I know what you’re thinking, where’s part two? Well, I forgot. We skated two weeks ago and it was horrible and I fell on my face, and Snatchie fell and hurt her shoulder again (in fact, she’s going to the ortho tomorrow). Barbwire fell for the first time and so did Phil. The only one who hasn’t fallen is Shreddy. We think she might be a witch.

So this time NONE OF US FELL. Except we did not have a full roster. Phil and Shreddy were absent. But Mr. Fleegan showed up (he is LBJ, obviously. But you have to pronounce it el-BEE-jay, obviously.) and he skated for the first time in many years and damned if he didn’t outskate us. I’m pretty sure he’s been practicing on his lunch breaks. Or maybe it’s on his nights where he goes to the “gym” for “yoga” or some shit. HE’S TOTALLY SKATING BEHIND OUR BACKS.

He could even turn around while skating. I mean, not very well, but without falling down.

This time I was even more scared to skate than the other two times which makes no sense to me because I know what to expect. I even wore knee pads thinking that if I had a bit of protection it would make me more confident. After my fourth lap around the rink (which probably took 20 minutes) I started to loosen up, but not much. After an hour I noticed that I was able to take larger one legged strides ( I counted two seconds per leg, when I tried for three seconds I was very wobbly, so I stuck with maintaining two seconds) and of course I made my pals watch me do that like a five year old on the diving board, “Mom! Watch me! Watch! Mom! MOM. YOU AREN’T WATCHING. okay now watch!”

Even without falling, my whole body aches. My knees. My right big toe is numb. My left big toe hurts like a sumbitch.

We all agreed that it was more terrifying than ever and that we were so scared and blah blah blah. At the end I was hoping we would all agree to never do this again, because honestly, you could see the fear on our faces, the disbelief that we were there again. So I said, “Is this our last time?”

Barbwire Bush and Snatchie Onassis were all, “No way! We’re coming back.”

And I’m all, “But guys, we just bitched about how scary that was. It was never not scary! The whole time!”

“So? We’re doing it again.”

“Yeah, it’s gonna happen.”

“Ugh, couldn’t we just join a bowling league or something?”

 

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