12.01.05

Category: dribblings

my red jeep wouldn’t start today.
i had a fuel pump put in it in september. new battery in october. and now? what, what do you want from me,red jeep? ju tink i won’t cut ju? i steeck ju, mang!
i have to have it towed to the mechanic’s place.
again.
looks like everyone is getting a hug from me for christmas. sorry.

***

i’ve had some good conversations lately.
with dad (dad’s playing the part of the jerk maintenance man, kinda like the company computer repair guy on SNL):
him: hey, i’m installing this smoke detector.
me, in the hall: okay.
him: there’s a black and white wire on the detector which one do i connect to the red wire?
me: uhhhhh, is the black one uh…well, i’d connect the red and white-
him: WRONG! it’s the black and red, sheez, good thing you’re not doing this.
me: yeah. well. is the black positive?
him: of course!
me: shut up. besides, in a car battery the black is negative and the red is posit-
him: does this look like a 12v battery to you?!
me: why isn’t the black always negative? i mean, is this an AC/DC thing?
him: …
me: ‘cos in art black is the absence of color so it’s like, a negative, right?
him: don’t even try to use your art brain, jaimie. the white wire is common.
me: common? what the hell does that mean?
him: i don’t know, i figured you’d have an art word for it.
me: shut it.
him: and by the way, how many art minutes is it going to take you to paint that anyway?

while talking to laura:
her: i wish i had taken a picture of the upstairs hallway before we painted it.
me: yeah?
her: yeah, it was turquois with dark brown trim.
me: oh yeah, man that was so ugly.
her: but it lives in my memory. it’ll always be there.
me: …what?
her:…
me: wait, that’s…that’s a…OH! BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
her: i knew you’d get it.
both: ALL I WANNA DO IS MAKE LOOOOVE TO YOUUUUUU!

with jimmy:
me: here’s the TV remote, i’ve gotta finish this book.
him: for the fiddy?
me: for the fiddy.
him: will you do this next year?
me: i dunno. it’s actually pretty hard.
him: well, maybe next year you could read 30 instead of 50.
me: what?! no! don’t you SEE?! if i read 50 THIS year then NEXT year i’ll have to read 51!! HAHAHA! i’ll have to keep BREAKING MY RECORD! BAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!
him: maybe you should-
me: no! get the hell away from me!
him: you nerd.
me: *hiss*

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