Chairman Meow: the Murderous Pitters

Category: dribblings

I was sitting by the creek today waiting for a dragonfly to hold the hell still so’s I could take his picture, and there was a bird chirping and being all obvious. It would land within neck-grabbing distance and I said to the bird, “Piss off, you.”

But it wasn’t afraid and was content to just hang out nearby. So then I figured whatever, as long as it didn’t eat the dragonfly I was trying to work on.

A couple of minutes later Lebowski (our cat) came over and the bird got really agitated, but I didn’t care because I just don’t care. Also the bird was a Brown Thrasher and I was kinda pissed at it anyway because in the fall and winter I’d try to get a picture of those birds and they were ALWAYS SUCH DICKS ABOUT IT. I mean, the sparrows were cool about it, why you gotta be bitches, thrashers? Why? Plus, their yellow eyes freak me out. Also, I can’t tell the difference between the males and females, I’m kinda wondering if they’re like Blue Jays in that way. Whatever. Here’s the damn bird.

brownthrasher01

So my back is to the fig trees/bushes/plant matter and I’m focusing on the dragons in our creek. And I guess I should have given more thought as to why the bird was paying so much attention to me. I mean, really, why would a bird be all oddly demanding with it’s presence? BECAUSE YOU’RE PROBABLY CLOSE TO IT’S NEST, NATURE GIRL.

I was snapping away at the creek and didn’t see Lebowski duck into the fig tree and root around until I heard the birds start making a hell of a racket. I turn around and here comes ‘bowski with a baby bird in his maw. The parent birds are raising holy hell and the pitters is carrying that thing in his mouth and I’m telling you he’s strutting. Like he’s some badass for stealing a baby bird.

“Dammit, Lebowski! Don’t you DARE make me care about these birds!”

So I chase him into the front yard and make him drop the bird. It was still alive and didn’t look too bad, I guess, I mean it’s a baby bird, those things already look mostly dead. I can’t just leave it in the driveway cos ‘bowskers will just get it, and I’m sure as shit not going to pick up the bird because it is a filthy creature. So I call Jimmy on my cell and ask him to bring me a dish towel. While I’m waiting on him the bird is breathing and looks mostly stunned. Jimmy came out and gave me the towel and grabbed the cat to keep him busy so I can scoop up this bird and take it back to it’s parents. As soon as I touch the bird it starts screaming and jumping around like a lunatic. It scared the shit out of me.

brownthrasher02
Yes, I took a picture of it before saving it. The camera was already in my hand!

The damn thing jumped all the way across the street before I could finally grab it, gently, and tuck it into the towel. Then I went back to the fig tree and put it as close to the nest as I could get. The parents were all, “HAVEN’T YOU DONE ENOUGH?” because they didn’t see the baby bird. So I poked the baby and it started screaming and hopping again and then the parent birds were all, “WHAT THE SHIT? MY BABY!” and they gave me a full cup of fresh hell and tried to kill me with their arsenal of bird weaponry: beaks and feet.

Dear birds,

Worst. Thank you. Ever.

No Love,

Jaimie

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