9.06.05

Category: dribblings

today is leetle brahther’s birthday. he is 25. a magic number!

this afternoon, after work, Popsicle and i were waiting at the mechanic’s place and i said to him, i said, “mom left me a voicemail. she says she making chicken tonight and i’m invited.”
“oh yeah?”
“yep.”
“did she say if she wanted me to grill it?”
“no…she said she was going to cook it.”
“oh.”
“yeah. you know what that means, doncha?”
“yeah.”
“thighs.”
“yeah.”
see the 9.16.03 entry

“oh well, i think she mentioned rice.”
“it’s like eating organ meat.”
“ugh, i know.”
“so you’re coming for dinner?”
“yeah, i guess. but i know it’s gonna break mom’s heart when i don’t eat the chicken.”
“probably.”

after i went home and showered i got to mom and dad’s and i walk in and dinner smells great and i go over to the casserole dish and there sits 900 chicken thighs on a bed of rice.

“mmmm,” i say, “look, dad! mom made thighs! nummy!”
“i know!”
“oh shut UP, you two. it was all they had left.” she says as she serves up plate after plate of thighs.
“uh huh.”
“sure.” we sit down at the table and start eating.
“it was! there was a sign! it said “due to the hurricane this is all the chicken we have.” i’m serious!”
“…”
“…”
“i’m serious! because of the hurricane!”
“you mean because-”
“that’s stupid!” dad proclaims.
“that’s what the sign said!”
“because-”
“laura, there’s two parts to every chicken.”
“…”
“…”
“there’s two drumsticks, two wings, two thighs, two breasts…”
“…”
“yeah? and?”
“well, you make it sound like all the boneless white meat got blown away in the hurricane.”

okay. right there is where i first burst into scream laughter. ‘cos dad totally missed the boat on that one.

“great, now you got her started.”
“well-”
“EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE”
“and i DIDN’T mean that all the breasts got blown-”
“EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE”
“what the SIGN meant was that all the chicken farms in mississippi and alabama were messed up from the storm so there’s not as much chicken.”
“yeah, but there shouldn’t be less breasts-”
“EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE”
“yes HONEY, but also, we just had LABOR DAY and there’s 600 NEW people in town and THEY JUST DIDN’T HAVE A GOOD SELECTION TODAY OKAY?!”
“EEEEEEEeeeeeeee oh man. that was too funny!”
“you liked that, huh?”
“don’t encourage her! jaimie, eat your chicken.”
“aw mom. i don’t think i can. it’s so…it’s just…it’s…”
“it’s like a baby calf heart.”
“EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE”
“oh you got her started again. happy?”
“sorry babe.”
“EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE”
“no you aren’t. jaimie, eat your chicken. it’s good…really.”
“EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeee hee i can’t. i can’t even cut it…it’s too-”
“no it’s easy…cut it diagonally here…across the ventricle…”
“EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE”
“you ass hole. i’m never cooking for you two ever again!”
“EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE”
“heh heh.”
“EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE”
“i work all day long and come home and cook dinner…”
“heh.”
“EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE”
“just so YOU can have the BIG PIECE OF CHICKEN and this is the thanks-”
“EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE”
“yeah…why do i always have to have the BIG baby calf hearts?”

and this is where i lost it completely and ended up sprawled across two chairs and shrieking like a loon.

poor mom. poor, poor mom. she loves us so much. and we love her too, we just…can’t help ourselves.
as we finished up dinner dad asked, “what kind of pie did you make us, babe?”
“fuck. you.” she replied.

don’t you wish YOU could have dinner with us?
well, come on…just bring a helmet, you WILL need it.

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