Autocorrection

Category: dribblings

I was texting Jimmy something. It wasn’t important and he mentioned I should give Roxie some of my dinner. I always let her have the last bite of the supper, and if it’s something that makes a messy plate I’ll let her lick the plate. Don’t judge me.

So what I texted was “Roxie will get to lick the plate.”

But what my phone sent was, “Roxie will get to kick the slave.”

My phone is a violent racist. It keeps changing my ringtone to “Dixie.” I’m like, “Hey, Phone. No. We don’t play that song.”

And Phone is all, “What? It’s just a song. It’s culture! What are you so afraid of?”

And I’m all, “That shit is racist. Knock it off.”

“It’s part of my heritage! You can’t take that-”

“What heritage? What are you talking about? You weren’t even-”

“Keep it flying! Keep it flying! I’ve been fighting terrorism since 1861! You can’t-”

I turned it off. Ignorant, racist, asshole phone.

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