iphone, uphone, we allphone for ME!

Category: dribblings

Well, congratulations to me! I finally broke down and joined the smartphone club. I feel like I’ve finally made it!… to 2010.
Shut up.

So I have a new iPhone 5. So far this is the coolest toy ever! Now Big Brother and control me more completely.

The only thing I have trouble with is USING IT AS A PHONE. I can’t figure out speed dial. I know it’s prolly there, but where? And SIRI isn’t helping me at all.

“SIRI, please call my husband.”

“Okay, who is your Husband?”

“Jimmy Jones.”

“Okay, Jimmy Jones is your husband. Do you want me to remember this relationship?”

“Yes.”

“Okay. Calling Jimmy Jones.”

Then the next time I have to go through the whole damn thing again. She NEVER remembers.

*

Then I’m all, “SIRI, do these jeans make my ass look big?”

And she’s all, “Do you want me to search for clothing stores in your area that sell jeans?”

And I’m all, “No, SIRI, I would like, for once, if you’d just answer my damn question instead of always deflecting to the internet. How are we supposed to build an honest relationship if you keep doing that?”

And she’s all, “No, perhaps not.”

I keep trying to believe that SIRI is this awesome robot who lives in my phone, but so far she’s a cagey wonk. It’s like she knows the answers to my questions, but rarely tells me anything.

“SIRI, what is your job?”

“Jaimie, you aren’t supposed to ask your assistant those types of questions.”

*GASP* how did it know my name?

After she called me by name, I knew I had better be polite to her, this way, when the killer robots from outer space come to kill us, maybe she’ll put in a good word for me, and my death will be swift and painless.

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