i hate plants

Category: dribblings

 

annasrose 

I did some minor gardening this weekend. very minor. miniscule. weeding, really. is what it was.

There’s a rose bush by the creek and it came with the house. I didn’t plant it, is what I’m saying. I call it Anna’s Rose Bush because when I was a little girl and lived across the street from this house, the old lasy who lived here (and probably wasn’t really that old at the time) was Anna and that rose bush was there and I just assume she put it there and whatever who cares it’s a damn rose bush.

So this rose bush is over 30 years old and I figure since the damn thing grows on it’s own and I don’t have to do anything to it that the least I can do is (every so often) cut down all those bullshit weed plants, choking vines, and that ol’ bastard: poison ivy off and away from the rose bush. And since this bush is, like I said, by the creek, ALL that stuff grows so fast and strong and plentiful because it gets tons of sun and water.

And before you think that I’m a big ol’ rose bush softie or something, the other reason I cut all that stuff down is because with it being by the creek that stuff gets snaky. I don’t want to make it any easier for snakes to hide in my yard. They gotta earn it.

Another gardening point I earned this weekend is the planting of some kind of lily. One of my coworkers pushed some lilies that she had dug up out of her yard on me. It went like this:

“Jaimie, would you like some lilies to plant at your house?”

“No, thank you.”

“Are you sure? They’re so easy.”

“No. I hate plants.”

“No you don’t! Nobody hates plants!”

“Yes I do. You know I hate plants. Everyone here knows I hate plants because ALL OF YOU keep trying to give me your extra plants! For years! I’ve spent years trying to maintain my plant hate and ALL OF YOU KEEP DOING THIS. I DON’T WANT YOUR PLANTS. THEY’LL JUST DIE. THEY ALWAYS DO!”

“These plants are easy. You can’t kill them.”

“THAT’S WHAT YOU SAID ABOUT THE CORN PLANTS YOU FORCED ON ME THREE YEARS AGO. They’ve been dead for two years now.”

“Corn plants? Those are finicky.  These lilies are so simple and they come back every year. You don’t have to do anything.”

“I don’t want any plants.”

“I’ll bring you some of my lilies.”

“FINE.”

So this weekend I planted some kind of lily in the front yard where the daffodils come up. I figure they can all be friends. If not, I’ll send the teenage mutant ninja hastas over to TCB.

All of this to say: I’ve got a bit of poison ivy on my arm and it itches LIKE A LUNATIC. I HATE PLANTS. ALL OF THEM.

Okay, obviously I don’t hate any food plants.

Also, I love pineapple. to eat, not grow.
gross.

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