Sir Gaylord Chicken Caesar

Popsicle has decorated the suit of armor for Halloween.

But merely dressing up the armor for holidays is not enough for my father. Nay, he’s an envelope pusher, a line crosser, a sick man. He has also added to the knight a gold lamé scrotum. He made it out of plastic Easter eggs filled with pennies and an old purse he bought at a thrift store. Those of you who know my father are probably wondering why it took him so long to make a ball sac for the armor. It was the lamé, he needed the perfect material. A picky one, that Popsicle.

My father, who is a clever man, has made the scrotum retractable, you know, in case children or… foreign dignitaries come over. So while he is a sick guy, he’s also responsible. And in case you were wondering about the schlong that’s missing, worry not, he’s working on that as well, and it will be magnitized for quick removal, you know, for the children and the dignitaries.