2.17.06

Category: dribblings

i’m leaving this afternoon to go to Gatlinburg, TN (gooooood ol’ FLOPPY TOP). i’m going with three other adults and 4 pre-pubescent kids. 3 boys and 1 girl. a pre-youth group, if you will, and you will.
pray for us. for me. for me that i don’t curse like a sailor. that i don’t teach these kids bad words on accident, “who’s the douchebag pukefart that drank my last diet coke?! i’ll fucking murder you!”
not that i think a bunch of kids will drink my diet coke, but you get the idea. i hear we will play uno. this could be bad.
“the next mutant to lay a gadam Draw Four on my ass will find out what it feels like to have my foot up their ass.”
“stop crying! you big baby.”
i’m not around 11 year olds too often.
do 11 year olds say douche bag?

*

before jimmy left last night i gave him a hug, then i put my ear up to his ear and said, “i’m listening to what you’re thinking.”
he immediately started a homer simpson-esque inner monologue of “boobies…boobies…boobies…boobies.”

i, of course, laughed.

*

“which one of you buckfutting turdholes skipped me?! i’ll cut your head off with this blue 2! i’ll do it! what?! yeah. go ahead and play that green reverse. it’ll be the last thing you do before i shove those doritos into your eye holes. STOP! CRYING! little bitch.”
hee. i’m really not that bad with kids.
it’s the uno that brings it out in me.

does anyone need a babysitter? i’m looking to make some extra money. i’ll watch the little pukes precious darlings for ya.

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