1.06.07

Category: dribblings

we played cards at mom&dad’s last night. i was SO CLOSE to winning and then KABLOOIE, i was stuck with 210 points in the last hand. jimmy won, the fink. perhaps you’ve read the S.T.F.U. weekly? then you know how cussworthy we all are while we play cards. name calling galore. the interesting thing is that we can call each other these HORRIBLE words and then as soon as the game is over we’re all back to being normal humans. last night i was dubbed the Walking, Talking, Fucking Piece of Shit by none other than flippy. like i said, i had been winning awesomely until the last hand blew me out of the water.

***

i had another psychotic series of dreams last night a la dad’s homemade vegetable pizza. it had broccolli on it. and celery. it was GREAT pizza. the dreams? not so great. in one part i couldn’t fly very well, and my dad, who was huey lewis, could fly very well. and he hated me for my inability to fly. i could only fly if there was some wind. so dad moved away to play his rock music and not be shamed by me.

so i had the house to myself. i have no idea where justin and mom were. THEN all my neighbors hated roxy and would constantly complain about her and try to take her away from me. they would say how mean and dangerous she was to the neighborhood kids. and i was all, “what are you talking about? she’s the sweetest dog ever.” and then the devil lived next door. and SHE was so mean to me. she was constantly raggin’ me about not being able to fly. and i kept telling her that she’s the devil and therefore everything out of her mouth was a lie and that i didn’t have to listen to her. mostly i’d try to avoid her. but she was ALWAYS around. she was very pretty and had long blonde hair but she was very like, 9 feet tall. huge. and such a bitch. at one point she was all, “if you can’t fly up to the top of that tree i’ll kill your dog and all the children in the neighborhood.” and i was all, “hey, that’s not fair, you rotten bitch. i’m not betting with you.” and she’s all, “it’s not a bet. if you don’t do it i’ll kill ’em.” so then i’m all, “why are you tormenting me?! i’ll kill you!” and so i started fighting with her but then we started making out and she had just eaten an egg salad sandwich and i kept getting pieces of egg in my mouth and i was all, “you are disgusting! i hate you!” and i was spitting out the bits of egg while trying to scratch her face off and i woke up spitting into my pillow.

i uh, i spit a lot in my sleep. well i mean, if i’m dreaming and i spit, then chances are i’m spitting into my pillow. i think it was two weeks ago i was telling Cookie about a dream i had where these people had given this little toddler some poisoned food at this crazy state fair. they had poisoned all the food at this one booth and anyway i had just eaten some of the food and was spitting it out and i woke up with a wet pillow.

i am foul and disgusting and i don’t recommend you borrow my pillow.

Tags: , ,

No Comments

%d bloggers like this: