week.

what an awesome day. what an awesome God.

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