9.13.06

Category: dribblings

i went to the eye doctor today. it was way past time for me to go. i’m sure we all remember the last time i went? hm? no? just me? fine. refresh your memories.

i’m not sure what it is about going to the eye doctor that turns me into a completely different person, but for some reason i do. i turn into a loquacious dork who fears pain (no wait, same person) and every other thing out of my mouth is, “i’ve notived that lately? when i’m working? my eyes start to- oh hey, whateryou doing? is this going to hurt?”

i went to a different eye doc today because the last one was…well, you read about it. it was stupid. this time? it was MUCH better. it was better because FIRST OF ALL they didn’t dilate my pupils and THEN ask me to pick out frames. SECONDLY, the eye doc was really personable and she talked as much as i did. THIRDLY, she answered all my questions in ways that i could understand them, “well, basically, you have two eyes, and they’re awesome.” FORTHILY, she asked if i would paint her house. FILTHY, (hee) she seemed REALLY concerned when i told her that glaucoma runs on both sides of my family. so much so that she’s sending me to a specialist.
“um, but aren’t you…a specialist?”
“well, yes. but i don’t have the $40,000 machine that the other guy has.”
“ah.”
“yeah.”
that is HONESTY, people.

plus she was like, magic.
at one point she was all, “a or b? 1 or 2? a or 2? ah, the computer suggested your left eye was weaker.”
what computer? i didn’t…you didn’t…what?

and then she was looking into my eyes with a laser beam that shoots liquid hell light beams straight into the sensitive light hole in my eye and she says, “do you have allergies?”
“hm? me? no, never. i’ve never been allergic to things.”
“well, your eyes have allergies in them right now.”
“oh, well actually…my eyes have been itching like crazy the last two days.”
“…and you don’t have allergies?”
“well, i’ve…actually, i’ve never thought about it before.”
“you don’t think itchy eyes-”
“i mean, i don’t have ALLERGIES like where my world is ending because i’m ALLERGIC to natural air and i have to shoot spray liquid up my nose and use an inhaler to breathe for me and oh god whoa is me is that GRASS and TREES? GOD HATES ME kind of allergies.”
“…”
“oh hell, do you have those allergies?”
“no! no, but i know those people.”
“yeah me too, poor bastards.”
“but your eyes are itchy and that’s not good.”
“well, honestly they itch a lot but i think it’s cos i paint. i’m in a different environment all the time and my eyes feel gunky and itchy at the end of the day.”
she gave me some eyedrops. RESULT!

i am a little anxious about the specialist eye exam, but i’ve talked with my other leetle brahther, PJ, who works for an ophthomologist in ohio and he explained what tests they would probably do and it doesn’t sound too bad. until he got to the part about vegetable dye. he was all, “they get a needle and inject vegetable dye-”
“what?! a needle?!”
“yeah and then-”
“a needle in MY EYE?!”
“no! they inject it in your arm and the dye somehow gets to your eye.”
“oh really?”
“yeah.”
“so no needle in my eye?”
“no!”
“okay, well a needle in the arm i can handle.”

totally.  needle in the arm? nothing. no. thing.
but try to put a couple of drops in my eye? i become a whiny, pain-feeling baby, like those poor allergy freaks.

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