My B&A:
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Anyway, we have a Christmas tree in the house. It’s a real tree and I don’t want to hear any of you hippies griping about it, okay? We didn’t drive out to a tree farm and cut it down. We aren’t monsters. It was already cut down and for sale so I mean, SOMEONE had to buy it otherwise it would’ve just gone bad and died in a parking lot, right? So we basically SAVED the tree is how I look at it.

I like having a real tree because it’s old school and makes the house smell good and I love making sure there’s water in the stand every morning, and I also love how everytime I walk past it I get sap all over my hands. What the hell, damn tree? This has been the sappiest tree we’ve ever had. I feel like I’m decorating the tar baby from that racist children’s book. No kidding, don’t walk past the tree if you son’t want sap on ya shirt. Also? Don’t look it straight in the eye either, gotta come at it from the side. The lights are on it, but I think for the ornaments I’ll just throw them at the tree and see what sticks.

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