Food textin’.

Category: dribblings

The other day Snatchie Onassis said something about people logging in their daily food or whatnot on a website or something. And she says some of them will put things like:

Snack: a tablespoon of almonds

Shreddy and I laughed. “Don’t lie.”

“That’s 3 almonds, right?”

“That’s not even worth the calories it would take to dispense, measure, and eat.”

“A tablespoon of almonds is an ingredient not a snack.”

 

Aren’t we delightfully mean? Then we invented the 12 grapefruit diet. You can eat 12 grapefruits and one pound of alligator meat a day. Say goodbye to your butthole.

Ever since then we text each other fake meals and snacks.

 

“Oh wow. for breakfast this morning I went outside and took 6 deep breaths. So delicious!”

“For breakfast I ate 12 grapefruits, and I splurged for lunch: one diet ‘Nilla Wafer.”

“At Japanese restaurant, I ate one sesame seed, a grain of rice, and an edamame bean.”

“For my lunch I had 4 leftover bean sprouts and looked at a diet rootbeer.”

“Breakfast: Black coffee (enema! I didn’t DRINK it.) and two teaspoons of egg whites. (also enema-ed those.) can u take me to the hospital?”

“I had crumbs from toast and I licked a slice of ham. I am too weak to drive, call 911 but don’t let them give you fluids. ~water weight~”

 

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