1.17.07

Category: dribblings

i’m not ignoring you, i’m just a bit overwhelmed working three jobs, bowling, knitting, and trying to read 50 books. that sounds pretentious doesn’t it? honestly, i’m not bragging. “oh look at me! i have hobbies!”
gah, jaimie, you’re such a doosh.

library stories:
yesterday i walked back to the dreaded kid’s section to put a stack of disney books back on the shelf. as i turn the corner i hit a wall. a wall of smell. there were 4 kids on the floor with approx. 27 books strewn about and one of the kids had pooped his/her pants.
none of these kids looked young enough to be wearing diapers, but also, i don’t really know how old they were so maybe kid’s still wear diapers EVEN AFTER THEY CAN READ. i’ve never had a kid so like i say, blah blah blah. point is, one of the little bast-… lovlies had soiled themselves.

gag a maggot.

i was afraid that if the kid who shat wasn’t wearing a diaper, then the turd would fall out of their pants and onto the library floor. and since i’m the New Girl that i’d get stuck cleaning up turds.

lucky for me (and you) no poop fell out, and i didn’t have to puke my guts out over stray turds.

it amazes me (and this blog proves it) how much (LITERAL) shit there is in my life.

***

other things that slay me at the ‘brary:
when i ask someone for their library card and they look at me all, “how very dare you! don’t you know me?! why should i have to carry a library card around? I’M BETTER THAN YOU! how DARE YOU ask to see my card. i shall not be inconvenienced. now check out these books to me anyway, wretch.”

i mean, christ almighty, it’s a library card…i’m not asking for your social security number. i’m not asking for the world with a fence around it. i just want to scan your card…won’t take a whole second. IT’S ON YOUR KEY CHAIN FOR THE LOVE OF LOVE! GET OVER YOURSELF, YOU FUCKING COWBITCH. OH AND HEY, WHEN YOU GET A CHANCE BETWEEN ACTING INDIGNANT AND SELF-RIGHTEOUS YOU MIGHT WANT TO CHECK YOUR KID’S PANTS. SHE SEEMS TO HAVE SHIT HERSELF.

it surprises me how often people act like I’M the idiot because they don’t have their card or don’t want to be bothered with getting their card out. if you forget your card, that’s fine, but at least, LEAST, act contrite about it. don’t act like i’m the fool.
“oh, do i have to have my library card?”

what? of course not! we don’t even know what those things are for! we just scan them for the ‘boop’ noise! talk about hilarious! ha ha! the joke’s on all the suckers who actually bring their card! you’re too smart for us!
idiotas.

and i know that some of them have lost their card and that’s okay. it’ll turn up. but when the same person comes in each week and never has their card? they’ve stopped looking for it and chances are it’s lost for good, but it only costs $2.00 for a replacement card. and sure that’s kinda high if you’re on a fixed income, but jesus lady, you check out ten books at a time and if you had to buy each of those books…even used…well, you’re saving a pantload of money by horking over the two bucks. so what i’m going to need you to do is:
A. gimmie your card
B. get a new card
C. STOP TREATING ME LIKE I’M A CRIMINAL WHO’S TRYING TO RIP YOU OFF.

hundreds of people come in to check out books, just like you, and they manage to bring a card. when my very own father comes in to check out a book? HE HANDS OVER HIS LIBRARY CARD.
so what the hell makes you so special? 

***

sorry for being so ranty. it just gets my goat when people get all huffy at me when it’s not my problem.

i really love my job though. my favorite part is getting to help people. if i’m able to answer their question or find their book they act like i’m a genius. oh, and as usual, old people flock to me.

my life is filled with poop and old people. what is your life filled with? i hope it’s something awesome like candy and cheese, or jokes and coffee, or plants and ink pens.

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