At Walgreens today. Cashier asks, “Are you ready for Christmas?”

“Not yet,” I reply.

“Well, Christmas is ready for you.”

Kid, take note, my purchase consists of AZO, panty liners, cranberry juice, and spearmint chewing gum. Was it the chewing gum that threw you off? Cos context clues shoulda maybe told you to shut the hell up.

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