6.27.06

Category: dribblings

i love working at the HCH. lately i’ve been doing mostly office work instead of painting. it’s a neat change ‘cos it’s not as hard physically. i go home in the afternoon and i don’t have bug bites or sore knees. that’s always nice.

the only downside to working there is seeing how much debt the place has. i go through all the bills and think, “this is impossible.” it really makes me sad because i love that place so much. i want it to work. i want it to rock. i want numbers that make sense. i want the utilities companies to cut us a break. i want to fire people who are taking up space and not working. i want air in my office. i want that place working like a well-oiled machine that’s able to pay it’s bills every month without having to pick and choose who gets screwed. i want HUD to do it’s job and HELP us instead of the way it’s jerking us around. CONSTANTLY.

i just want things to work right. i love that stupid place and all those crusty old people who live in it.

don’t worry, my cancerous ice heart hasn’t melted or anything. i’m not even approaching mushball status yet. i don’t even have real feelings. just small pebbles where the feelings should be.

still, if you worked around that place it’d get into you and you’d love it too. you’d even be surprised how much you love the oldsters. and when one of them dies, or has to leave to go to a nursing home, you’d be surprised how sad it makes you. you’d be surprised when one day you walk into the lobby and see old ladies sitting around a giant screen TV watching 9 to 5 and murmmering about Dolly’s boobs, and over by the mailboxes there’s 2 old guys bullshitting about cars and fishing, and they all smile at you and say hi and of course none of them can remember your name but some of them get pretty close, “hi janie!” or “hi amy!” and the ones that can’t remember don’t even try and just say, “hi girl!” or “hey there little one.” and you’d be surprised that it hits you outta thin air that this place isn’t just an apartment complex, but it’s a huge crazy family, and you’ll forever have to sit at the kid’s table.

then, when you reread that last paragraph, you’ll be surprised at how naive and mawkish you sound.

***

i had to look up mawkish in the dictionary to make sure i was using the word right. turns out, it comes from the word maggot. ew. how did they pull that one out? words are weird.

***

also, more of the same with the firecrackers today/night. i guess this will be a losing battle for me for the next two weeks or so. unless of course, i kill Kaze. which, isn’t out of the question. i tell you, pets are totally not worth the hassle. damn stupid animals.

oh well.

When I’m stuck with a day
That’s gray, and lonely,
I just stick out my chin
And Grin, and Say…..

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