1.05.07

Category: dribblings

two things.
first, on wednesday morning as i was chomping down my Grape Nuts i looked down to see bugs in my spoon. four bugs. one of which was moving. the others were not. upon further inspection of the bowl…yes, more bugs. some moving some not. when i checked the rest of the bag of cereal? bugs.

then i proceeded to check the other boxes of cereal. turns out, if given a choice of Grape Nuts or Cocoa Pebbles bugs will choose Grape Nuts.

i didn’t hurl or anything. surprisingly i didn’t even start gagging, and i’ve got a hair-trigger gag reflex. i gag when i brush my teeth every day. but my stomach was a bit queasy all morning. by lunchtime i was back to eating food.

second, i was at the grocery store with my baby daughter and for SOME reason i did not bring the punkin seat so i was having to carry her in my arms and try to push the cart…as rednecks do sometimes. and i was trying to figure out what i needed to buy and then i passed the baby food aisle and was all, “now what kind of formula do i use?” when i remembered that HOLY SHIT I’VE NEVER FED MY BABY! HOW OLD IS THIS BABY?! HOW COME I’VE NEVER FED HER AND HOW IS IT POSSIBLE THAT SHE LOOKS SO HEALTHY WHEN SHE’S NEVER EATEN ANY FOOD? MY GOD I’M THE WORST MOTHER EVER AND THE GOVERNMENT IS GOING TO TAKE AWAY MY BABY! AND THEY SHOULD! OH GOD PLEASE DON’T LET MY BABY DIE BEFORE I CAN FEED HER!

and i awoke in a panic filled with self-hatred for being such a terrible mother. and even after settling down and realizing that
a. i don’t have a baby and
b. i’m not even pregnant
i was still upset about the dream. apparently spaghetti o’s and beer are not the winning combination that they seemed to be before i went to bed. either that or God is warning me that if i have kids i’m going to jail. and you know what? no one brings the deadbeat mom cookies in jail.

***

Crazy Margaret just came by to tell me that my dog has been biting her butt all day and that it had something on it that looked like a black widow web. “you know, how they get on you when you sleep?”
i don’t know how in hell she could’ve seen that on my dog when she admits that roxy wouldn’t even come to the fence and wouldn’t even come within 10 feet of the fence. but there you go, trying to reason with crazy again. you fool.

***

welcome to the weekend shaggy dog!

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