1.05.06

Category: dribblings

i went to the St. Luke’s meeting today. it was good to see some of the regulars and good to meet the people i had never met before. except for this one lady. i don’t know her name and i’ve never seen her before but when i saw her i thought, “who is she? i know her. i don’t like her. who is she?” and then i thought, “jaimie, you don’t even know her. give her the benefit of the doubt.” and then when she prayed out loud i thought, “nope, i don’t like her.” and then, “jaimie! stop being mean! you should be concentrating on praying! for crying out loud, who do you think you are anyway? at least she can pray out loud, which is more than i can say for you. you suck. now quit thinking and start praying!”

and then after the thing was over she came up and said something really fucking stupid (in my opinion, of course.) to someone, and i thought, “wow. i really don’t like her. and, i don’t think i have to.”
geez, it’s just like me to go to a “prayer meetin'” and start hating. and like i say, i don’t even know the lady. but chances are, you wouldn’t like her either.
see! i shouldn’t say things like that!

the best part though, was that mike bynum was the speaker. and he did a terrific job. and let me tell ya, that’s not an easy crowd to work with. well, to me it wouldn’t be. i look at all the people in the room and think, “how did we get here?” honestly, we have nothing in common except Jesus. and what’s weird is, that’s all it takes, it actually works. how about that? mikeb can work a crowd, he’s laidback and really funny. but what’s so great is God works through him. every time i hear him speak he always says something that blows me away. and it’s always something so simple. it’s not some grandiose explanatory mumbo-jumbo. it’s the simplest thing. and it’s good and true. and he loves people. he actually LOVES people. and that is so amazing to me. God is amazing. thank you, God, for Mike Bynum. and thank you, Mike Bynum for doing what you do.

i hope that one day i’ll love people too. i really mean that.

after the speaking came the praying. and the Old Guy says, “how about someone who hasn’t annointed anyone with oil before come up and do it.” and i thought, “oh hell, that’s probably me. i’m the only one who’s new. shit. piss. no!”
so i got up and did it and i was going to pray something out loud, but i couldn’t because i’m an idiot and i’m terrified of speaking out loud in those situations. do you want to know why? i’m afraid i’ll speak in tongues. how dumb is that? honestly. ‘cos in my head? i was praying for things. i was thinking prayer thoughts (this was before i was hating on that lady.) and i wanted to say, “you know, i’m praying for you. i’m asking for healing and blessings and peace. i just don’t want to say it out loud ‘cos i’m afraid it will sound like, ALALABAHPALALALAKAMALABALA! anyway, peace.“

and you might ask yourself, gosh, would it be so bad to speak in tongues? is it worth it to lessen your prayer life because of a fear? a fear of something that’s never happened to you before? are you just being lazy? do you really think you’d speak in tongues?
yes! no. shut up. no! i wouldn’t put it past God.

but i’m looking at it this way, i give myself points for going up there and doing the oil thing especially on a stranger!

i will have a dream tonight about my teeth falling out.

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