12.16.06

Category: dribblings

i was raking the yard today and guess who comes pedaling up to tell me how i’m raking it all wrong?
Crazy Margaret.

but you knew that, didn’t you?

anyway she wanted some money to go wash her clothes because she apparently shit all over herself yesterday.

twice.

i know, right? i have the best stories.

so she says that she shit herself once at home and then again at Johnson’s.
i know. it’s not funny. but i’m sharing it with you because she shared with me. and trust me, you’re getting the abridged version. she told me all about the consistency and smell and the whole nine yards.

“jaimie, it was like water was just pouring out of me! and i couldn’t stop it i just shit all over myself and i couldn’t do nothin’ about it!”

“it happens.”

“well i was raking my yard and i had to go and all a sudden i just shit all over myself and there was a trail of shit all through the house to the bathroom and lucky it didn’t get in my shoes none.”

“yeah. pretty luck-“

“and then at Johnson’s i shit all over too and there was nothing i could do for it. i had to throw my panties away. they was a damn mess. lord. i got my britches soakin’ in soapwater all night but i don’t think they’ll get right.”

“you should probably drink some-“

“they said they was a virus goin’ ’round. you know anything about that?”

“not real-“

“has he been sick lately?”

“who? jimmy?”

“yeah. reckon he coulda gave it to me?”

“no. he hasn’t been sick. and he didn’t-“

“well anyway my pants is ruined and if i was you i’d rake the yard with a hey lemme let you borrow what i used to rake yards with.”

“no thanks, margaret.”

anyway she pedalled off still talking about raking yards and shitting herself. so then i was thinking to myself, damn that came out of nowhere. i took a break and went inside to check the internets and this awesome thing happened.

i received an awesome e-mail from murph, a guy who used to read the Weekly back when it was an actual weekly, and it was kinda funny cos he said he remembered finding my website long ago (back at pickle.fleegan.com) because he was researching poo.

i had to laugh because obviously, in the last 5 years not that much has changed about the site, no? it’s still poop stories. yep. nothing technical or difficult to understand here, nay. the content of my site is like that perfect regular bowel movement you can always count on.

***

yesterday i mentioned i did not like the manheim steamroller…i may have meant the trans-siberian orchestra. unless i meant both. i’m pretty sure that yeah, i don’t like either one. for the same reasons.

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