10.10.05

Category: dribblings

i was talking to liz the other day about how i don’t think i’m going to get 50 books read by the end of the year.
“but you’ve got, what, 15 more to go?”
“yeah, about that.”
“so that’s 15 books in 2 and a half months.”
“yeah maybe i can do it…it will never happen.”
“oh sure, you’ve just got to read one book every…three days.”

i wailed.

but i must try or else i’m a quitter. and i don’t want to be a quitter.

***

My Morning With Margaret.

i went outside this morning to put more water in the dogs’ water bowl. “dogs” plural because jimmy brought his dog, Kaze (as in Kamikaze) to spending some time with Rockstar Roxy. they are the best of friends. so Crazy Margaret comes out of nowhere, i mean honestly i think she magically appeared, and says that jaimie, jaimie, i need to talk to you.

son of a…

“what do you want margaret?”

“hey, why is his dog still here?”

“um. because…they like playing together?”

“well, i wouldn’t put up with that sh*t.” and i don’t know if you’ve ever had the great blessing of hearing Crazy Margaret talk? but she’s really southern and really loud. and here she is across from the very busy (even on Columbus Day) Board of Education.

“what?”

“well here your boyfriend dumps his dog on you and he’s probably got him another woman on the other side of town.” she hates jimmy. she really hates him. which is funny ‘cos he’s scared of her. he won’t admit it, but he is. hee.

“uh huh.”

“i’m serious. i wouldn’t put up with his sh*t! i’d tell him NO! WAIT! here’s what i’d do. now listen. LISTEN! i’d take both of those dogs to HIS HOUSE so when he got home HE’D have to deal with them! and then he’d know! he’d respect you then!”

“margaret, i’m not listening.” she HATES it if you don’t listen or if you say no. she can’t stand it!

“what?! WELL, MAYBE SHE’LL LISTEN WHEN SHE COMES HOME AND FINDS HIM WITH A NAKED LADY IN THE HOUSE AND HE SAYS THAT THE NAKED LADY IS THE NEW DISHWASHER! MAYBE THEN SHE’LL LISTEN!”

priceless.

do you know how difficult it was not to laugh? i would have laughed but she went on to say that that was what her husband did to her. she came home and there was a naked lady and he said that she was the new dishwasher. my only thought was, “you were married?”

“when are you getting married?” she asked out of nowhere.

“i don’t know.”

“well, i wouldn’t put up with his sh*t. you better-“

“margaret, i’m not listening to you. i won’t have you bad-mouthing my boyfriend.”

“well, those dogs are still hungry! you need to feed them more food!”

“margaret, they just ate. they’re fine.”

“no they aren’t! look at them! they’re starving.”

“well, they’ll just have to wait for supper.”

“that’s mean!”

“no it isn’t. they just had breakfast. they’re fine.”

“you should give them each a scoop of milk do you have any milk if they had some milk it would settle their stomachs and they wouldn’t be as hungry. do you have milk?”

“i’m not giving them milk.”

“WHY NOT?! all you gotta do is-“

“no, margaret. they’ve had enough. they’re fine.”

then she says to the dogs, “she’s so mean! isn’t she! starving you like that!”

i walked back inside. and couldn’t WAIT to tell jimmy about the naked dishwasher.

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