Beef Stewsday

Category: dribblings

My leetle brahther informed me yesterday that today is Beef Stewsday at his house. I told him I was gonna steal that. But lo, here I am giving credit.

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INSTANT HEART ATTACK

My husband woke me up at 6:30 this morning by saying, “Hey Jaimie, did we pay property taxes last year?”

My eyes shot open. “OF COURSE WE PAID PROPERTY TAXES LAST YEAR.” And I jumped out of bed and ran to the sacred Yellow File Folder of Holding where I keep Every Important Piece of Paper. “WHO SAID WE DIDN’T PAY? WHY IS THIS HAPPENING?” I asked while frantically flipping through oil change receipts, utility stubs, tax junk, and other ephemera from as far back as 2004.

“Oh, no. I was just wondering if that’s something we put on our income tax.”

“So um, no one is trying to steal our house by claiming we haven’t paid our property taxes?”

“No. Have you noticed that our house gets appraised higher each year so that they can- what’s wrong with your eyes? Do you have a gun? Where-”

The dream I was having before I was so rudely interrupted? I was at a wedding where David Bowie and Mick Jagger were the wedding singers. And David Bowie wanted ME to autograph a plank of wood FOR HIM, not with a pen or Sharpie, but WITH A KNIFE.