Face Rant (aka I am a crazy person.)

Category: dribblings

So I’m watching Deadwood with some pals because they said it was great and they are right. But then out of nowhere Alice Krige comes in during the second season and oh my gosh her face bothers me more than Helena Bonham Carter’s and Christina Ricci’s COMBINED.

Here is my problem. Her face is fine. She’s a beautiful lady in that unique, unconventional Tilda Swinton kind of way, right? But. She doesn’t move her face when she talks AND THIS BUGS ME TO NO END. And I can’t help it. I notice mouths.
Krige’s mouth is stretched as wide as it can go and she doesn’t move her upper lip when she talks and OH MY GOD IT IS SO UNCANNY AND IT MAKES MY SPINE SHIVER.

Others whose mouths drive me batty cos their upper lips don’t move much to the exasperation of my friends who have to hear me shriek in horror when they’re on the screen:

Denzel Fucking Washington
Forest Fucking Whitaker (He’s not always guilty of this.)
Humphery Fucking Bogart

Honorable mentions:
John King (news wonk on CNN) has a bow tie mouth and I hate to watch it move. This is unfair, I think, because here I have said that I hate it when lips don’t move when they talk, but then this guys lips move constantly and form a shape and I can’t stand that either. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?

If we’re watching something and I comment on whoever is on the screen’s mouth, Mr. Fleegan sighs in defeat and rolls his eyes and regrets that we ever met. His is a valid reaction because I DO THIS ALL THE TIME. I’m not even exaggerating. All the damn time.

Is there a word for this mouth-hate? I mean besides crazy-freak-weirdo?
And also is there a word for when people don’t move their upper lip when they talk?

Tags: ,

3 Comments