Letters From College

Category: dribblings

Some people donated several boxes of books to the library the other day. My job was to go through them and see if any were worth keeping. Most of the time when people donate books they first call up and ask if we take donations, we tell them yes, as long as the books aren’t moldy, dirty, smelly, gross. If we can’t use them in our collection we sell them in our book sale corner. So people bring up their books and they tell us that they are all good books and they aren’t mildewed and moldy because they’ve been tucked away in the garage for ten years.

Ah, so that’s why I smell gasoline.

I usually throw the books away because:

A. They are gross and smelly.

B. They are old and broken.

C. They are useless text books from the ’80s and ’90s.

Obviously we also get tons of donations that are new, clean books, and we keep as many as we can.

ANYway, people brought in three boxes of what I was told were good, clean books. They were not. I threw half of them out. They were stinky and full of silverfish and I took them to the dumpster immediately. But! It wasn’t a total loss, because sticking out of an old college text book were two letters. Two letters written by a bored undergraduate during math class.
And because I’m keen on sharing, I’m going to share them with you, and type them out in all of their stupid glory. I have changed the names (to the names of characters from the movie Heathers) to protect, well, everyone. Mostly me.

Both letters are written on the back of a mathematics practice exam.

Letter one (this one was printed in handwriting that slants to the left.)

4-30-98

Heather –

Hello! How are you? I am fine. Just watching Mr. Dawson “teach.” We did course evals last week. You can imagine how bad they were. I am glad today is our last day of class this semester for this class.
I met my new roommate for fall ’98 last night. She is really nice. Her name is Betty. I’m glad it’s not Martha! Ha ha!
Heather’s last day of work is tomorrow. Next year she’ll be a senior. I wish I was. She’s a biology major. I think she’s going to be a vet. Or, that’s what she wants to do this week.

Dr. Ram said today that she’d like to reccomend me for a paid internship in Washington D.C. for next summer. I don’t know about that.

I have to go to Bruno’s after class for Heather. Then, they have those cardboard storage boxes at the Dollar Tree, so I need to go get about 5 of them. Tonight is an all new episode of “Seinfeld,” so I have to hurry!
Well, have a nice day. I will call you later. Even though you never call anyone back! 🙂
Bye-bye!

Love,
Veronica

PS- enjoy the math problems on the back!

 

Wasn’t that delightful? Remember writing notes in school? Yeah, me too! Remember writing notes in college? Yeah, me neither. But I’m so glad Veronica did.

On to letter two. This one is written in cursive and is written to a different Heather.

4-30-98/4pm

Heather-

Hey! Don’t you love this stationary? I know that Mrs. Smith would! She’d probably “get down on her knees” and “beg me” to give her this stationary! Too bad, Mary! Ha ha! I am in Math 113 right now and I am bored out of my mind. It’s like a Jane Matlock/Sarah Gish/Mary Smith class w/ none of your friends in there. Mainly b/c Heather has quit coming (since she has a 15 in here!), so I am bored. But, enough about me. How are you? Are you ready for school to be out? I sure am. Me and Heather went shopping last night to relieve our “school stress.” TJMaxx has the cure. I love that store! They have some silver/black DKNY tennis shoes that I want from there. My teacher just said, “If you get up and walk out and don’t come back, you have just made a “serious mistake.” Okay. I am scared now. He’s probably going to herd us all into that little utility closet over there and turn on the gas. Or, him and the 6 TAs will start firing on us! Great day! He’s a freak. I think he watches too many Robert de Niro movies. Or Clint Eastwood. He wants  to “make our day.” Almost everyone in here is sound asleep. I swear. Kind of reminds me of PSC or ANT. Well, tomorrow is our last day of classes! Wish me luck on finals!
Have a good week and call me!

Love,
Veronica
Roll Tide Roll! Go Bama!

My favorite part of the second letter is THE WHOLE THING.

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