July is here, you dork.

Category: dribblings

At dinner the other night we were eating eggplant.

I says to them I says, “Hey, did you know that in Europe eggplants are called aubergines because in French Cuisine-”

And my sis-in-law, Cindy, says, “Shut up, Library.”

And then we all laughed, some more bitterly than others. I’m kidding! Hi, Cindy! (bitch)

***

So July is here.
We had a bit of a flood in the neighborhood yesterday. (What, rain? In July? In Alabama? Aren’t we usually in a drought by now?) And the creek flooded and once again, stole our trash cans. This makes 5 cans we’ve lost now. I have no idea where the creek ends, but all I know is, some lucky bastard just got some really nice cans. The one was only 2 weeks old! THAT is a brand new trash can! Gone!

Obviously things could be worse, but I’m still going to complain some more.

Then the flood had the NERVE to go into our garage and muddy it all up! 6 inches of muddy water!

I was at work when the flooding started, but got home as the waters receded back the edge of the grass by the creek. When I got out of the car I was so pissed cos I noticed right away that BOTH of our damn trash cans were gone. “Son of a bitch! Are you kidding me?!” I yelled, probably at God. I walked to the other side of the car to get my purse and I noticed something moved out of the corner of my eye. The drive way was twitching? Nay, it was a bunch of fish flopping around in the driveway gasping for…water, I guess.

But yeah, fish. FISH. Not minnows. I’m talking bream. The size of a cell phone.  In the driveway, floppin’ in the yard. What the shit kind of shit is this?

I’ll tell you what kind of shit this shit is. It’s some July shit, that’s what.

So I grabbed a bucket and VERY Girlie-y (lots of grossed-out shrieking on my part) scooped fish in it to drop ’em into the creek. Mom came over and helped save fish too. She was better at it, the fish saving, cos she didn’t seem to be grossed out by touching them. She’d grab one and huck it into the creek.

You shoulda seen it.

 

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