Dork on, Dorker.

Category: dribblings

Well apparently I’m an insufferable dork. WHEN WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME?

When did this happen?

I guess I’m one of THOSE people who know things about bugs and animals and other junk you find in your backyard. And to be honest, when I think of dorks who know stuff about the wildlife in their backyards I think of old people. Old people know every bird that comes to their (multiple) birdfeeders. It’s a fact.

ANYway. At work I was showing a coworker a picture of a hawk and I guess I was rambling on about what kind it was.

“Wait, you know what kind of hawk it is?”

“Oh sure, those are super common around here.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, if you’ve seen a hawk around your house, it’s probably that kind.”

“Are you… are you a bird dork?”

“NO! I hate birds! But I mean, hawks are birds of prey, so… they don’t count.”

“Wow, even THAT sounded pretty dorky.”

And then, minutes later I was rambling on about a snake. Which, she called me out on. In fact, every day I’ve been busted with SOME kind of dorkness.

To be fair, she is a pageant dork and a fashion dork, and I’ve listened to her dork out about dance shows as well. But I tend to outdork the rest of the crew.

“Hey Jaimie, is this a black widow?”

“Nah, not even close it’s just some kind of an orb weaver-oh my gosh were you testing me just now?”

“Wow. Spider dork?”

“That’s not fair.”

So something like that happens multiple times a day. I called my pal Laura and told her that I’ve turned into her son, Ben, who spouts off animal facts all the time and without provocation.

We were checking the local weather and went to The Weather Channel’s website and right on the front page was a huge (it was too big, really) picture of a sea lamprey and my coworker made a shocked sound because, obviously. Those things look like nightmares.
I said, “Oh dang! A sea lamprey! The scourge of the Great Lakes!”

“Really?!”

“What?”

“You know what that thing is?”

“You don’t?”

“Of COURSE not; I’m normal.”

“I’m sure that LOTS of people know what sea lampreys are. They’re the scourge of the Great Lakes.”

“Anything else?”

“No! I’m not a TOTAL Dork. Well, I mean, they’re parasitic. They suck onto fish and kind of ruin them? Cos they drill holes in them. Or they die, but since they don’t eat the whole fish it’s like, gross dead fish everywhere. They’ve wrecked the ecosystem in the Great Lakes because they can’t control them. Why are you looking at me like that? YOU ASKED.”

“I wasn’t REALLY asking.”

“FINE. So what’s the weather gonna do?”

“You mean there’s SOMETHING you don’t know?”

“Aaaaaaand we’re done.”

Honestly, we are great pals. But I really have been on some kind of fact-spewing, nerd-a-thon kick lately. Let’s blame the heat.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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