Oh, positive.

Category: dribblings

This weekend marks the second time I’ve donated blood. This means that for a couple of days afterwards not only was I REALLY TIRED but I also became completely insufferable.

Things that may or may not have been said by me (to Mr. Fleegan or Fellykish) this weekend:

“You have to be nice to me today. AND tomorrow. I gave blood today.”

“Can you get me a snack? I’m still so weak from being a hero.”

“I saved three lives today. What did you do?”

“I can’t give blood again until April. Because I gave it today.”

Okay, I didn’t say any of those things this weekend, but Kelly will say I did my fair share of whining. But she’s mean, and? She never donates blood, because she’s stingy. Oh, she’ll blame it on her lack of spleen, but whatever.

I’ve wanted to donate blood again, since I first did it in September of last year, but I have to admit I was scared. It’s weird because I wasn’t as nervous about it the first time, and that time I had no idea what to expect. And it was easy, right? Well, maybe not easy, but it’s really not that bad. I’d rather give blood than go to the dentist. Or the Lady Doctor.

But for some reason, I was really nervous about it. Earlier in the week I had read in the newspaper that the blood supply was very low. The winter storm weater we’d had had really depleted the supply, and a lot of blood drives had to be canceled so, they needed some blood donations. Also that week, one of my favorite people in the whole world had to have surgery, and I thought what if she needs blood and there’s not enough blood? That would suck eggs.

Now obviously the blood I donated wouldn’t get to my friend because friend’s surgery was Thursday and the blood drive was Friday. Plus however many days it takes them to test the blood for whatall. But it made me feel like I was doing something.

The first thing I had to do was tell a couple of people I was going to do it. NOT because of any accolades, nay, because I knew if I didn’t tell some people about it, I could chicken out and no one would be the wiser.

Then I asked Mr. Fleegan if he’d take me to the blood drive. I found out last time that sometimes, when I have a pint of blood removed from my body, I get a bit wonky and should probably not drive right away. but also, after I give, I don’t really feel like hanging out with a bunch of strangers while I wait for my body to get back to normal. He agreed to take me even though I could totally tell he was kinda grossed out about it.

Like I said, I was even more nervous this time, but I don’t know why. This time the whole process went much quicker. I didn’t have to wait in line. As soon as I got there the volunteers were all, “Look! Another hero is here!” At this point I could hear Mr. Fleegan groan because he knew my blood-donating ego did not need any more stroking. I wanted to turn to him and say, “BOOSH! They already called me a HERO and I haven’t even done anything yet!” But of course I didn’t say that.

Do you know who doesn’t gloat about being a hero?

Heroes.

Anyway, he dropped me off and since it took place at the local mall he went for a walk.

I had to read the book again, answer questions, I passed the mini-physical and only flinched a little bit when they pricked my finger. I was barely not anemic, which kinda makes me wonder about this multivitamin I take erreday. What the hell, Vitamin, get that shit up.

Then came the vampire part. That part only takes about 10 minutes. I try not to look at the bag, they kind of keep it out of your line of sight anyway. But come on, you know I peeked. That’s a big mistake, and I should not do that. Do you know what’s gross? Watching your blood fill up a bag. Don’t look at that. C’mon Jaimie, that’s bush league.

Then the guy couldn’t disconnect me, something malfunctioned on the bag tube cap thing. I was all, “Really? Are you serious? I can’t hang out here and just bleed because y’all can’t get your shit together. Someone get some damn duct tape or something.” In my mind.

What I really said was, “Hey, I feel funny.”

So another guy came over while first guy and some chick fooled around with the bag tube cap. Guy was all, “What’s wrong?”

“Um. My stomach feels hot?”

“Do you need some juice? I NEED AN APPLE JUICE OVER HERE!”

“Maybe just water?”

“No, you need juice. Are you dizzy?”

“Oh sure.”

Then the lady was all, “Mrs. Jones, WAH WAH WAH WAH WAH.” like the grown ups in Peanuts cartoons.

“You sound so far away.”

“Are you going to faint?”

“Pretty soon.”

So they laid the table back and I gotta say, that helped a great deal. I never passed out. But when my hearing went it was a really crazy sensation! They also put an ice pack on my stomach and that helped too. For some reason my stomach got all burny. Not in a heartburn kind of way. After a minute they had finally figured out the bag tube cap malfunction and I was up and on my way to the snacks. I had some pretzels.

They gave me a coupon for a free waffle at the Waffle House.

They also gave me a free movie pass to the cinemas at the mall. Oh and guess what, the movie pass? expired THAT DAY. and? your movie choices were limited.

Dear Premier Cinemas,

If you’re going to reward someone with a prize for donating his or her blood, then give them a prize. Don’t put ridiculous time restrictions on it, because then it ceases to be a prize and instead becomes bullshit.

Suck it, Douchebags,

Jaimie

I gave the movie pass back to the lady in charge of the snacks and prizes. “Oh,” she said, “You can’t go to a movie today?”

“No, lady, I’m a hero. I’ve got shit to do today.” In my mind.

“No, ma’am.” I said.

Then Mr. Fleegan came back for me and we went home.

And I think the most important lesson I learned from that day is that probably just over one pint of blood loss is my threshold of consciousness.

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